This time - Feedback / criticism desired =)

snakeyez

snakeyez

New member
Hey everybody, I was hoping to get some analysis on one of my tunes i've been working on. I am very open minded so don't be afraid at all to leave negative comments. Anything helps!

This time -


Additionally, if anyone is feeling particularly generous with their time and/or opinions, I have 3 other songs posted on my myspace page.

http://www.myspace.com/willwalden

Thanks!
 
I love the vocals sound you've got going there. Very Patrick Stump. Nice harmonies too.

I like what you're trying with the strings, but i don't think that particular string sound you've selected is the right one for this song. Too synthy. This might be way out of line, but how about trying a cellos?

Are the drums programmed? Some of the fills seem a bit random and kind of break up the groove of the song. I think the snare could use a bit more body to it too.

also during the "i wonder if my wings have been clipped" the guitar seems to get off beat a bit, sounds kinda funky.

Overall I like the song a lot though. Good job.
 
Good suggestion with the strings, I'll try out other stringed instruments and see how they sound. On the other hand, they're real recordings (supposedly) of strings. (east west symphonic orchestra sound database).

I see what you're saying about the guitar during the bridge.... I guess I am used to it, as it's a different strumming pattern that i was using, but it maybe doesnt match the song's rhythm completely.

Yes, the drums are programmed.

Thanks a lot for the tips!
 
The intro feels off. I think the strings should start on the 4th beat of the measure. That first note sounds like it should be a pick-up note. As it is, it feels like the acoustic guitar (and the rest of the song) comes in too soon.

At first I thought the vocals sounded thin. But maybe just bump them up a little. Be sure to check your mixes at low volume also. btw, the vocal performance is very good. Nice harmonies.

Don't like the ending. Hope that gets edited at some point.

Are you using ezdrummer??

good song.

Peace.
 
Yeah, I'm not crazy about the abrupt ending.

I've got ezdrummer also, so I know how much editing you went trhough with it. good job.

Cheers,
 
I liked the synth soundfonts...but, they seem to hot level wise in the mix...
vox seems low in the mix....so does the guitar....thebass line is totally buried...the only time I can actually hear it is on the intro...
Guitar tone is tinny......a low and mid boost might help....it also sounds like you are too far away from the mic....and it sounds like a nylon string classical....is it?
If I didn't read that the drums were programmed I would have thought that they were real...very cool man....
Performance wise...everything is spot on.
Great performance all around except for the ending...I didn't like the harsh stop either....this tune could fade and maybe add some woah ho ho harmony vox in there.....actually the whole tune could use more harmony vox...I dig the part that you did in the round though...very creative man....

Excellent tune man....I really dug it.
 
vocal is a bit quiet in verse, is a nice volume in the chorus but pops out too much on the high notes. a little more compression might tame that nicely, along with riding the fader up for the verse. I agree about the strings not really working. they can be real strings recorded, but when you get the exact same sound every time you play a note, it ends up sounding fake nonetheless, cause that's not realistic. Drums do sometimes interfere with the groove, on the fills. Hmm, maybe not the groove, I think they interfere with the vocal. Abrupt endings can be cool, but not here.

Pretty cool song though. Thumbs up.
 
Wow, this is some phenomenal feedback guys!

I personally feel that the vox in the chorus sticks out a little too much, I cant quite figure out how to make it "laced in" so to speak. heh.

I'll work on those strings, the bass line, ending, and guitar sound.

The guitar is not a classical, it's an acoustic, but i had the high end turned up a little on it. Perhaps i got it wrong... which wouldnt surprise me since i really know very little about mastering / mixing, i'm just doing it by ear. I'll try altering the EQ for the guitar, adding low and mid, and bumping up the volume a tad.

Thx again, you guys rock! I'd buy ya lunch if it were possible. :)
 
the chorus vox is at a nice level but just needs to be adusted for when it jumps out. do you have any compression on the vocal? you need to either adjust that or just manually go through the chorus with a volume envelope and turn it down some when it jumps out so the whole things sounds uniform. The experts will probably tell you that the 2nd method is the way to go, although it takes a while longer.
 
oooo "volume envelope" I've always wondered what the envelope feature was... perhaps now is a good time to learn it. I guess when i said my vox stand out in the chorus, i mean it just sounds kind of harsh or ugly i guess (mainly the 1st chorus, the 2nd and 3rd are a little better). Maybe i'm just being over critical.
 
Wow dude, your vocals are awesome, wish I had the head voice like you. I cant even go higher than the G before male High C ( without straining hard).:P did you take vocal lessons or did it just come naturally?:P About the acoustic guitar, it sounds just the way I like my guitar, but I still can't figure out how to achieve it. did you used a mic or just plugged the guitar in directly? The song is very nice recorded and composed!

John
 
snakeyez said:
oooo "volume envelope" I've always wondered what the envelope feature was... perhaps now is a good time to learn it. I guess when i said my vox stand out in the chorus, i mean it just sounds kind of harsh or ugly i guess (mainly the 1st chorus, the 2nd and 3rd are a little better). Maybe i'm just being over critical.
Click to expand...

it may be that you don't like it simply because it doesn't sound perfect right now, but once you learn how to automate the volume on your vocal you may find the problem is primarily fixed. for someone who hasn't yet learned how to automate, this is a particularly good recording.
 
JohnDude said:
Wow dude, your vocals are awesome, wish I had the head voice like you. I cant even go higher than the G before male High C ( without straining hard).:P did you take vocal lessons or did it just come naturally?:P About the acoustic guitar, it sounds just the way I like my guitar, but I still can't figure out how to achieve it. did you used a mic or just plugged the guitar in directly? The song is very nice recorded and composed!

John
Click to expand...

Hey, thanks for the compliments!
I have never taken "lessons" but I was in choir since 6th grade. I blame my high range on singing along with dashboard confessional in the car in HS... lol

The guitar is just a regular acoustic guitar, i recorded it (and vox) through an AT4040 condenser mic --> dmp3 --> delta 44. The mic is inside a homemade portable vocal "box" -- Similar to this =

 
That's a nice setup you got there! I'm planning to buy a Rode NT1A, I hope I'll get some good results with that one.
 
I definitely hear the Dashboard influence. Which is cool to me. I love Dashboard. And no, I am not gay. :)

Anyways, it's very emo.
 
blkdog7 said:
I definitely hear the Dashboard influence. Which is cool to me. I love Dashboard. And no, I am not gay. :)

Anyways, it's very emo.
Click to expand...
Hehe I Lol'd! :P
Yesterday I searched for some songs on Youtube of Dashboard Confessional and they sound great. They sound just like I like to play my chord progressions. The vibe and harmonic of their music is very smooth.
 
Nice song, well sung and played, good hookline.
Voice does seem to get a bit lost in the verses. I think it'just right in the chorus, though. The abraupt end sounds a little unnatural. I like abrupt endings (totally hate fade-outs!) and I'm sure you can make it better. There's an acoustic befor the last chorus that seem to have a bit of a timing issue, nothing you can't fix. Overall, nice job! ;)

Cheers
Joe
 
...

Dashboard is awesome dude. Visited your myspace and all your songs were really great.

Can you list everything you use to record your songs? =]
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top