Wake up and get out of your collective fantasy worlds . . .

  • Thread starter Thread starter chessrock
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I know you're not going to believe this, but the other day I was digging holes for my wife to plant some flowers and I hit something hard with my shovel. It was a watertight metal case that the previous owner of my house apparently buried for safekeeping and then forgot. Inside - you won't believe it!! - the actual microphone that Micky Dolenz used to record " Last Train to Clarksville." - with a certificate of authenticity from the seller. Signed by .... Bobby Hart ...or something like that. This is the coolest thing I've ever found buried in a yard!! I'm going to keep it quiet until all the Monkees have died and then sell it on Ebay. What? You don't believe me? I don't care. You think I'm lying, I know. I'm not lying I tell you. If you don't believe me you can just drop dead.
 
Oh, and does anyone want to see a picture of my Behringer Ultrafex? I'm pretty proud of it. Cool piece of gear. If you don't have one, you're not a real home recordist. and that's the real truth.
 
The other day I was dead......and they buried me and I kept feeling something poking me in the back......and I was like, "What the hell is that?" .......and you'll never guess.......it was a vintage tube compressor so when I came back to life I ......uh.......hmmmmm........where was I going with this?........never mind.
 
Well, I found a TR-909 for $200 in a music shop in a small Swedish town in 1989, and managed to convince them to throw in a memory cartridge.
And yes, that IS completely and utterly true! Man I love that machine. :)


I also once bought an octaver for my guitar, or rather, I got the octaver, was told to go to the cashier, stood there trying to get the attention of somebody so I could pay for ten minutes, and then finally got so pissed off that I just walked out. With the octaver.

Of course, it didn't work properly when I got home. It makes a very strange bruumszzztsft sound which indeed is one octave lower than what you put in. But you are supposed to be able to mix that with the orginal signal. But instead, what you do get out when you try to mix in the original signal if the most godawfully brutal and evil distortion you have ever heard. :eek:

Which in its own way is kinda cool. :)
 
Hahahaha, let me paraphrase:


"
Here are my insecurities:

1) I can hardly accept that anyone could have a stroke of luck! You have too much behringer gear to have a stroke of luck and you know nothing anyways!

2) I have better gear than you, and have know all about this stuff since the moment I was born! If you are asking behringer gear, you must be some sort of halfwit that doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground, and should drop of the face of the earth lest we all run out the of air that you are currently wasting.

3) My sense of creativity and experimentation is about.... 0. I'm an in-the-box thinker. So it frustrates me to see other people coming up with weird ideas. Esspecially when they might work...

4) My penis is too small, and the best way I can find to make up for it is to post useless shit over and over again, so that I can impress upon all you newbies how stupid you are, and how annoying it is that you post useless shit over and over again..."

Oh gee, there was no 4...

Anyways, I'll give this post 5 stars, and I think we should sticky it to the top of the Rack forum... I'm going to print it off, and add it to my small collection of useful articles. I'll then refer to it everytime I think of opening my mouth, and promptly decide not to ;) (This document is also available in Spanish, Japanese, and French for those of you who are too ignorant and out-of-touch to speak my language.)
 
SmattyG said:

Here are my insecurities:

1) I can hardly accept that anyone could have a stroke of luck!
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Ya well its one thing to get struck by lightening, but to get struck every other day is another thing.....................
 
I wonder what it would sound like if someone used a kickdrum mic as a pedal while it was on.
 
SmattyG said:
Anyways, I'll give this post 5 stars, and I think we should sticky it to the top of the Rack forum... I'm going to print it off, and add it to my small collection of useful articles. I'll then refer to it everytime I think of opening my mouth, and promptly decide not to ;) (This document is also available in Spanish, Japanese, and French for those of you who are too ignorant and out-of-touch to speak my language.)
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Look SmearyG . . . I don't give a crap about your take on this. If you have problems with any of it, then chances are, you are the one with the insecurities. Let me recap:

1) Yes, there is such a thing as a stroke of luck. People do win the lottery, and the publisher's clearing house sweepstakes, etc. etc. And yes, I'm sure people score the occasional Hummel figurine and maybe even an expensive mic at a garage sale.

But you have to understand there are statistical probabilities behind all of this, and it does boil down to mathematics. If one person, for example were to parade on to this board and say, "Hey, SmearyG! I just won $1,000,000 in the lottery!" I might even believe the guy. It's when 12 other guys also start posting the same thing that I'm going to get a little suspicious. How many lottery winners are there, as a percentage of the population, and what are the statistical chances that they'd all hang out on the same internet chat board.

The mathematical probabilities just don't allow for it. Honestly, Smeary. How many garage sales have you been to? How many of them contained pro audio gear of any kind? Or anything cool, for that matter. Think, SmuttyG. Think.

2) Look, I'm not judging anyone by the type of gear they have or how big their wanker is or anything like that. If you've even bothered to peak your weasly head in to the rack forum at any time over the last few weeks, you may have noticed Mr. Q starting like 1,000 posts in his little political vendetta against Behringer. After the 1,000th post saying the same goddamn thing, I'm poking fun at Mr. Q okay? And unlike SmearyG, he actually gets the joke! Sorry it sailed over your pointy head. Loser.

3) As for 3, if you really want to show me some out-of-the-box thinkers, then try hooking a kick mic up to your stereo, and post me a picture of you and several friends all gathered around, grooving to the infectios sounds coming out of your kick drum mic. SmaltyG, you can call me closed-minded all you want. I just figured speakers were for listening and mics were for micing. Sorry for being such a square. Loser.

4) I don't single out newbies for the useless shit they post. I single out anyone and everyone, regardless of how many dumb posts they've managed to squeek by undetected. SmearyGspot, in your last post, you've actually managed to prove yourself even stupider than the greenest of newbs, and have revealed your own insecurities in the process. How does it feel to be such a wanker?
 
chessrock said:
I don't single out newbies for the useless shit they post. I single out anyone and everyone, regardless of how many dumb posts they've managed to squeek by undetected.
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I will attest to that...............:D
 
Hey chess, didja' know THAT Beringer also makes fine wines!!??:eek: :p :eek:

Behringer got it's grubby paws into everything now!!:D ;) :p :p :D
 

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MISTERQCUE said:
Hey chess, didja' know THAT Beringer also makes fine wines
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When I first got in to all this, I said to myself: "No wonder people keep bitching about all this Behringer stuff. They're a winery for crying out loud."

Yea, it's all part of their evil empire. Before long, they're going to buy out Disney, Turner broadcasting, Clearchannel, Microsoft and Bonneville and then they'll own and control everything.
 
I bought a cheap small gun the other day for hiding in my sock......it was a Dolt Berringer
 
Correct me if I am wrong, but cell phones have both a speaker AND a microphone...........;)
 
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Don't give anyone any ideas. Probably won't be long before we see people sticking those in front of a kick drum, too.
 
Hmmmm.....I wonder,.....if I could just tap into the phones' line out......ought to be a way.........that little condenser mic might have some good properties......hmmm.......mumble mumble......
 
Lt. Bob said:
Hmmmm.....I wonder,.....if I could just tap into the phones' line out......ought to be a way.........that little condenser mic might have some good properties......hmmm.......mumble mumble......
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Isn't it funny how things like that can shape a hole song into something more than just another guitar/bass/drums/vocals arangment.

Some say FisherPrice is for children.......I say its made by adults......so you fill in the blanks.
 
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