rayc
retroreprobate
Here's a new lyric I started last week. I was reading The Doors of Perception by Aldos Huxley and was struck by his excellent yet strangely formal written English. I recalled the date of its writing and the fact that much/most written English was formal and not a little wordy back then. I decided to write something in a similar style. I failed because I tried to work to a fairly strict syllable count & metre. Neverthless, I think a few interesting phrases came out of the reading & writing. I decided to go for a shift in narrative/formality gear for a planned keychange coming into a solo then back into the original, more oblique story. I also added some phonetic breakdowns where I wanted the word/s to be said formally or differently.
I even threw in a joke - a poor one based on an old existential conundrum/pun.
Any thoughts, comments, suggestions folks?
The Purely Visual Struggles of a Partially Reconstructed Male.
The poor quietist is not quite, 8 (note not EST, IST -someone who keeps quiet)
Detached from all the nettles. 6
Of the pale neurotic heroine, 9 (new rotik)
Who’s presence tests his mettle. 7
Though Cubist’s eyes see plastics arts, 8
Spread out along the string. 6
The pharmacologist’s repertory, 10 (reppertree)
Delivered by hireling. 7 (high er ling)
In my stupor I shirk it, 7 (stew pah)
Hold my stoic serenity. 8 (stow ick)
Put on my mental makeup, 7
Of managed reality. 7
Is Dharma Body a hedge fund? 8 (dar mah)
Human capacity. 6
Recording her legible sleep talk, 9
Know how she might perceive me. 7 (per see v)
My beatic visions clouded, 8 (bee attic)
An active principle. 6
Itching fear of gothic aspirations, 10 (ass peer ay shuns)
Even less manageable. 7
In my stupor adoring, 7
Generational fealty. 8 (fee al tee)
Put on my mental makeup, 7
I manage servility. 7
Unpleasant possibilities, 8
Potential for the past. 6
Decomposition of adrenaline, 10 ( a dren a lin)
Guarantees the die is cast. 7
In my stupor I shirk it, 7
But hold fragile serenity. 8
Touch up my mental makeup, 7
A sense of civility. 7 (siv ill ity)
Runaways eats chocolate 7 (choc o lat) m/8 & poss key change
Just stolen from the garage store 8 (ga rarge)
Shelter ‘neath the overpass 7 (neeth)
Where young lovers go no more. 7
In my stupor I see it, 7
Cold, stoic serenity. 8
Adjust my mental makeup, 7
To buy some tranquillity. 7
In my stupor I work it, 7
Drop stoic serenity. 8 (stoe ick)
Remove my mental makeup, 7
Can’t manage reality. 7
I even threw in a joke - a poor one based on an old existential conundrum/pun.
Any thoughts, comments, suggestions folks?
The Purely Visual Struggles of a Partially Reconstructed Male.
The poor quietist is not quite, 8 (note not EST, IST -someone who keeps quiet)
Detached from all the nettles. 6
Of the pale neurotic heroine, 9 (new rotik)
Who’s presence tests his mettle. 7
Though Cubist’s eyes see plastics arts, 8
Spread out along the string. 6
The pharmacologist’s repertory, 10 (reppertree)
Delivered by hireling. 7 (high er ling)
In my stupor I shirk it, 7 (stew pah)
Hold my stoic serenity. 8 (stow ick)
Put on my mental makeup, 7
Of managed reality. 7
Is Dharma Body a hedge fund? 8 (dar mah)
Human capacity. 6
Recording her legible sleep talk, 9
Know how she might perceive me. 7 (per see v)
My beatic visions clouded, 8 (bee attic)
An active principle. 6
Itching fear of gothic aspirations, 10 (ass peer ay shuns)
Even less manageable. 7
In my stupor adoring, 7
Generational fealty. 8 (fee al tee)
Put on my mental makeup, 7
I manage servility. 7
Unpleasant possibilities, 8
Potential for the past. 6
Decomposition of adrenaline, 10 ( a dren a lin)
Guarantees the die is cast. 7
In my stupor I shirk it, 7
But hold fragile serenity. 8
Touch up my mental makeup, 7
A sense of civility. 7 (siv ill ity)
Runaways eats chocolate 7 (choc o lat) m/8 & poss key change
Just stolen from the garage store 8 (ga rarge)
Shelter ‘neath the overpass 7 (neeth)
Where young lovers go no more. 7
In my stupor I see it, 7
Cold, stoic serenity. 8
Adjust my mental makeup, 7
To buy some tranquillity. 7
In my stupor I work it, 7
Drop stoic serenity. 8 (stoe ick)
Remove my mental makeup, 7
Can’t manage reality. 7
Last edited:
. Good job !
