pants slip down under the radar

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I liked the guitar and bass part. Creates a good feel. My head was nodding to the beat. Songwise, pretty good material IMO. Except for the "so-ya-ya-ya-row" stuff. Not too much of a fan of that. Sorry.

The guitar seems to be missing some low-mids. Has a slightly thin sound. Good midrange resolution though.

The bass is real nice. I wonder if a stronger attack would help? Maybe an EQ boost in the 800 hz range? I'm not sure myself. Might be something to try.

The vocals are real dry. The performance could maybe be fixed in spots. I'd suggest doubling them, introducing harmonies, and playing with delay or reverb. But then again you'll sound like me. Which is a big no-no.

Liked the synth. It comes in a little late. Possible to introduce it earlier?

Cool song.
 
Hey Chad,
Cool man. I remember this'n well. Toki's bass really did add alot to it. ...Nice line and playing dude:) I might agree w/ the touch of brittleness on the acoustics, ..not offensive mind you, just a touch bright. Man you get some nice sounding drums. Those toms kick arse... ...they ring so well its hard to tell if they're real or not. They fit the song nicely too. Nice vocs here, these are a big improvement over the ones that i heard on the previous post of this. You've got that Morrisey'esque thing nailed. Some bg vocs in this would thicken it up real nice, but that might be preference. I agree w/ the comments re: the synth. ...very nice and appropriate. ...A dramatic touch that adds dynamic progression to the song as it rolls along. Im glad you stuck w/ this, the work youve put in really brings up the cream in this already great tune.

Nice stuff here bro!
gw/5
 
LOL @ Tom :D The tone deafest, least mix-experienced, worst guitar player here insists on putting himself down ... :D :eek: :p lmao... (opposite land, BTW) ;)

Ped L Metal

Thank you for the kind compliments... hopefully Kenny can drop in for a few secs... maybe put his special version of this up soon.

Hope you feel better :(

"....do you really sing 'hahahahahaworrow'? Seems a little appropriate"

Yeah... it could be considered a self-mocking laugh, I guess. Good call... as the guys have pointed out before, Morrissey (that homo :eek: :p) does a lot of that...

Will give this some more vocals hopefully soon. Thank you.

Be Sammath

first, I still love the tune.. gives me a happy feeling

Cool... it's supposed to be ironically happy like that... even though its about depression...

High end problems... check... will have to listen closer for that... to be honest, you guys are my ears right now... in the old place, the monitoring room was really good... well soundproofed... the ambient noise was always under 40db FS... and there were very few early echoes. Here, it's hit-or-miss. I really appreciate your ears on this, too.

Another vote for synth + acoustic... must be something to that. Thankyou. As far as a solo goes... maybe my uncle's Martin, or mom's acoustic could be borrowed for that... soloing on this POS Epiphone would be a miracle :p

Hey, if ya need any help using the LM4 let me know.. in fact, if you're looking to get it shoot me PM...

Yeah... post those vocals... even if its just one take... let the newbies fear your name :D (and remind the rest of us ;))

Thanks a ton, man.

jus' 'skiddin'

Your detailed critique is much appreciated... and undeserved... it's just fun to give real help when you can, ya know? Makes the whole place better.

The guitar sound is a combo of 1) strumming too hard 2) lack of technique :eek: (the fret buzz) 3) cheap guitar 4) dead strings... already convinced I gotta retrack it... just gotta kife someone's g-fiddle now :)

More guitar parts in support would be another good idea. Thx.



I was hoping you'd check this out, cuz I figured you'd shoot me straight like B.SAB before ye.

Low mids were cut (I guess) to fit the lows/low mids on vocs and synth under 'em... must re-examine that... possibly do one more mix with the current tracks... then, hopefully retrack some stuff in the next few weeks...

Am going to try some new patches on the synth, add maybe a cello (?) type part ... (studioviols? BTW? :confused: )

Thanks for the suggestions on voc 'verb, too. Duly noted.

Mikey G Mac

So... you're mac'in me now? Sweeeeeet :D Get some of those Cali Johns :eek:

Thanks for your thoughts... anything about improving this with more instruments/new parts are always welcome from you... you have a great understanding of arrangements.



all

Thank you ... I'm going to take a few hours in the next couple days to tweak this by your suggestions... but there's also two collabs and some other stuff to work on... not to mention more of you guys' wonderful stuff.

Blue Bear? Track Rat? sonusman? Any comments by you guys would be appreciated as well... both-barrels, if ya please... :)

And Kenny, if ya ever get unbusied :)


C
 
Im here, just very infrequently over the last very busy week.
I love the tune, its got a good emotional content to it, the story is interesting, and the arrangement good. Playing it was fun and one of the first collab's I'd done here. Hopefully I can help more.
There are a few subtle things I`d do on the tune and plan to on the rev. I`m working on. Primarily in the keys area, basically some softer analog pads and piano for some counterrythym. The guitar could be smoothed with a little more body tone, the cymbals a bit softer. A bit more beef in the vocal with a little invisible verb added. The toms have a couple of busy spots that were intense working through but will work out. The bass could be a bit brighter, I shelved a lot above 900k, and could let some more out for definition. Thanks for the props everybody. Not a hard part, just danced with the drums and guitar and let them lead. A fun song to work on even if it is sorta lonely sounding story.

'been busting butt on the HRC#4 and another project or two, so I haven`t been able to hang out much lately. I`ll be caught up Fri night.
 
In the great words of the best cross dressing ass biting sports announcer there ever was... YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great bass. I also liked the synth pads. As mentioned earlier, the vocals are a lot more confident. The drums are par excellente as per usual. Can't wait to hear you get a new guitar track down. Let's go do this at the Dead Goat open mic this Sunday!!!!
 
I could swear that the first version of this had some distortion in the vocal on the "sorrow" parts...it came back to me when I heard the first one on here...but that's the only place I noticed any distortion...and it may not really be there anyway - but merely a remnant from my multiple spins of the first one.

That acoustic...Very clear...kinda' jangly; a little TOO clear for my radio-flooded taste to be honest. I have a guitar that sounds almost EXACTLY like that, and whenever I use it to record, I find that ASSLOADS OF COMPRESSION actually makes it sound better to me. By "me," I mean me and only me, and I like the way that acoustic guitars sound cranked on car stereos from radio stations using 999:1 compression ratios, so take it for what it's worth, lmao. I actually wouldn't EQ it - it sounds like it would fatigue the ears after awhile when it starts, but it doesn't ever do that. In fact, as the song goes on, the guitar either gets better, or full mix just accommodates it better. Hell, fade it in instead of starting with it and you're good.

You sir, are an original. And Toki's like salt - he just makes everything better.
 
cool tune participant!

cool upbeat on the acoustic guitar part.......... it's hoppy, i like that...........

i like the weird vocal line on the chorus..........it's almost like a stream of conciousness thing.......
bass is real pleasing, the melody on the bass is real smooth, and hypnotic........

the drums are a bit boring, programming wise.......but the sounds are good, the snare has a nice slap to it........

i'd love to hear this with a slightly grungy electric rhythm added in behind the acousticy-sounding one.......... kind of a tom petty guitar sound........ add a couple of weird heavily effected guitar single notes here and there just for ear candy (wah-flange-long delay), and that would back up the kind of spacey vibe that the vocal is doing.........
 
whuzzaa chad,

Hmmm.. i got some problems on the acoustic. It's like almost crackle/hissing on the top end for me, most notable on the right side. Some slight some intonation issues on the vox. Kenny (Toki?) did a real nice job on that bass. Sah + wheat = sweet! i dunno i'm just retarded today, that was the coolest thing i could think of to say. :rolleyes: sheesh! i hope if i meet any chicks this weekend i keep my mouth shut.
 
Okay pcp,

I'm going to try to give a really involved citique.

I will put your song through all the riggers that I put my own songs through, OK?

My first listen is through phones. Mix seems very smooth, as I listen, and watch Winnamp spectrum analyzer.

I will try to listen to this song on everything I can including my truck.

First most noticable flaw, is at 2:12, "sorrow" sounds strained and out of breath. I would try to punch in a better one.

I'll get back to you with more, later.

This is payback for the help you gave me on my last recording. (Check you P.M.).

Also I'm not reading any of the other critiques, as to remain unbiased.

GT
 
Ok,

Try this if you haven't allready, play your song back on Winnamp.

Adjust the 6k slider up about 3 to 5db, this gives two possible major improvements, more bite to the snare, and more bite and volume to your voice. Doesn't seem to cause any harm, as recording has an overall soft tone.

I'm still on phones.

BTW: Love the song!!

GT
 
Ok,

Good news.

Headphones lied, scratch the 6k slider idea.

Second listen on my Samson DA-80, 6k makes the sound too hard.

I use these speakers, near field, on the floor facing directly up at me, at about 45 degree angle. Built in 5 band EQed, used to remove coloration, they seem to be fairly acurate.

So far still only the one flaw.

I like your voice, very honest sounding.

GT
 
Geez... thanks GT! LOL...

Who Shot JRs #01 thru #96? :confused:

At ze goat, eh? Would be a good idea... let me know when you get un-busied. We should hang out a few times, first :D Thanks eh?

a_super_'billy-hick

That danged git-tar... yer right (sprrt!) pert near dogshit ifn y'reckon (sprtt)... you come from geetar country, so that's a valuable insight. Thank you. It's an El Kabong guitar, now :)

(begin lusting after a Taylor 414.... nnnnnn-now)

Guitar tracks redone for sure... with a real guitar, and not that
glorified uke... lmao. Thanks :)

GONZO-COM X

Better drums... check... electric guitar, hey... someone I know from SLC is a real guitar slinger... goes by the name of ... hmm... don't know.. but he has a Brian May tone and sings this song called "Take it All"?? If he'd like to supply the so-called "grungy electric gtr tracks" ... :D

Thanks... I'll give those a shot sometime soon...

Komputeher, Thenleaveher

Thanks for the ears-up. This could be EQ boosts... which were slight, but noticeable... some shelving above 4K on the acoustics (but as a pair)... I'll have a listen (using Waves Q4, BTW)

If Matthew Perry could get a chick tonight, so could you! :) Nitey nite...

GT Castrol, formulated for todays smaller cars

Wow... someone likes to help? LOL... (and bump :D) Thanks for the heads-up on that vocal bobble, and thanks for the kind attention... as well as the time you spent listening to this thing. Hopefully, the more you critique, the more experience your ears will get and it will directly help your own mixing. Cheers :)

all

This thread's a hangin' fart right about now... it's gotta blow out of here and give some other people a chance at a one-star rating... woo hooo! :D

Thanks to ALL participanting people in the thread. You guys are the shiznit on my bizkit...


Oh... a special thanks to Kenny... I hope you guys aren't sick of this song... Kenny's doing a much better/more original mix of this...


C
 
ok...so what is with the variable bit rate?....

I like the tune man....Kenny is a monster on the bass for sure...the acoustic is tinny and needs compression like Chris said.....a soft knee setting and some verb for sure...
Drums are kick ass...
vox aint that bad man....but lyrically,.... instead of repeating all those"sorrrrrooooowwwwws"....perhaps you could add an instrumental lead....just an idea man....


the synth pads sit nice man...

Good tune Paty-pants :D
I like it man,
Joe
 
joro said:
instead of repeating all those"sorrrrrooooowwwwws"....perhaps you could add an instrumental lead....just an idea man....


that's the basis for the whole tune..




BTW, no one was as dramatic about the high end so now I'm really wondering if it's my speakers or my ears.. or the cymbal samples.. I don't know.. just gave it another spin and figured I'd say something..
 
With a name like "Sorrow" I was expecting a really depressing song, but the music is not depressing at all. It is actually kind of upbeat.

I liked the vocal on the verses. They were a little bit wavering on the "sorrow" section, but in a way it kind of added to the line you were singing...in a strange cosmic sort of way.

I like the synth that comes in about the 1:40 mark. Adds a nice texture to the sound. The bass sounds real nice on this. Actually the mix on this sounds real good. The drums might be a tad too loud (at least on my cheap computer speakers) or it may be the cymbals with just a bit of sibilance. I really like the playing overall...you've already heard about the guitar stuff, so I won't go into that. :)

This is a really good pop song! It kind of has an 80's feel to it (that synth brings that out) ... almost kind of cure'ish in a way.

I really like this!

:D
 
Sai ya ya ya ya ya ya soo roooow! :D

GREAT tune, pants!!! Wow. I'll start with my only criticism, then on to the praise.

When you say
I feel so full of love and hate but it doesn't have a place

...place sounds kind of odd and out of sync. Kind of threw me a bit.

At first listen I was like OK.:o But generally music that really ends up passing the true test of time with me doesn't blow me away on the first listen. So I listened again. It's very simplistic...and very good. I'm listening again and again...I can't think of anyone this sounds like, but it still sounds familiar in a good way. The fact that it has such an original sound and remains simple in it's production is really cool.

I like the keyboard a lot. It reminds me of a voice Matt Johnson of The The used a lot and I've always liked it. I didn't have any problem with the drums or acoustic, and I thought the mix was right on. Bass was very cool.

The lyrics were probably my favorite part.

say hello to your good friend me say anything that you want nothing means everything to me at least what I can see outside a window looking in at a room full of nothing but emptiness and I feel so full of love and hate but it doesn't have a place

Can you post the lyrics to the second verse?

The song has a carefree vibe to it. Like bouncing down the boardwalk on a warm spring afternoon as the snow melts, exposing dead bodies that have lain hidden under the snow all winter... and you whistle the tune...

pants you da man!:D I love this song now.
 
I like the song....obviously you fixed some things and Im late to listen.....great bass......vocals - good job.......drums work for me......i love what the keys add.......

now, that guitar tone could be ALOT better and since it is the focal point of the rhythm, well......

good job, partypants.....


GIDGET
 
...and yet, the fart persists

Wow... I so didn't want to bump this again... but there are some kind souls who slipped in here after the "fart" comment... and they probably would like thanked ;)

For those who give a shiznit... there IS another mix up there (didn't announce it)... taking into account many of your helpful suggestions... still no retracking of gtr/vox, but hopefully a mix that's easier on the ears. Don't need to comment anymore... please let this thread drop, and let others get their shots at one-star :)

Jorro!! *draws a "J" with his sword*

VBR? :D Sorry ... I did throw an LA2A (UAD-1) on the gtr and fixed the EQ a bit. Thanks for the comments on drums, and synths... I'm surprised, actually, that many people liked 'em. I began piano at age 6, and again at age 9, but really became estranged from it for a long time. As Sam pointed out, yes I *was* just improvising.

Comments like this from a guy like you, Joe, mean something. Thanks :) I'll hit your song after school late tonight.

Samaged Goods

You got my back, brutha! :p Dunno about the highs, but you could be right. I did boost too much on the snare in that vers. you heard... as well as the gtr... the shelf on vocals is still there. Sometimes different mp3 players decode files in such a way that highs/lows are misrepresented... but it's probably my end here. Thanks for the close listens, 'mano.

is a boyDRJ a musician?

Yes. yes he is :) Yep... you caught the idea of the song... it's almost a "resign yourself to feel happy" song... it's almost about not being allowed to feel sad. Thanks for the comments on keys and on Toki's bass. The Cure? I'll take that :) Robert Smith rocks... (that weird-ass geek :D) Thanks for the listen.

ratsman

You're the damn insti-gator, eh? Figgers :D Nice comment on the word "place" ... it probably does need bumped fwd/back or something... IIRC I recorded it with the UA1176 compressor online, which puts the wav out of sync. Thanks for lisnin that close!

-Sorrow

Say hello to your good friend me
Say anything at all
Nothing means everything to me
At least what I can't see

Outside a window looking in at a room
full of nothing but emptyness
And I feel so full of love and hate
but it doesn't have a place

Whoa, and you don't know
Sorrow

Say goodbye to the stranger man
On the ground I fly alone
Say the unknown; if I'm shot down now,
then how bad could the bullet be?

Take a bite, and taste the blood in vain
these worthless wounds won't heal
Take delight in the pain because
there ain't nothin' left to feel

The darkness shines around me now
not a shadow's cast on me
and I feel like someone sees right thru
my hollow eternity


Sally Field... aka Gidget... aka flying nun... aka Mike :D

That's my gidget ;) Actually, this is the first song of mine you've posted on... I was hoping you'd finally overcome the general suckiness of 'em and gimme a holler :D

And once I stea--er, borrow a nice Taylor/Martin or soe'thin, retracking can begin on gtrs. Thanks for the time, Mike!

everyone else

Thanks... please if there are any more comments, PM or e-mail or put a gypsy curse on my firstborn... give page one back to the threads with fewer listens :)

















Don't make me one-star my own thread! :mad: :D :eek:

C
 
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