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Phrasemaker

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Hi, I've been reading and commenting here a for a short while and have to say I'm finding the site very useful and found the members whose posts I've commented on, friendly and enthusiastic about music and recording which is a great help for a complete recording newbie.

I have only had my studio put together for a few weeks, so much of my time has been spent finding out the best way to hook it all up and then how to make it work. I'm now at the point where I have played around with a number of takes and mixed them down to get a feel for the recording equipment, so now I've decided to have a go at recording a complete song.

I have a reasonable understanding of music, but I've never had time and access to studio gear so although I've written a fair amount of material, it's only now I'm at that certain time of life I find myself rewarded by actually having equipment that will enable my aspirations in respect of music to go beyond what I've penned over the years. I'm working on the song I've posted below as I didn't want to attempt anything overly complex just yet. It's relatively simple but is certainly inspired by personal life experiences. Thanks for reading my rambling ;-)

Tim.

The Things


V 1

I saw you standing over there

behind the colour of your eyes.

Although I stood, tried not stare

you seemed to ponder my surprise.


Chorus

I think these moments count

for all the time I ventured

turning my life inside out.


The things that matter now

I hope they all fall into place

but I don’t care which way round……

Do You?


V2


I look back on another day,

a distance not set out in miles.

You never knew quite what to say,

I only stood here for a while.


Chorus, turn around/instrumental


V3

Sometimes I occupy your gaze,

you often wander through my mind.

Although I stand in my own space

I always walk to where you are.



Chorus



The things that matter now

I guess they all fell into place

and I don’t care which way round.


I think these moments count

for all the time I ventured

Turning my life inside out.
 
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Phrasemaker said:
Although I stand in my own space I always walk to where you are.
Click to expand...

I like this line. it's visual. . . unfortunate that it's the only visual line, but these kind of songs tend to be that way, I suppose. . .

The lyrics overall are very personal and don't grab the reader's attention in any particular way, but if the music is good and the melody is strong, the lyrics can be kind of dream-like, like these. . .

Overall, not bad. . what's the music like?. .
 
It reads like a very personal accout of a journey/expeience which can be a good thing if it connects with folk.
the 1st line had me Beatling a bit though.
The words really aren't simple are they? there's abit of a puzzle to be solved about the relationship - Did it start? Is it ongoing? was it successful etc etc.
Lines like :
"...distance not set out in miles.
You never knew quite what to say,"
Are ambiguous as well. Never, to my mind means "at no time, past, present or future" but in many peoples lexicon simple means "didn't" so my reading: that over a period of time and personal/emotional separateness the object was not at anytime able to communicate with the narrator effectively.
keep at it - delivery & sincereity will mean everything to this set.
 
Phrasemaker said:
behind the colour of your eyes.
Click to expand...

rayc said:
the 1st line had me Beatling a bit though.
Click to expand...
I thought the line after was the more Beatley, kind of akin to "wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door".
I'm awful with lyric threads though. I've said this many times before, without the music there, I can't get into them. I've come to realize that my head processes things in a rather strange way. I love books. I'll highlight and pick out and use phrases that I've come across in books. But poetry means virtually nothing to me. Lyrics I really dig, but not in isolation from the song that they're part of. Or perhaps more to the point, once I've heard how a lyric meshes with the music and melody, then it takes on a life of it's own in my head and I can get into it. But it's always part of a family that it never leaves. Just pops out now and again !

Sorry Phrasemaker !
 
AtoDeficient, thanks for taking time to read and reply. I will add your thoughts to what others have offered and take it all into consideration as I move forwards with the song. I don't consider myself as a vocalist but have recorded a bare bones track to give an idea of how the song sounds.

Thank you


Ray C, your thoughts are much appreciated. No it's not quite as simple as it looks and yes there is a fair bit of ambiguity but it is gently nudged by a few subtle elbows here and there. I like to have a few things in the lines which if looked at from the right angle, provide interest for those who are interested, if anyone is interested (he says with a wry grin). I have a very basic track of this song which is very open at the moment to allow me to think about adding a few ornaments here and there, plus I didn't want to try and be too clever with my first attempt at a whole track?song. + I don't rate my singing skills, but I'm prepared to work at it or get a vocalist on board because I do have an abundance of creativity which is inspired. I'll see if I can embed the track on this thread.

once again, I sincerely appreciate your time in looking at my lyrics.


No worries Grimtraveller, I appreciate you taking a look anyways. I also find it lot easier to get a feel for lyrics when they are in the context of a tangible track. In theory I should have the track up here in a few minutes.




Many thanks

Tim
 
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MMM sorry for the multiple non posts couldn't find a way to delete a double post lol'
 
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The song's bed is fine, the melody works & makes the lyrics flow.
I'm sure you'll develop the arrangement - there is a need to relieve the ostinato fairly early in and some of the bends in the solo need a re think but it's early days yet.
This sounds like it'll be a good one mate. Keep at it.
 
Good for you to start recording - it is a blessing and a nightmare once you start lol - I'm proof of that.
Good song - it has a few "mysterious" lines that make me wonder how they should be interpreted - a good trait to make your listeners think and try to relate. Cheers!
 
Nice lyrics, Tim. :) What genre is the song? It seems to have a country-western bend to it. How far along with the music are you? I look forward to hearing more.

Cheers,
Joseph
 
Thank you rayC I appreciate your input. Yes, I agree that the arrangement and guitar solo are need working on. I was a little over enthusiastic with bends, so will try a more measured approach as the rest of the music comes together. This initial version of the song is literally where I’ve played the piano arpeggios to a basic beat to find a progression that works with the melody and has a tonality which suits the mood of the content of the lyrics. I like the piano part but I do need to experiment with drums and find some other sounds that I can tuck in here and there to make the track a little more dynamic to bolster my vocals without burying them in a layer of sound. I’m sure there will be a few frustrating hours and eventually some reward to be had. Thank you.


Ido1957, thank you for replying. Yes I am realising the blessing and nightmare aspects of recoding. I’m fairly critical of my own material and individual performances and tend to find myself overworking small details when perhaps I ought let it rest for a day or two while I tinker with something else. I have a feeling I’ll be investing a lot of hours now I have the recording equipment up and running, it’s been a goal for number of years, I am enjoying the frustration now I can actually record my ideas and hear where some ideas don’t come across as I’d imagined.

Joseph, Thank you, it’s really encouraging to read positive thoughts in respect of my lyrics. I guess I was reasonably self conscious posting my first set, although to be fair I have no issue with constructive criticism, as there is always something to learn. To be honest I have not given much thought to genre, I agree it does have in its current form a sort of country and western feel in part. I wrote the lyrics and experimented with a few progressions and chord inversions to find the music for the song and that’s literally where I’m at, so lots to develop and perhaps a few differing approaches to try out in a effort to find something which works really well. I’m happy with the key I have it in, as I have a bit of work to do with my singing and this being my fist attempt at recording a song, I need to have it fit comfortably around my easiest vocal range. I also don’t want to overwork the song and it might be a case that I get an arrangement that I’m happy with and then let it rest a while as I work on another track. I am learning the whole time and something that sounded good a few days ago is often found wanting when I listen to what more experienced people have recorded, but I’m confident that time end effort will prevail.

I'll put another version up when I feel I've made some progress.

Many thanks

Tim
 
Having taken account of the feedback I received when I posted the initial draft of this track, I've re worked it and added to the arrangement and played around with a few other tweaks. The guitar solo is completely new and I think I have reined in the errant bends just enough to give a decent accord with everything else that's going on, without losing the parts which go off on a useful tangent. Initially I did wonder if the lyrics had too much breathing space within my draft musical accompaniment, but now I've multi-layered the piano and hung some other sound onto it I think it works with the original tempo without the transitions becoming too ponderous. I found the replies here extremely useful, also the positive nature really spurred me on, to take plenty of time and try and polish this up. I am for sure a total novice in respect of home recording but loving it, this track has been a massive learning curve.

all the very best

Tim

http://soundcloud.com/phrasemaker/the-things
 
Check out the work Gekko Zed has posted here & there in the forum. You have some similarities in phrasing and voice.
The newer arrangement work really well.
The synth samples are pleasing because they aren't cheap almosts but simple effect synth sounds.
The piano arps could still use some variation - even going up or down an octave.
The guitar solo - are you bending to or from the note? Well, I think it may be my ears or perceptions as no one else has commented. It is a little loud for the track.
Post this in the MP3 mixing Clinic for some excellent assistance in mixing.
Excellent developments!
 
Thanks rayC, your thoughts are much appreciated. I have played around with a few variations in respect of the piano arpeggios, I totally get what you are saying about the repetition. The variations I tried were not really working, I did try moving them up and down and the closest I got to anything that I liked was a run across a few octaves with emphasis on the root and third as I passed through. I have all hell breaking loose with my work for a few days which will give me a little time to step back from this song and listen with fresh ears. The guitar solo, some notes I bend to, others I play slightly bent to make the voicing expressive in an attempt to get my own feelings in respect of the subject across, there is also a couple of slides which are fairly subtle. The guitar level has been a bit of a bug, I set the level and mix thorough my monitors and it is very prominent, I then play the track on various hi-fi set ups, headphones, car stereo and it drops back, so I figured that most people who will be hearing the track will not be using a totally flat set up like my own monitoring, as boom and tizz seems to be the way a lot of stereos get set up, judging by what I hear when visiting friends.

I'll certainly listen to Gekko Zed, and get the track posted in MP3 mixing clinic when I get back from my work trip in a few days time. No aspect of the track is set in stone, which is why additional ears and feedback are of great value. I'm learning several things every day I use the studio, and I'll hopefully progress beyond this fist track much wiser.

Regards

Tim
 
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