New track, "The Herd"...comments?

[Fat_Satchel]

This is something fun Ive been working on. Please give me your opinions on the writing if you would...the mix/arrangement too if you feel like it but Im more interested in feedback on the writing as this is a bit "left field". I know its a short song (2.26) but its part of a larger concept CD.

Lemming Scream

Comments on any of the other materials on the site are welcome too

The Herd (No one hears the lemming scream)
Copyright © 2005 by Matt Brosnan
Note: Parts in [...] are spoken

Intro
[All Lemmings should immediately report to the edge for jumping off
All eager Lemmings please keep to the left side of the herd
Those Lemmings less eager should keep to the right side of the herd
Where you will be assisted with your jump off of the edge.
Thank you all for coming out today and enjoy the festivities]

[The edge, the edge
Everyone jump off the edge, the edge
We’ve got to get to the edge, the edge
Somebody said jump off]
<Repeat throughout>

Verse
The herd moves on
Grazing happily
Heads hung low
[All together now!]
Don’t Get Eaten
Each day’s only goal
[Move along! Move along!]
With eyes to the ground
The herd moves
As a whole
[Hey! Yes you! Keep moving!]

Chorus
Only one dares make a stand
Jump off the edge?
Have you gone mad?
But no one hears the Lemming scream
No one hears the Lemming scream
[The edge, the edge everyone jump off the edge]
<Repeat Chorus 1x>

[All right! Move along!]

Verse
The herd moves on
One big family
Under the sun
[Next! Next!]
See them playing in the fields
So happy, having fun
[C’mon now! Watcher waiting for!]
When the time comes
They’re going to throw themselves off
One by one by one
[You there! Get out of the way!]

Chorus
Only one dares make a stand
Jump off the edge?
Have you gone mad?
But no one hears the Lemming scream
No one hears the Lemming scream
[The edge, the edge everyone jump off the edge]
<Repeat Chorus 1x>

Thanks!

LS