Last Hurrah

[mixmkr]

mixmkr:.."kick the H out of the chorus"...what is "h"???....hihat?..man i was embaressed to put that piano "sound " even in there...it sucks...its a casio..lol..big wiiiiide vocals thats what i was thinkin too..cool."bring the second verse up over the first verse"...that part stumps me too??....

man..you been speakin' "white boy" too long..!!

kick the HELL out of the chorus. rock the fucker!!!

"bring the 2nd verse up over the 1st verse" by making it more powerful, dynamic, more instrumentation... creating dynamics to your song as a whole. Why have two verses the same?...boring.. the 2nd verse needs to build on the 1st or be a adaptation of it... otherwise the song is a flatliner!!

 

[Myx62]

You got some great vocals in parts of the song. Maybe get them consistant and even the levels throughout the song. I also think the chorus needs some harmonies. The drum sounds live compared to the rest of the song also. I like this. Its a good song, just needs some work and its worthy of it.... The gtr solo was good but needs a different tone I think. Using the piano at the ending would be a good idea. Maybe just do the guitars and vocals without the drums on the intro for a few measures.....
This does remind me of nirvana.
Myx

 

[jcmm]

Not at ALL what I expected.

A fine sound and played really well.
Vox are A1 and the tune moves fluently. A change in chord progression or something would work but there are nice uses of tempo change here.
There is alot of real estate to cover in that solo. Nice cord patterns and stuff.................maybe after you stew on it a bit you will come up with something different.

So you buy a Les Paul and become some hard rock'n kinda dude?
Maybe thats where you were before I came on board (I don't know )

But don't forget the acoustic once in a while

I live around 20 minutes from the birthplace of Les Paul "The Wizard of Waukesha"
They are spending a fortune building a Les Museum. He is donating a ton of his old inventions and stuff from his personal collection. Should be an interesting place when finished!

Nice job Jamal!
Joel

 

[chrisharris]

TOTALLY SELF-ABSORBED POST

I know this is Jamal's thread, but since he blamed the solo on me, I figure I should respond too. I always kinda' think of guitar solos as necessary evils (like drums...LOL).

There is alot of real estate to cover in that solo.

No shit...LOL. I'm glad somebody noticed that. When Jamal sent me the tune, all I could hear was that whopping :50 seconds of canvas that needed to be filled. I'm intrigued and awed by guitar players that can rage for the entire length of a 3 or 4 minute instrumental tune without it getting boring (Eric Johnson comes to mind). This is the only solo I've ever recorded (or played, for that matter) that I had to map out into sections (3 of them).

Regardless of the quality of the outcome, the process itself was pretty cool to go through, and I recommend it.

But the tone sucked.

BTW - Thanks for the nod, JR#97. It's actually not a delay, it's just a second git line tucked over on the right, but it was supposed to answer the first line, so I'm glad you heard it as a delay.













































(I can't believe nobody has said that the solo is too danged long, b/c that means I did a PERFECT job of changing it up and breaking it into sections. Yes, I totally rule. )

 

[participant]

Out of school early tonite (one o' them "do your homework in class" classes)... so will work on this in a few for an hour or two before nitenite. Quick note: good start to a song... slow, sexy... & whatever


-C

 

[Jamal Bucket]

wow.....sheesh..

b-sabbath:..cool im trying to "power it up a bit"..i just dont have the "arsenal" of sounds that you do ....damnit..

erichenryus:...really thanks man...this is about my limit vocal wise..im gonna resing it and try this time ..what you hear on here now its not that i wasnt trying but i wasnt concentrating on the vocals alot....thanks for the songwriting nod too...thats what im most proud of i think

tripible-m:..yeah im going to add some harmonies for sure..im not sold on the double tracking thing i have a hard time mixing it...it always ends up sounding like im doing a duet with myself..lol..

ianw-uk:..nirvana..yeah it was bound to happen...but hell i guess you cant help but sound like the stuff you listen too somewhat..right?....yeah the ending should be different on the final version..thinkin maybe some more lead-ish guitar...thanks

jr97:...KICK ASS!!!...nice!...yeah my face was plenty red by the end of all those na na na 's...lmao....glad you dug it..!!!!

A1A2:...thanks ..im not actively TRYING to sound like nirvana but again if it somehow comes through im just fine with it!....about that guitar droping out..thats just a bad edit....my fault but these are scratch tracks for the most part so ill fill it all in .....man u listened to acid wash..?...did you lose a bet or something???lmao

chad:...sorry man i sent you a pm......my bad...

mixmkr:....lol yeah waaaay too much white boy...i see what your saying ...that chorus needs to explode!!! thats a great idea..i thought it did alittle bit your saying more EXPLOSIVENESS....just add a touch more each verse till the big EXPLOSION!!!!....LOL....got it..thanks.....cracker

mix62:...that drum idea not bringin them up at the begining ..thats a great idea!...you guys need to listen to some REAL singers more...lmao....thanks. tho..and i think i will add the piano at the end as well.....nice one.

jcmm:...well i wouldnt call me hard rockin......YET........lol..that guitar solo in case you didnt read the first post was chris harris i COULD not play it for my life...man i have tried and tried to think of a change or a break ..but i cant come up with one..???...les paul museum i smell the next "vacation" plans......

chad (again)...look DO NOT skip class just do the drums..lol...really get your edumacation in first so you have something to fall back on in case my tour falls through...hahahahahahahah....i cant wait to hear what you do to this.......hurry up.......done yet?..


ok .thanks again ..long live nirvanish semi ok vocally delivered sad pop.

jamal

 

[Kramer]

I really like this man.My ears kept wanting to hear the vocals a little thicker and it seems the lead vocal is off to the left of center just a little....kinda strange....the back up vocals are really good.Cool back up going on there...haha!Chris "lay me a solo" harris on guitar?!Cool man.

I like it a lot jamal.The vocals sound a lot thicker coming out of the guitar solo.Thats what my ears kept wanting to hear earlier in the tune.

Ok,Im through rambling....wait....Another vocal line doing some lower register stuff at the end of the song (last 20 seconds of the tune)might sound good along with that high vocal thing.Now Im through.

Good tune jamal.

 

[Erich Arndt]

i think this is a really great song, personally... the repetition is kind of the hook, i think... have you ever heard of "mourning widows", it's nuno bettencourt's current band... he does vocals and lead guitar... this song really reminds me a lot of some of their stuff, which coming from me is a really big compliment... it's almost like a suicide note with music behind it... very good, and i can feel it, the whole way through... i love your voice.

ony criticism: at a spot or two i felt that you didn't live up to your vocal potential by getting a little whiney on the high notes, when what i was expecting was more along the lines of opening up and getting louder and angrier... example "i'm a fake, i'm a fake, it's a choice that i make" the "choice that i make" line went up in tone, but not in feeling... it reminded me of myself when i record vocals in my house and am especially worried about the neigbors hearing me. you've got the kind of voice that can go from "semi-suicidal depressed" to "i hate the world and the world hates me back" and never miss a beat.

all in all i liked the song a lot, and my little nitpick isn't anything to worry about... my vision of music is almost never the same as anyone else's... which is why i am a "solo" recording artist. lol

 

[fenderlikingood]

I agree, this is a great tune!! And the repetitive vox are the hook!
it flow's, get's your attention, and it's easy to sing along with!!


nananananananananananananana I LOVE IT!!

i can't wait to hear the finished version!

MESMEROULICIOUS!!!!

Thank' man!!

peace

Rick

 

[Jamal Bucket]

I really like this man.My ears kept wanting to hear the vocals a little thicker and it seems the lead vocal is off to the left of center just a little....kinda strange....the back up vocals are really good.Cool back up going on there...haha!Chris "lay me a solo" harris on guitar?!Cool man.

I like it a lot jamal.The vocals sound a lot thicker coming out of the guitar solo.Thats what my ears kept wanting to hear earlier in the tune.

Ok,Im through rambling....wait....Another vocal line doing some lower register stuff at the end of the song (last 20 seconds of the tune)might sound good along with that high vocal thing.Now Im through.

Good tune jamal.

thanks kramer..
yeah im trying a few diff vocal lines along the lines you mentioned...this whole mix you heard was not screwed with at all by me...just recorded and burned..but your right about the vocal at the end of the song...i mught have some more lyrics that would work...and the sound of the vox after the solo i really dig too....just tryin out some diff chorus effects and layers....THANK GOD chris was able to cobble that solo together i tried and tried to come up with something but i think i blew my wad on the lyrics...i was all "magic-ed" out...lol..
thanks again

jamal

 

[Jamal Bucket]

i think this is a really great song, personally... the repetition is kind of the hook, i think... have you ever heard of "mourning widows", it's nuno bettencourt's current band... he does vocals and lead guitar... this song really reminds me a lot of some of their stuff, which coming from me is a really big compliment... it's almost like a suicide note with music behind it... very good, and i can feel it, the whole way through... i love your voice.

ony criticism: at a spot or two i felt that you didn't live up to your vocal potential by getting a little whiney on the high notes, when what i was expecting was more along the lines of opening up and getting louder and angrier... example "i'm a fake, i'm a fake, it's a choice that i make" the "choice that i make" line went up in tone, but not in feeling... it reminded me of myself when i record vocals in my house and am especially worried about the neigbors hearing me. you've got the kind of voice that can go from "semi-suicidal depressed" to "i hate the world and the world hates me back" and never miss a beat.

all in all i liked the song a lot, and my little nitpick isn't anything to worry about... my vision of music is almost never the same as anyone else's... which is why i am a "solo" recording artist. lol

well ALRIGHT!!..

there really is no hook that i conciously thought of..so the total vibe is a hook.....i guess your right..i mean there really isnt a stand out giutar riff or anything...im glad you "got" the message of lyrics...its about my sister and her dumbassed drinking problem..i tried to write it from her point of view...what must she be thinking?!?!?!...lol..and your right about the lyrical dynamics..most of this was layed down after 11o p.m...so loudnss was a real concern..i will check out the "mournign widows" that bettencourt is a monster on guitar might be kinda cool to hear him sing!.
thanks for takin the time man!..

jamal

 

[Jamal Bucket]

I agree, this is a great tune!! And the repetitive vox are the hook!
it flow's, get's your attention, and it's easy to sing along with!!


nananananananananananananana I LOVE IT!!

i can't wait to hear the finished version!

MESMEROULICIOUS!!!!

Thank' man!!

peace

Rick

RIIIIIIICK!!!.

you actually sang along?!?!?!.....sweeet. man thats all you need to say...ever......and that post you did in the poll thread "priceless" that was funny as hell!!!!.....roflmao..nice.

seriously hope that the final mix can live up to these expectations....



furiously working

jamal

 

[jake-owa]

Hey man. I totally dug the lyrics on this one. You've got some great lines in there.

That solo kicked some serious ass in my opinion.

I'd give it a bit more on the intro, some harmonics or a few notes on the guit ...something, it's a bit abrupt.

I agree about about rocking the fuck out of the second chorus, maybe some throat busting screaming. The line 'last hurrah' should be sung a bit stronger on the first run, it kind of fades.

That said, it's fine as it is also. Great tune Jamal, I like this new direction!

 

[alibish]

This is really good. Fantastic vocal performance.

I like the idea of not interrupting the vibe, but that means it needs more light and shade. Here's my ideas, which are probably wrong:

There's a weird high-ptched noise at several points - possibly a ground or interference problem with the guitar? It sounds like it's maybe happening when you take your hands off the strings. It's really noticeable at 0:03, 0:33 and 4:24.

Take the drums out completely at 0:27. Bring the kick back in at 0:38.

Harmony on the "it's a choice that I make" line, leading into the chorus.

Bigger drums at 0:50 - maybe on crash/splash or something? (As if it wasn't obvious, I'm not a drummer. But you know what I mean - big metal chorus type sound )

Double or harmonise or octave-double the vocal from 0:50 to fill it out.

Octave double the "na na's"

Bring up the level of the piano sound in verse 2. You could go for a really "toy piano" sound - cool contrast with the "none more black" feel.

More guitar at 1:50 (not just louder - track another guit)

Double-track vocal from 1:50

Vocal sound in 3rd verse from 3:11 is cool. More of that please.

I like the "do do's" ("pipe vocals") at the end. How about also having them in the intro, and only bringing them back at the outro? Or you could even bring them back in behind the solo as well?

Anyway, great track. I can't wait to hear the finished version.

Cheers

AB

 

[Jamal Bucket]

Hey man. I totally dug the lyrics on this one. You've got some great lines in there.

That solo kicked some serious ass in my opinion.

I'd give it a bit more on the intro, some harmonics or a few notes on the guit ...something, it's a bit abrupt.

I agree about about rocking the fuck out of the second chorus, maybe some throat busting screaming. The line 'last hurrah' should be sung a bit stronger on the first run, it kind of fades.

That said, it's fine as it is also. Great tune Jamal, I like this new direction!

cool!...yeah songwriting is certainly my strongest suit....the actual playing and singing comes in a distant second..lol. fuck dude i dont think i can sing any louder or higher ....sonofa bitch i say singing...what i mean is screaming...i dont know how say dave grohl does that??...and it stil sounds like its in key??...if any one has a ny ideas that would be great!...thanks man...this is the "direction" i would rather be heading anyway...


jamal

 

[Jamal Bucket]

This is really good. Fantastic vocal performance.

I like the idea of not interrupting the vibe, but that means it needs more light and shade. Here's my ideas, which are probably wrong:

There's a weird high-ptched noise at several points - possibly a ground or interference problem with the guitar? It sounds like it's maybe happening when you take your hands off the strings. It's really noticeable at 0:03, 0:33 and 4:24.

Take the drums out completely at 0:27. Bring the kick back in at 0:38.

Harmony on the "it's a choice that I make" line, leading into the chorus.

Bigger drums at 0:50 - maybe on crash/splash or something? (As if it wasn't obvious, I'm not a drummer. But you know what I mean - big metal chorus type sound )

Double or harmonise or octave-double the vocal from 0:50 to fill it out.

Octave double the "na na's"

Bring up the level of the piano sound in verse 2. You could go for a really "toy piano" sound - cool contrast with the "none more black" feel.

More guitar at 1:50 (not just louder - track another guit)

Double-track vocal from 1:50

Vocal sound in 3rd verse from 3:11 is cool. More of that please.

I like the "do do's" ("pipe vocals") at the end. How about also having them in the intro, and only bringing them back at the outro? Or you could even bring them back in behind the solo as well?

Anyway, great track. I can't wait to hear the finished version.

Cheers

AB

alibish!!..
lol there is TONS OF stuff that SHOULDNT be in here like..my jacket swooshing .and me gulping air inbetween words...and just so you know...i printed this page so i can have these suggestions on hand when i record more...its weird..i hear what you sound like..that last song you posted..was so cool..anyway im just surprised that you would like this kinda sound at all....its COOL AS HELL that you do ....just a surprise...thats all...


thanks again..

jamal

 

[acidrock]

DUN-DUN-DUN...DUN-DUN-DUN....DUN-DUN-DUN....DUN-DUN-DUN..
Dun.....?

Whoa?Did the song stop ?

This is one of those rock your head back and forth while you got a buzz going air guitar dealies.

Cool!

 

[alibish]

...its weird..i hear what you sound like..that last song you posted..was so cool..anyway im just surprised that you would like this kinda sound at all....its COOL AS HELL that you do ....just a surprise...thats all...

I love stuff like this, it's just that I can't record it convincingly!

Looking forward to the next version...

Cheers

AB

 

[W.I.S.C.]

I really liked this song.Very emotional and I agree with jake 100%.Awsome FEELING!!Great work,killer solo!There's been too many coments about the mix/production/recording I hate to rehash.Just a great tune dude!!!!

 

[participant]

j.b.

...once again chek your PM's the fedex man cometh