Please Critique my Musicianshipness!

[brandoj]

I guess I'm stuck in a rut with this whole songwriting
business. It would be helpful if I could get some input. This is partial song
I threw together the other day. Please don't critique the
sound quality, I know it sucks. I know it only comes out of one channel,
but that's not really what I'm concerned about. I'm much more concerned with the actual song itself.
So have a listen, and let me know what you think!
Oh, also, I cannot sing with a damn - I'm very aware.

La Lalala

 

[Greg_L]

Theres not really enough there to critique. What is there is pretty repetitive and drawn out. It needs a hook, or a break, or a chorus, or something. Get it to play on both channels and post the whole thing to give us a better idea of where that thing is going.

 

[brandoj]

What is there is pretty repetitive and drawn out. It needs a hook, or a break, or a chorus, or something.

Thanks very much. This is the kind of advice I'm looking for. I'm interested to know what some othe readers think of it.

 

[Freddy]

It is a bit hard to hear to be honest, but from what I could tell, I'd mostly agree with the above

The intro seemed somewhat drawn out. However, while I could see that the main part could become repetitive, it really all depends on what comes next. It feels like something about to take off, but the track stops just before it does.. if that makes any sense.

It needs a lift/chorus/key change or something at that point.

If you get a better recording, that would be good. I couldn't hear the lyrics