New Song (Songwriting Feedback?)

[Nola]

Thanks!

 

[Eric Malone]

I like the song, it has a cool vibe to it, very retro, minimalistic. Reminds a bit of Lou Reed.

The instrument on the left side, whatever it is, sounds like it isn't in tune? Something about it sounds off to me, but it may be me.

You wanted comments more about the arrangement, and melody.

- The melody suits the song. After listening to it a few times, I can't think of anything better. There are a few pitch issues here and there, that need to
be fixed. I like the vocal delivery, but pitchy spots must be addressed. It isn't like the odd off time note on an instrument that you can let slide.
- When you briefly touched on Bm, you could of went to E major, and then back to A, just to change it up a bit. Or not, just something I might do.
- The female background vocals are nice, maybe bring them up a bit, make them a bit more a part of the mix, and the song itself.
- The bass guitar could lend itself to some more melody. It's a bit bland as is.

You have a good song here!

Emeric

 

[Nola]

I like the song, it has a cool vibe to it, very retro, minimalistic. Reminds a bit of Lou Reed.

The instrument on the left side, whatever it is, sounds like it isn't in tune? Something about it sounds off to me, but it may be me.

You wanted comments more about the arrangement, and melody.

- The melody suits the song. After listening to it a few times, I can't think of anything better. There are a few pitch issues here and there, that need to
be fixed. I like the vocal delivery, but pitchy spots must be addressed. It isn't like the odd off time note on an instrument that you can let slide.
- When you briefly touched on Bm, you could of went to E major, and then back to A, just to change it up a bit. Or not, just something I might do.
- The female background vocals are nice, maybe bring them up a bit, make them a bit more a part of the mix, and the song itself.
- The bass guitar could lend itself to some more melody. It's a bit bland as is.

You have a good song here!

Emeric

Great feedback, thank you. Yeah the bass and stuff was just to get something down on a demo. I can work on it. Thanks!

 

[famous beagle]

Yes, major VU vibes on this one for sure! Nice vibe and soundscape. I agree it does sound as though there are a few little tuning issues with the instruments. This almost kind of enhances the VU vibe, but it might be just a tad bit too distracting, IMO.

I agree a lot with Eric's comments, actually.

I'd like to hear a stronger harmony vocal on the choruses. It kind of comes in and out, and it's nice when it does, but I think it would be nice to have a firmly-established harmony part for the chorus.

The bass, yes ... I think it would be nice to have it do maybe a little arpeggio hook on the IV chord every other time or something to add a little ear candy.

Cool vibe and song overall! Thanks for sharing.

 

[Nola]

Yes, major VU vibes on this one for sure! Nice vibe and soundscape. I agree it does sound as though there are a few little tuning issues with the instruments. This almost kind of enhances the VU vibe, but it might be just a tad bit too distracting, IMO.

I agree a lot with Eric's comments, actually.

I'd like to hear a stronger harmony vocal on the choruses. It kind of comes in and out, and it's nice when it does, but I think it would be nice to have a firmly-established harmony part for the chorus.

The bass, yes ... I think it would be nice to have it do maybe a little arpeggio hook on the IV chord every other time or something to add a little ear candy.

Cool vibe and song overall! Thanks for sharing.

Awesome, thanks, Beagle. When you say stronger harmony do you mean the volume at the chorus or an entirely different melody line? I think the tuning thing is probably the guitar. I put new strings on it the day before b/c we were supposed to have a gig (got rained out), and I probably forgot to tune them before playing. Lol. The organ is definitely in tune b/c it is just a midi organ, so it has to be those strings. Oops. I'll fix that on the final product of course.

 

[famous beagle]

Awesome, thanks, Beagle. When you say stronger harmony do you mean the volume at the chorus or an entirely different melody line? I think the tuning thing is probably the guitar. I put new strings on it the day before b/c we were supposed to have a gig (got rained out), and I probably forgot to tune them before playing. Lol. The organ is definitely in tune b/c it is just a midi organ, so it has to be those strings. Oops. I'll fix that on the final product of course.

I just meant like a clear, intentional harmony part that's featured. As it is now, the female vocal just kind of sounds inconsistent in volume, and sometimes I can't really tell what it's doing exactly. I think that's a cool sound on its own, and I think it would be nice to have that in some of the verses maybe. But I personally would like to hear a clearly defined harmony part in the chorus (by the second one if not the first) that's featured along with the lead.

Just my .02.

 

[TripleM]

I think it was a good song.

I like the overall lo-fi(ish) vibe.

Lot's of reverb. maybe a bit too much on the vocal.

Many of the pitch issues are kind of charming. But there are some of them that definitely should be addressed.

EDIT: I thought the bass was a bit too far back in the mix. You might even want to take it out. But if you kept it, I'd nudge it up a couple of dbs.

 

[Nola]

I think it was a good song.

I like the overall lo-fi(ish) vibe.

Lot's of reverb. maybe a bit too much on the vocal.

Many of the pitch issues are kind of charming. But there are some of them that definitely should be addressed.

EDIT: I thought the bass was a bit too far back in the mix. You might even want to take it out. But if you kept it, I'd nudge it up a couple of dbs.

Thanks for the constructive feedback, 3m.