Maybe in your genre of music, but in jazz/improv "grooving off each other" is a very really thing.
In a live setting, yes... I've played keys in a combo and don't claim to be an expert or be very good at it, but I understand about taking cues off each other, helping develop ideas during improv, working together, etc, but if you want to capture that kind of spontaneity then you do a
live recording. Live recordings can be great from an audio point of view, but at the same time you can't get hung about perfection; things like snare rattle, etc. That happens in the room whilst you're
'grooving' live - you want to capture what's happening in the room - you live with it.
But...
Live is live and anything goes, but trying capture a great live performance with studio sound is what i'm after
Well, whatever they say, it sounds like the OP wants something a bit more than a live recording. When you want to capture a performance in this way (that step up from a live) then then you will have worked on it together for a while and (for the purposes of the recording) probably should have agreed on certain things so you know what is happening where, etc. That doesn't mean you can't improvise, but you do so within a structure and within a given direction. You develop your "script" from all your ideas and you practice it.
There's nothing wrong with sacrificing a bit of freedom and practicing playing within more rigid boundaries for the purpose of a good recording... regardless of how "free" you're playing is whilst you're recording, once its recorded its fairly set in stone. The person listening won't care if you maybe rehearsed that spontaneous-sounding (but not really) transition a few times to get it spot on in the recording.
Anyway, this guy manages to "groove off his own vibe" just fine...
But that is completely going off the point...
The OP asked how to solve / work around the snare rattle. Suggestions have been made but rejected.
How do headphones "ruin your vibe"? You can still hear each... you can still see each other... get a good headphone mix going and it can give you better cues than the sound in the room (whilst still allowing you all to play dynamically).