Original - Not Her Heart

[DM60]

This one is still rough, but I like the direction. I wrote this as I am watching my mom go through life. Not to be too dramatic about it.

If you have tips, please share as it will need to be re-tracked. Might be awhile before I get back to it.

Removed

 

[Papanate]

Nice track that harkens back to the 70s - it’s got a really good vibe - in terms of suggestions you have a phase issue with the backing tracks.

 

[DM60]

Thanks for that feedback.

 

[HumanPlanet]

Love the lyrics. Needs work but there's a real nice song in there.

 

[DM60]

Love the lyrics. Needs work but there's a real nice song in there.

Yea, that was a quick cut about 6 months ago. The idea is go back and practice the song and get more fluidity . I think it will clean up, but wanted to get comments back see if there were opportunities to make it even better.

Thanks for the feed back. It is also a true story. My mom is losing her memory, but she remembers the old days, but doesn't remember how hard it was. Had to get it down.

 

[HumanPlanet]

I think it will clean up, but wanted to get comments back see if there were opportunities to make it even better.

I think you could work on the pacing and when you bring everything in and out. At the moment the song starts and it's all there from beginning to end pretty much. I would start softly with the vocal, guitar maybe the bass until the chorus then bring the drums in and keep it all in until the third verse, soften it down again then bring all back in, where depends how it feels, and then run it till the end maybe.

Not well explained but basically change it up a bit.

Thanks for the feed back. It is also a true story. My mom is losing her memory, but she remembers the old days, but doesn't remember how hard it was. Had to get it down.

 

[DM60]

I think you could work on the pacing and when you bring everything in and out. At the moment the song starts and it's all there from beginning to end pretty much. I would start softly with the vocal, guitar maybe the bass until the chorus then bring the drums in and keep it all in until the third verse, soften it down again then bring all back in, where depends how it feels, and then run it till the end maybe.

Not well explained but basically change it up a bit.

Great input. I will give that a try see how it works. On paper looks like good ideas, give more character, depth.

 

[Flyguitarfish]

I enjoyed the tune. Is that rhythm guitar a little out of tune? A few sour bass notes as well. Could look at re-recording those if your goal is to fine tune this one.

I agree with the comments. It needs some dynamics/changes to keep the listener engaged. Starting soft is always good. Changing things up in the mix and playing with background vocals and extra guitar lines will go a long way to help define a chorus. Could bring it back down (quieter part later in the song) then finish big after that?

Also, consider shortening it up and shave a minute or more off. I understand all the lyrics were written purposefully and you might not want to get rid of any, but it’s not a bad problem to have too many. Meaning, you have lots of good lyrics to pick from. I’m in the same boat all the time. I have to cut out lyrics to fit the song. That works out better than the other way around (lengthening the song to fit the lyrics).

Definitely a great start. I’m excited to hear what you do with it! Nice work!

 

[HumanPlanet]

It might be a bit long but I think you could cut a good chunk of time off the song if you wanted to without losing any of the lyrics by working on the melody and the rhythm. I'd also simplify the bass line, sometimes less is more.

 

[DM60]

Thanks everyone for the listen. Will re-post when I rework the tune.