Jokes!!

DarrenVocal

New member
A preacher was trying to raise money for his parish and he found out there was a great deal of money to be made in the horse racing business. However, at the horse auction, the prices of horses were too much and all he could afford was a donkey, which he bought.
Determined to make money for his parish, he entered his donkey in a race and to everyone's surprise it finished third. The next day, the
newspaper headline read: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS.
The following week the preacher again entered the race and this time won! The newspaper headline read: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS.
Annoyed by this kind of publicity, the preacher's Bishop suggested that the preacher not continue this activity. The headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS.
The Bishop then demanded that the preacher get rid of the donkey.The preacher gave the donkey to a Nun in the local convent. The headlines read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
When he recovered from the shock, the Bishop ordered the nun to sell the donkey. When it was discovered that the Nun sold the donkey to a farmer for $10.00 the headline read: NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS.
 

Track Rat

Dungeon Studio
What does a stripper like to do with her asshole?
Drop him off at band practice.

This encompasses most musicians.
 
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bouldersoundguy

Well-known member
How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb? One. She just holds the bulb and the world turns around her.

...guitar players... Five. One to change the light bulb and four to say, "I can do that."

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless.

How do you know an accordionist has perfect pitch? The accordion lands in the dumpster without hitting the sides.
 

elbandito

potential lunch winner
What do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth? A Gummy Bear!

Why didn't Ken and Barbie ever have any babies? Because Ken came in a different box! (get it? ;))
 

muddypaws

New member
lost my job at the Samaritans, guy phoned up last week saying he had had enough and suicide was the only option, he said he was lying on a railway track waiting for the next train, apparently my reply "keep calm and stay on the line" was the wrong response
 

CrowsofFritz

Flamingo!
This one is hilarious and involves two people.


Person 1: I know the greatest knock knock joke! Want to hear it?

Person 2: Sure.

Person 1: You start.

Person 2: Knock. Knock.

Person 1: Who's there?

Person 2: ...................
 
lost my job at the Samaritans, guy phoned up last week saying he had had enough and suicide was the only option, he said he was lying on a railway track waiting for the next train, apparently my reply "keep calm and stay on the line" was the wrong response

I worked for them for a while.
Had three suicides on the first day.



I wouldn't mind but one was a wrong number.............
 

moresound

Loud Sun Studios
A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."
 
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