Now we're getting there... that is what they teach at schools...
At the risk of sounding very harsh now, believe me, it is not my intention.
But every single time I had an intern from SAE or another school, I had to re-train the guy. They (the schools) give you some theory, granted. They give you a base to *start* But are you a recording or mixing engineer when you graduate? No way. This takes time and REAL experience in the control room.
I had a guy some years ago, nice chap, very friendly and eager and full of the very best intentions. He was one of the best in his class. So I thought - ok, he'll be able to at least prepare the board (an SSL 4000G) for the mix, like setting up the computer and stuff, preparing the PT session, setting I/O, patching some gear - basic stuff, you know... short story... I had to do it all over. Now you could argue that the studio (and I) had some particular way of doing things and he didn't know that. To a certain extend that is true. But what I asked was pretty basic stuff.
And he was not the only one. And I have seen it in several studios I worked in. Also, some guys (again, not their fault, but the 'teacher's' who pump silly stuff in their head are the fault here) think they are the real deal when graduating. The attitude is sometimes... well I don't wanna go there. I really think the schools are a waste of money and time. Take that money, get an internship at a real studio and use the saved money to live on for the 2 years you are in the studio. You will see how it is really done, plus the networking is invaluable.
So back on topic and off my soap box
They teach you this 85 dB stuff, but in real practice... go with what you feel comfy with. I feel comfy and make good mixes by mixing very soft most of the time, and only sometimes go loud and reference aganst the main speakers for a bass check or if the A&R needs to be impressed
I also take my own nearfields to the studio (in my case a pair of Dynaudio BM15a). I know them inside out at every volume. And here is the key: get to know your monitors and know what comes out of them and how this will translate. Again, not theory, but experience and a lot of practice.
Also, to close, I never use commercial material as reference before mixing. Why? it is not realistic to compare material that has been mastered and squashed to the yazzooo. Levels are not realistic for mixes.
OK, I'm off now
Cheers
Arthur