Jokes!!

The first mastectomy was performed during the civil war. A young lady nurse named Clara Pond was loved by all the troops and was generally a positive, and competent nurse.
One day a stray round caught her in the left breast. It became infected and the doctors had to remove it. They cut and sewed and in the end she survived.
Now the troops thought it was awful that Clara would be lopsided the rest of her life, so they found a piece of oak and carved out, whittled, shaved and sanded until they had a beautiful strap on prosthesis for her to wear.
Okay, so this story isn't really history, but it would be great if it was, wouldn't it . . . (wooden tit)?
 
moresound said:
A neutron walked into a bar and asked how much a pint would cost. The bartender replied: For you, no charge!


A Higgs Boson walks into a Catholic church
The priest says: We don't want your type around here
The Higgs particle then says: But without me you can't have mass!

Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar.... and doesn't!
Click to expand...
A photon checks into a hotel and the clerk says “ so you need help with your baggage?”
Photon says, “No. I’m traveling light.”
 
You know what's messed up? Being named Eileen and having one leg shorter than the other...

You know what's really messed up? Being named Zebedee and having a stutter...
(Zebedee, Zebedee, Zebedee, that's ALL folks!)

You know what's really, really messed up? Being named Eve and hanging on the edge of the roof...

But the worst is to be named Claude and be stuck in the cage with a tiger...
 
A glass half full.......or half empty.

Two friends were scheduled to meet. The one is walking towards his buddy. As he gets close, his friend says “dude, you lost a shoe”

His friend just smiles and says “nah, I found one”
 
I didn't think it was funny, but I wasn't thinking of me.
In any event, most of the jokes in this thread I don't find funny. Just like most joke books. But there are some good ones.
 
grimtraveller said:
Perhaps it's just as well.
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I apologize for that. One doesn't or should not be considered overly sensitive or easily offended to recognize a racist "joke" when they see one, and that's putting aside the deaths of young men forced into a war in which they would lose their lives, mothers learning of the deaths of sons.

Oddly, I find myself lately most relating to my real world experiences with others asking, "why anyone would feel that okay or appropriate is beyond my understanding". Added another to the list. I try, I really do....but people, the human race, so disappointing at times.

Yeah, I like the "people of color" bit. Why is it that I suspect in the presence of the "I guess no one has heard that joke" crowd the wording might be a bit more, what's the word I'm looking for, off color?
 
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Remember this one, as a kid? Anyone ever heard this one?

Hey, wanna hear a dirty joke? White horse jumped in a mud puddle.

Can't imagine where that one came from or why it was supposed to be funny. Maybe you ask your parents or other adults, they're shocked, and before they can stop you the punchline is blurted out. I guess that's the funny part.
 
dogooder said:
I have told that to quite a few people of color and they found it very amusing? If you can't make fun of yourself I don't know what to say to you.
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You have me on ignore, or so you've said, for lack of "bedside manner". However, the question begs to be asked, so I'll ask it...

Why would you consider a racist joke based on a stereotype an opportunity for Grim to make fun of himself?

I don't know what to say to you, indeed. Check yourself, you should apologize instead of making excuses and placing the blame on someone else for not finding amusement in racist humor. Forgive my lack of bedside manner for saying so, you and I both know if you were in a minority setting you wouldn't say that shit, you'd get your grinning mug teeth knocked down your throat. Wouldn't that be just hilarious...I mean, we can make fun of ourselves, yeah?
 
Hey y'all, did you hear the one about all the coloreds that died in the Vietnam war? All the percussive explosions, they just had to boogie. Negroes, amirite?

*spit*
 
^^ Pretty spot on for drunk posting, eh?

Anybody else want to chime in, comment? Or are you that which you pretend to despise? Racism is not cool, or funny. To "other" people is not cool, at all. It was blatant, no mistake or slip of the tongue, a "joke" told over a series of posts, plenty of time to consider whether it was appropriate, racist, insensitive to men who died in combat serving this country, in many cases against their will and desires. He told the "joke" anyway, then pulled what amounts to a "some of my best friends are black" to excuse it. Then told a black man, one of our friends here in HR dot com it was his problem for a lack of sense of humor if he didn't find it amusing.

Nobody has a problem with that but me? Okay, alright then. Carry on. The silence, I'm starting to feel a bit "othered" myself. I'm okay with that. I kind of miss EZ Willie. Although he and I didn't always see eye to eye on things, I suspect he'd be right there with me on this one and wouldn't let that racist shit fly.
 
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