A Little Peace of Mind (lyric)

[Freddy]

I'm sorry, I have been asking for input a lot lately. It just seems to be on a roll - I do expect to slow down (at least I hope so, as I have a lot to finish off!).

This is something I was playing with this evening. I have some music I'm toying with, but nothing that I'm ready to play yet, even in rough. This is in the very early stages.

Any early feedback on the lyrics appreciated...

A little peace of mind

You don’t need another television
You don’t need a brand new car
You don’t need the latest innovation
Just to tell you who you are
You don’t need all those designer labels
You don’t need a fancy phone
You don’t need to sit at the best table
You don’t need to feel alone
You can ride on the carousel of fortune
You can chase your lifelong goal
You can feed at the trough of your ambition
But don’t forget to feed our soul.

Now, you may think that this sounds kind of funny, but one day maybe you will find
That if you spend your whole life chasing money you won’t find any peace of mind.
It doesn’t have a lot to do with money, if you want some peace of mind.

It’s no comfort to have the upper hand
When we all need a hand to hold
A warm bed, a place to lay our head and
A place to shelter from the cold.
If it’s a cold world, and it seems it’s getting colder
Maybe that’s the world we make
If it’s all in the eye of the beholder
Do you see it all as give, take, take?
We all need some love and understanding
And I’ve found that the more I give
The less it matters how I make a living
And the more it matters how I live.

Now, you may think that this sounds kind of funny, but one day maybe you will find
You don’t need to have a lot of money to buy a little peace of mind.
It doesn’t take an awful lot of money to buy a little peace of mind.​

 

[tweedledee]

that was such fun to read! can't wait to hear it.

 

[ido1957]

I'm sorry, I have been asking for input a lot lately. It just seems to be on a roll - I do expect to slow down (at least I hope so, as I have a lot to finish off!).

Strike while the iron is hot ! Keep 'em coming Freddy !

You don’t need another television
You don’t need a brand new car
You don’t need the latest innovation
Just to tell you who you are

Nice one right out of the gate - well written. Philosophical but not too much so...

You don’t need all those designer labels
You don’t need a fancy phone
You don’t need to sit at the best table
You don’t need to feel alone

Here I would follow the same pattern and change the fourth line so it doesn't include the phrase "You don't need".
The fourth line is not jibing (sp?), it seems out of place. I'm thinking materialistic still but I'm getting lonliness as the outcome...Maybe it just need a different intro on the sentence...

You can ride on the carousel of fortune
You can chase your lifelong goal
You can feed at the trough of your ambition
But don’t forget to feed our soul.

Don't care for the words "feed at the trough". They just makes me thing of pigs, not humans and it just strikes me wrong somehow...
...But don’t forget to feed your soul....maybe?

Now, you may think that this sounds kind of funny, but one day maybe you will find
That if you spend your whole life chasing money you won’t find any peace of mind.
It doesn’t have a lot to do with money, if you want some peace of mind.

Bit of a repeat with the "money" and "peace of mind". Both great lines - not sure which one I would change...

It’s no comfort to have the upper hand
When we all need a hand to hold
A warm bed, a place to lay our head and
A place to shelter from the cold.
If it’s a cold world, and it seems it’s getting colder
Maybe that’s the world we make
If it’s all in the eye of the beholder
Do you see it all as give, take, take?

....Do you see it all as give, take, take?
- maybe "take" take" "take"??

We all need some love and understanding
And I’ve found that the more I give
The less it matters how I make a living
And the more it matters how I live.

...cool -good moral statement.....

Good job - just a few edits to consider (or not )

 

[Freddy]

that was such fun to read! can't wait to hear it.

Why, thank you ma'am

Strike while the iron is hot ! Keep 'em coming Freddy !

Well, OK

Thanks for your input, Ido, it's very helpful (as always).

Regarding the line "You don't need to feel alone" - hmm, good point. Maybe "Even when you eat alone".

Don't care for the words "feed at the trough". They just makes me thing of pigs, not humans and it just strikes me wrong somehow...

Well, I used "feed at the trough" to imply greed, but on reading it this morning it seems maybe judgmental and out of place. Off the top of my head, maybe something like "You can feed your desire and ambition" may work better.

..But don’t forget to feed your soul....maybe?

Ooops.. typo! yes, it should be "your". That will teach me not to post at 3am

Bit of a repeat with the "money" and "peace of mind". Both great lines - not sure which one I would change...

Yes, it was originally a repeat of the same line (kind of an echo) .. I may need to choose one over the other.

....Do you see it all as give, take, take?
- maybe "take" take" "take"??

Nice suggestion, thanks

It's very bare bones at the moment. We will see where it goes. I keep changing between "You don't need" and "I don't need" in the first verse, for example. Heh, maybe that will create a new verse

Thanks again

 

[Freddy]

Umm.. it morphed.

That happens sometimes

Tired Now

I don’t need another television
I don’t need a brand new car
I don’t need the latest innovation
I don’t need this fat cigar
I don’t need to have another drink
But I’m having one anyway
Never really cared what people think
And I don’t care what you say

I’ve hired and fired, and I’ve bought and sold
I’ve been inspired and I’ve knocked them cold,
In demand, command and in control
But I’m tired now, and I’m feeling old
Yeah, I’m cold and tired and I’m feeling old

It’s a free country, but you better have the cash
Nothing much comes for free
You can judge a man by the size of his stash
Or that’s how it seems to me
It’s kind of sad, but it’s also kind of funny,
But if I was so inclined
I couldn’t use a penny of this money to buy a little peace of mind
Hell, I wouldn’t use a penny of this money to buy a little peace of mind

I’ve been hired, fired, I’ve been bought and sold
I’ve been rewired, had my mind controlled
I’ve been locked up, locked down and paroled
But I’m tired now, and I’m feeling old
Yeah, I’m cold and tired and I’m feeling old

It’s a cold world, and it seems it’s getting colder
And maybe that’s the price I paid
You may say it’s in the eye of the beholder
And maybe that’s the world I made
I don’t want your love and understanding
And no-one asked you to forgive
Why should you care how I make a living, it only matters how I live
It never mattered much how I made a living, it only matters how I live.

I’ve hired and fired, and I’ve bought and sold
I’ve been inspired and I’ve knocked them cold,
In demand, command and in control
But I’m tired now, and I’m feeling old
Yeah, I’m cold and tired and I’m feeling old

I’ve been hired, fired, I’ve been bought and sold
I’ve been rewired, had my mind controlled
I’ve been locked up, locked down and paroled
And I’m tired now, and I’m feeling old
Yeah, I’m cold and tired and I’m feeling old​

 

[small]

morphed version

Freddy,
Personally I liked the first version better. It seemed to have more focus. The revision obscures the message of the first version that I liked so much. It also seems a little over-thought (one of my own Achilles Heels btw). I'm particularly not crazy about the whole "I'm feeling old" stanza. Kinda gives me that whole "cry me a river, buddy" sort of feeling. And personally I miss the line about "feeding at the trough". I don't think you need to apologize about comparing greedy people with pigs. Works for me really well actually.

This being said, I think parts of the revision are a marked improvement. I like the change from "you don't need" to "I don't need" in the first verse. Changes it from prescriptive to confessional. More relatable that way I think. I also really dig the "free country" stanza. It retains the focus of the original version & adds some depth. But yeah, overall I thought you had it pretty nailed the first time around.

Naturally this post comes with the caveat of salt pinching & feeling free to considder me a complete moron.

-small