WATCH a collab with Fritzthegirl & Ido1957

[rayc]

This is one of my hitherto unfinished projects entitled Watch.
LOTS of guitars, LOTS of minor chords, a bit of melancholy, a stinging solo and a voice that belies the lyrical bent (emphasis on bent).
Ido1957 created & plays the guitar solo while Fritzthegirl created the melody, amended the lyrics & sings.
At this stage I've merely dropped the vocal into the mix & need to listen a bit to decide how dense or otherwise the backing should be.
Obviously the drum track is merely a beat marker.
I've also removed all but 4 guitar tracks from a basic set up to create a lighter backing.
One is the basic track as it existed for a year or so. I still have 1/2 doz more affected guitars muted waiting for an MBV mix.
I'll have to listen some more & read your thoughts folks.
Ideas?



Below is a mix after reading, thinking & listening.

Watch
I have a job
I have a motor car
I have a passport
But don’t go too far
A pair of field bins
An accurate map
All within reach
There’s no handicap

I keep a close watch on the words you say
I keep a close watch on the interplay
I keep a close watch on the things you do
I keep a close watch on you

I have a life
And acquaintances
I have a good home
Secure finances
I ‘ve obligations
And a sense of place
Two obsessions
And a travel case.

I keep a close watch as the pattern grow
I keep a close watch on the tracks in snow
I keep a close watch on anything new
I keep a close watch on you

Some recordings
And a 3 month log
I have night goggles
I see through the fog
I have a timeline
And an outcome planned
Some documents
And I’ll get those scanned.

I keep a close watch on your DNA
I keep a close watch on the games you play
I keep a close watch and one thing is true
I keep a close watch on you

I have neighbours
And a plain blue van
I have collections
And a tested plan
A pair of field bins
And a special place
All within reach
And a “just in case”

I keep a close watch on you night & day
I keep a close watch on your resume
I keep a close watch and the points accrue
I keep a close watch on you

I keep a close watch on the words you say
I keep a close watch on the interplay
I keep a close watch on the things you do
I keep a close watch on you x 2

 

[fritsthegirl]

Well I think it sounds great, and I'm not sayin' that cos I sang on it. I loved this tune the second I heard it and read the lyrics. Which Ray wrote BTW, I only changed about 3 words.

I wish I could be more intelligent on an opinion as far as the mix goes, but I'll leave that part and see what everyone else says first. It all sounds fine to me in both versions. Funnily enough we both agreed this morning that it might sound cool with doubling on the vocals in the chorus, so I'll attempt that over the next few days.

Mega cool tune though Ray, and good job on the guitar too Ido1957. Love it.

 

[jonny deep]

Well I think it sounds great, and I'm not sayin' that cos I sang on it. I loved this tune the second I heard it and read the lyrics. Which Ray wrote BTW, I only changed about 3 words.

I wish I could be more intelligent on an opinion as far as the mix goes, but I'll leave that part and see what everyone else says first. It all sounds fine to me in both versions. Funnily enough we both agreed this morning that it might sound cool with doubling on the vocals in the chorus, so I'll attempt that over the next few days.

Mega cool tune though Ray, and good job on the guitar too Ido1957. Love it.

Doubling the vocals?!?! Surely only a pro could do that .

 

[fritsthegirl]

Doubling the vocals?!?! Surely only a pro could do that .

I want it to sound EXACTLY like Bruce Springsteen. If I can't manage it I'm going to come and sulk on here about it and make all you guys feel bad for my failings.

 

[rayc]

Fritzthegirl,
I rather like it too. I do want to cteate a mix that does justice to your voice though.
johnnydeep,
you'll have to wait to discover the truth!
Fritzthegirl again,
Bruce eh? I do love The Wild The Innocent & the E Street Shuffle album. Sandy is a classic as is Rosalita. Double track to your heart's content.

 

[jonny deep]

Hey ray, et al.

I found a few minutes to listen to the version marked 'Light'. Good song, I rather enjoyed it. You say the vocals are just dropped in - a few syllables were lost on the lower notes, I guess this is something you'll fix.

I found the rhythm guitar strumming pattern was maybe a bit too busy and distracted me from the vocal. I don't know if you need to retrack something simpler, change which guitar parts you have muted or if there's something you can do with the mix (either widen the panning, push back with reverb or eq out some of the frequencies so it sits there more nicely).

Are the drums programmed? It seemed like it was the same pattern repeated. Is this something you've yet to work on?

I love Fritz's simple singing style, but as said above, you could do with some more vocal parts. Doubling, harmonies, etc. would make for a richer experience.

Nice song and sounds pretty good so far, though! I like the sinisterness. I'm a big fan of jolly sounding stuff that's actually quite dark - that's generally my goal for my material, although it doesn't often come out that way in the end.

 

[robgreen]

This is a really terrific tune - wow, the contributions from frits and ido really work well. Excellent lyrics too, I can imagine David Byrne coming up with something like this thematically

I much prefer mix one as all the parts sound in different spaces at the moment on mix two - maybe because the 'AM radio' type guitar processing leaves the mix a bit thin. Have you a few more of the guitars present in the first mix? Love the wall of sound guitars feel to it - is it a wah pedal that creates the overdriven swirl?

Maybe a little more reverb and a touch more upper mids on Trish's vocal to really bed it into the mix and lift it.

I do love me some Springsteen too - neither The Wild, The Innocent... nor Nebraska are necessarily what people think of first when Springsteen comes to mind , but they're both really, really good albums

 

[jonny deep]

I do love me some Springsteen too - neither The Wild, The Innocent... nor Nebraska are necessarily what people think of first when Springsteen comes to mind , but they're both really, really good albums

I like the Bob Seger sessions album.

 

[Greg_L]

I like the jist of the song and I like the theme of the lyrics, but I feel it has 1) way too many words and 2) the structure and melody is very monotonous. There's simply too much lyrical content to keep it from being a rapid-fire ping pong game from verse to chorus and back again. It's already 5 minutes long and adding tension or a build up between the verses and choruses would have this baby coming in at like 7 minutes. It's just too much in my opinion. I think the same story can be told without so much verbiage, there's a lot of re-wording of the same thing, and less words will allow more tension and dynamics in the arrangement. As it is now it's just verse/chorus one after the other with no difference between the two. Maybe more complex drumming can help with that. The lead seems out of place. It's done well, but the tone is too wild IMO and it seems like it's just stuck in there because, well, there has to be some kind of break in there somewhere. I could easily hear this with less words, a more complex arrangement, and instead of a typical guitar lead, a more instrumentally textured almost ambient kind of break. And as much as I genuinely like frit's voice in her own music, it's just strange to me to hear such a sweet whispy girl voice singing such a soft melody basically acting as a stalker. I like curveballs a lot, and I'm a big fan of everyone involved, but this one just didn't really work for me. Sorry.

As for the mix, I like the second one better. The guitars are clearer, less fizzy, the bass tone is great, and the vocals have more clarity.

 

[fritsthegirl]

And as much as I genuinely like frit's voice in her own music, it's just strange to me to hear such a sweet whispy girl voice singing such a soft melody basically acting as a stalker. I like curveballs a lot, and I'm a big fan of everyone involved, but this one just didn't really work for me. Sorry.

LOL. Curse this sweet voice of mine. I picked this song, I guess I feel more twisted than I sound. I could definitely stalk someone like this. In fact, I been watching your house for a few weeks.

 

[Greg_L]

LOL. Curse this sweet voice of mine. I picked this song, I guess I feel more twisted than I sound. I could definitely stalk someone like this. In fact, I been watching your house for a few weeks.

Cool. It's a nice house, huh? My grass is looking pretty full these days. It's been a nice summer so far.

 

[fritsthegirl]

Cool. It's a nice house, huh? My grass is looking pretty full these days. It's been a nice summer so far.

I just wish you wouldn't draw the curtains at night.

 

[Greg_L]

I just wish you wouldn't draw the curtains at night.

I'll open the blinds right now. I'm about to check the bias on this new amp. If you see sparks and smoke, call 911.

 

[fritsthegirl]

I'll open the blinds right now. I'm about to check the bias on this new amp. If you see sparks and smoke, call 911.

I only made a start on the vocals after hearing Ray's. I thought Ray singing it with me would sound pretty good, I really like the sound of his voice in conjunction with mine. Ain't nothing like a sweet duo. As for 911, thanks for the tip off. That might just save your life, I would have gone 999, then 111...while I was looking through your drawers and stealing your guitars.

 

[Manslick]

i recommend rehearsing the melody a lot more and maybe even creating one. all i hear is like a monotone, almost spoken lead into a little phrase at the end of each line. no real demarcation to the chorus part. i listened a few times and clicked randomly thru the wave and it's like all the same. there are serous pitch issues throughout, like you were watching TV or listening to an on-hold infomercial so you decided to sing a little do-de-da while the time passed.
ye my sad 2 pennies.

PS and i thought this was going to be a video from the title.

 

[rayc]

THird Mix (also on Original Post).
I read, thought & listened.
There're more dynamic changes between chorus & verse, (they are diff chord progressions),
There's a bit of chorus effect on the vocals - it grows as the verses progress (& in anticipation of possible double tracking)
The vocal is lower in V1 again as paert of character development.
I'm working on a different guitar arrangement for the chorus to further differentiate them.
The 1st verse is also very sparse.
Right direction?

 

[fritsthegirl]

i recommend rehearsing the melody a lot more and maybe even creating one. all i hear is like a monotone, almost spoken lead into a little phrase at the end of each line. no real demarcation to the chorus part. i listened a few times and clicked randomly thru the wave and it's like all the same. there are serous pitch issues throughout, like you were watching TV or listening to an on-hold infomercial so you decided to sing a little do-de-da while the time passed.
ye my sad 2 pennies.

PS and i thought this was going to be a video from the title.

Shiiiii, that bad? I can understand and accept my vocals might not be everyone's cup of tea on this tune, but this feedback on the quality of my singing is unacceptable. I definitely don't want it to sound like I wasn't bothered or hadn't thought the melody through enough. That's baaad.

Ray, in fairness to you and Ido perhaps I should revisit not just the doubling but the entire vocals of this tune. I don't want to be the weakest link on this project.

Thanks for the honest feedback Man's lick.

 

[VomitHatSteve]

I generally like rapid-fire vocals. This song could use a bit more dynamics on them though. Maybe turn one of the verses into a bridge?

I also heard a number of lip smacks on the vox throughout.

Since the drums now are just a placeholder, maybe it would help to turn them down a bit to help the other parts stick out better?

 

[Manslick]

^^^^this, right here will improve it, dynamics and if you can throw something emotional in there, bonus.

 

[Lt. Bob]

I want it to sound EXACTLY like Bruce Springsteen. If I can't manage it I'm going to come and sulk on here about it and make all you guys feel bad for my failings.