Please Critique - Quirky Pop Tune

D

DarkFriend

New member
Re-record of an old song. First go didn’t really do it justice, and wasn’t how I heard it in my head. Another home mastering job here. The final version will be going to John at Massive Mastering when the rest of the CD is complete.

A highly quirky pop gem about being infatuated with a girl, complete with daydreams, a plot to win her over, and even some unsavory activity bordering on stalking. Unfortunately, the protagonist doesn’t know her name, which is a bit ironic considering he thinks she’s his soulmate.

Interested in any comments on the performance, production, mixing and marketability of the song.



If I Knew Your Name

You know me, I live downstairs in apartment 3-G
I’ve seen you at the mailbox, and by the pool
But I digress, you sure look pretty in that dress
And here I stand, just looking like a fool

Won’t you go, with me to this show?
I’ll carry you home into my world
Because you can’t guess, all the thought that I’ve invested
If I knew your name, I know you’d be my girl

Don’t forget, the Wednesday that we first met
A golden Shih Tzu scratching at my door
“Thanks” you sighed, but at that moment I just died
And I came up with this plan to make you mine..

Won’t you go, with me to this show?
I’ll carry you home into my world
Because you can’t guess, all the time that I’ve invested
If I knew your name, I know you’d be my girl

I can’t see this going any other way
Because I’ve been waiting for this day so long
There’s a promise that I hope you’ll hear me say
“I do..”

Keeping watch, on the parking lot
A new Mercedes with shiny Texas plates
Who’s that guy? And what’s he done to make you cry?
If there’s a God above, he’s just now sealed our fates

Won’t you go, with me to this show?
I’ll carry you home into my world
Because you can’t guess, all the time that I’ve invested
If I knew your name, I know you’d be my girl
If I knew your name, I know you’d be my girl
 
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production sounds great to me. Found myself wishing the chorus was a little shorter, or just different. The lines leading up to "if I knew your name..." Just feel the same as the verses (same or very similar melody and chords), so I don't feel enough differentiation between them and the verses. Otherwise a very catch and fun tune.
 
Yeah, Fountains of Wayne comes to mind. Little bit of a beach boys break down in the middle there that was nice.

Main vocal doesn't quite sit in the mix for whatever reason, but I can't say why. The mix sounds solid, the vocal just stand out in a weird way to my ears. Maybe experiment a little more with it.

It's a fun pop song though.
 
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