New tune featuring "Sweet Ann", an anime singer from Vocaloid singing the chorus ...

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New tune featuring "Sweet Ann", an anime singer from Vocaloid singing the chorus ...

... and real person Wayne Glaser on bass guitar.

It's my birthday today so I played hookey from work, stayed home and worked on this ...

Any/all comments appreciated.


Best,

Kev-

NEWEST MIX IS AT BOTTOM OF THREAD
 
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I'd give it just a couple of bars of intro. For me the big voice right at the start was too abrupt for the type of song.

Liked the reverbs you were using.

That guitar on the left that comes in at :43 is a bit muddy.

The change at 1:16 is, IMO, too abrupt. You need something that does a quick buildup right there - give the listener a quick "heads up" that things are about to kick in. Snare is pretty loud and dry right there.

I'm not usually a synth fan. But I thought they all sounded good.
 
Good thoughts Trip ... I think I'm in the right neighborhood on this ... but there's some fine tuning still outstanding. I like Sweet Ann's second line of the chorus more than the first ... but I can easily change things around. Pretty amazing for a synth, isn't it?

I employ the tympani just before the instrumental section. Do you think if I repeat that after the first chorus, that it will be enough?

I forgot to mention this is also the stereo version of a surround sound mix.
 
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I'm always a big fan of Vocaloid (I have Prima since it was the easiest to obtain legally in the US)

Your lead vox are a bit quiet. It's not that they're indiscernible or anything; they just kind of feel buried. Especially at the beginning.

That's the only nit I have on the first listen.
 
I purchased Vocaloid 3 a couple days ago and for voices have Prima, Sonika, Sweet Ann, Big Al and Tonio. I definitely wanted a female voice during the chorus, and I auditioned the three above. Sonika was definitely out ... too stylized. Prima came close, but again wasn't the right timbre. Sweet Ann has more of the childlike voice I was going for.
 
I liked what you did in the transition at 1:16. It wasn't what I was thinking, but it worked well. It signals the kick-in. Still don't like the beginning.

I like the snare better.

Still think that guitar at :43 is muddy.

Nitpicky. It sounds good.
 
Yeah, I originally included the tympani because I thought it provided continuity between the sections. My wife thought it sounded out of place ... so I then took it out. That was before the chorus had vocals (where the tympani occurs), and now that there are more layers, I think the tympani doesn't stand out as clearly and provides the bridge.

... and the guitar is not muddy, it's just in a frequency range that's harder to hear clear with the strings going on. :)

Thanks bud!
 
you have a very different approach to songwriting than most others in here

it almost like its a song for a musical or part of a concept album...you write like youre telling a story


I can hear that the backing is vocal software but its surprisingly good (it has a japanese accent) I like the timpani and the parts that come straight after it, reminds me of parts of the pretty things SF Sorrow for some reason


nice one, enjoyed the journey
 
I like everything but the girl voice. "She" sounds ridiculous to me. I like the idea of a female there, but see if you can find a real one. kcearl may be available. :D

I think the sounds are all good and balanced well, but I think the drums on the whole are too loud in the mix. During the verses and the outro, there's like a hole in the mix. Drop the entire drum submix down a db or so. Maybe drop the vocals some too. Get more music in there and less vocals and drums. The timpani stuff sounds great. I think overall this is one of your better songs. Happy brithday. :)
 
I know this will be disregarded because its a song structure critique... but the vocal melody is VERY monotonous and there is way too much vibrato... makes it really redundant.

kinda makes a cool song boring.

but it reminds me of christmas, so thats cool

edit - i guess monotonous isnt the best word, but idk... just really repetitive and simple.

edit edit - the beginning note reminds me of this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uFalk1y38I&ob=av2e
 
kcearl said:
it almost like its a song for a musical or part of a concept album...you write like youre telling a story
Click to expand...

Y'know, I've got his "Unfit for Consumption" album in my music directory. (Although I never actually listen to it because it's one giant 50 minute mp3!)

Greg pointed out that the vocaloid sounds ridiculous. He's got a fair point there. You can get those things to sound very real, but you'll need to put a lot more work into it. Getting it to sound fake is easy, but is it appropriate for your song?

(Also, you can make most of the female ones sound more like a little girl-bot by cranking the "gender" parameter all the way up (or down, I forget which.))
 
kcearl said:
you have a very different approach to songwriting than most others in here

it almost like its a song for a musical or part of a concept album...you write like youre telling a story


I can hear that the backing is vocal software but its surprisingly good (it has a japanese accent) I like the timpani and the parts that come straight after it, reminds me of parts of the pretty things SF Sorrow for some reason


nice one, enjoyed the journey
Click to expand...

The vocaloid singer is a place holder. I wanted a female singer ... but couldn't find one ... and yet wanted to get the presentation w/in tolerable levels. Curiously some folks hate the sound and some folks love it. Personally, if I can find a real singer to sing it better, I'd prefer that.
 
Greg_L said:
I like everything but the girl voice. "She" sounds ridiculous to me. I like the idea of a female there, but see if you can find a real one. kcearl may be available. :D

I think the sounds are all good and balanced well, but I think the drums on the whole are too loud in the mix. During the verses and the outro, there's like a hole in the mix. Drop the entire drum submix down a db or so. Maybe drop the vocals some too. Get more music in there and less vocals and drums. The timpani stuff sounds great. I think overall this is one of your better songs. Happy brithday. :)
Click to expand...

Good thoughts all, G. As noted above, the synth is simply a representation awaiting somebody real to do it better ... and something was better than nothing. When I readdress the mix with that part fixed, I'll be revisiting this thread to look at your mix notes again. Thanks dude!
 
Bisson820 said:
I know this will be disregarded because its a song structure critique... but the vocal melody is VERY monotonous and there is way too much vibrato... makes it really redundant.

kinda makes a cool song boring.

but it reminds me of christmas, so thats cool

edit - i guess monotonous isnt the best word, but idk... just really repetitive and simple.

edit edit - the beginning note reminds me of this

Jay Sean - 2012 (It Ain't The End) ft. Nicki Minaj - YouTube
Click to expand...

Spot on comment -- when I originally wrote it with John, that was the first thing I thought too ... that both the chorus and the verse had a little too much linearity to them -- too much alike. I attempted to address it by changing the musical under bed. If you notice, the opening moves from synths to strings ... then into rock. The last verse is reminiscent of the others, but if you listen closely, is played completely differently that all the other sections. It's also why the chorus had to be female.

... but my singing voice I can do nothing about -- so that part I cannot change. :)
 
VomitHatSteve said:
Y'know, I've got his "Unfit for Consumption" album in my music directory. (Although I never actually listen to it because it's one giant 50 minute mp3!)

Greg pointed out that the vocaloid sounds ridiculous. He's got a fair point there. You can get those things to sound very real, but you'll need to put a lot more work into it. Getting it to sound fake is easy, but is it appropriate for your song?

(Also, you can make most of the female ones sound more like a little girl-bot by cranking the "gender" parameter all the way up (or down, I forget which.))
Click to expand...

It is a fair point (as noted above). I wasn't going to put too much time into a place holder though.

If you visit my website and download the updated free version of UFC, each song is broken up separately ... so you can jump from tune to tune. When I first got it in, it was as a single 50 minute stream ... but I fixed that. My other albums are there too, also free to anyone ... you don't need to be a site member anymore. I found a way to hide the files from the bots harvesting them, so it was no longer necessary to put them in a secure area.
 
the mans vocals are a bit detached. try a bit of longer reverb & lower the vox by e.g. 1-1.5dB . on the other side, the FX on the females voice is quite strange.
the drums don't really fit in the mix, they feel like a "foreign body". i think the overheads are the problem here. try to decrease a bit around maybe 5-7khz.
 
karumba said:
the mans vocals are a bit detached. try a bit of longer reverb & lower the vox by e.g. 1-1.5dB . on the other side, the FX on the females voice is quite strange.
the drums don't really fit in the mix, they feel like a "foreign body". i think the overheads are the problem here. try to decrease a bit around maybe 5-7khz.
Click to expand...

Excellent suggestions, K. I'd already made the lead vocal more wet with a hall reverb (longish tail) ... and wondered if I'd gone far enough -- for I thought the vocal too dry at first too. Your response helps me with that issue. I tried to bury the female vocals in a fog to try to hide their synth quality. When I get an actual vocalist to perform the part, I'll put both singers in the same space.

Interesting point about the drums too. I'll play around with your suggestion.

Thanks for the comments, quite helpful!
 
Updated mix ...

I needed to recede the kick/snare a bit and brought some of the other parts of the kit up. I thought the vocals hid the bed a little too much, so I pushed those back a little too ... still clear, but not dominating ...

... and I didn't fade this version ... is the fade better?

Thanks all!
 
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