New song idea. Get your Fun

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packrobottom

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just have a verse and chorus felt like sharing early not sure if the slide eastern flavor slide guitar part works on chorus.
or the song general.

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Get your fun.wav

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Original Melody and mix
 
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Love this. There's a bit of My Sweet Lord in there, a bit of Seasons in the Sun, and a bit of Afternoon Delight. Early seventies. Sounds like a proper song. Keep at it and finish it.
 
That's an appealing start. Generally close on everything - but tipped into midrange bloom land where the wince needle is detecting some overly compressed tracking. Stereo field is well balanced and there's interesting movement to the work - but I'd try to back off wherever the compression is peaking the mids so that everything sounds a bit clearer and more "natural" in its setting.

There's always a trade off between compressing to get things to glue together and when the mid-range honk and the parts "shouting loudly" at you begin to indicate lines have been crossed.
 
packrobottom said:
just have a verse and chorus felt like sharing early not sure if the slide eastern flavor slide guitar part works on chorus.
or the song general.
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Cool start - I know what you mean about the slide part - it isn’t quite locking in - but at the same time I can’t hear what would lock in -
I have to think about it for a while - BTW When you hit the Bridge Chorus part you aren’t singing with the same confidence that you
did in the first part of the song.
 
Have you replaced it into the original post? I like this too. You should leave both versions up, for comparison and so we can see the progress.

The instrumental from 1:50 on is too sparse. It needs more to be going on there to keep it interesting. Could be as little as one instrument more, doing a new melody. I like the build up when the chorus kicks back in at 2:22.
 
Thekesslerboy said:
Have you replaced it into the original post? I like this too. You should leave both versions up, for comparison and so we can see the progress.

The instrumental from 1:50 on is too sparse. It needs more to be going on there to keep it interesting. Could be as little as one instrument more, doing a new melody. I like the build up when the chorus kicks back in at 2:22.
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that break down will have vocals.

good idea I added the original mix/melody at top of post
 
Right, that new chorus is excellent. While the original wasn't bad, this one is leaps and bounds better. Shows what a difference it can make, and how limitless are the melody possibilities over the same chord structure. Good one. The verse after that first chorus now has lyrics and comes in really strongly. Look forward to seeing what happens with this. I would start the song at 11 seconds in, with the clean guitar lines you have. The oriental stuff at the beginning sounds distant and unfinished, and isn't as memorable as the part just after that. I then think it's a great foundation for the song, which I would extend by about a minute at the end, to get it to a satisfying 3.5 minutes or so. That will be an easy matter, with a few chorus repeats or whatever you choose. That's just where I would go, but of course it's your song and a good one so keep us updated.
 
Commenting on current mp3. For me the first 10 sec are canoodling, they don't seem to go anywhere. Then at 0:11 a gorgeous song that I really like begins :)

Like an early Jackson Browne or later Petty outtake, all in good ways.

The opening 10 secs if it were mine I would start with the ascending keyboard I think I hear coming at the end, crescendo, try and make a lick that slips engagingly into the guitar lick at 0:11. There's too much happening in that first 10 seconds, my ears aren't sure what they're supposed to follow. You don't need them, you could start with the main lick. I love the classic arrangement of this tune. My 2 cents I don't think it needs to be longer, these days short songs are all the rage.

Such good work packrobottom. Looking forward to the bridge vocals.
 
Deylight said:
Commenting on current mp3. For me the first 10 sec are canoodling, they don't seem to go anywhere. Then at 0:11 a gorgeous song that I really like begins :)

Like an early Jackson Browne or later Petty outtake, all in good ways.

The opening 10 secs if it were mine I would start with the ascending keyboard I think I hear coming at the end, crescendo, try and make a lick that slips engagingly into the guitar lick at 0:11. There's too much happening in that first 10 seconds, my ears aren't sure what they're supposed to follow. You don't need them, you could start with the main lick. I love the classic arrangement of this tune. My 2 cents I don't think it needs to be longer, these days short songs are all the rage.

Such good work packrobottom. Looking forward to the bridge vocals.
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I removed the intro eastern part and added some vocals during the sparse breakdown. Let me know what you think. that's a good idea the piano lick at end of each chorus start with that into the guitar part!
 
Coming along nicely. I'd start the vocals at :06 now IMO.

The vocals on the bridge are weird. Super low so not in your range? The lyrics are confusing: "Cold ice .... I can feel it" ok but "Cold ice ... I can hear it?" This is the part lyrically where the singer has died and now cannot get any more fun? Just a corpse on ice? Maybe there's a witty something ... Cold ice...can't feel it... dark wind...can't even hear it... no fun... didn't think twice ... should have thought three times letting you go wasn't even my worst crime ... forever sure is a long time not to get your fun... Well none of this is Leonard Cohen but I think revisiting the bridge lyrics could yield something :)

Kickass song.
 
Deylight said:
Coming along nicely. I'd start the vocals at :06 now IMO.

The vocals on the bridge are weird. Super low so not in your range? The lyrics are confusing: "Cold ice .... I can feel it" ok but "Cold ice ... I can hear it?" This is the part lyrically where the singer has died and now cannot get any more fun? Just a corpse on ice? Maybe there's a witty something ... Cold ice...can't feel it... dark wind...can't even hear it... no fun... didn't think twice ... should have thought three times letting you go wasn't even my worst crime ... forever sure is a long time not to get your fun... Well none of this is Leonard Cohen but I think revisiting the bridge lyrics could yield something :)

Kickass song.
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That bridge vocal part is a little abstract ill sit with it for a bit and see if I can live with it. I need to redo chorus differently. As right now its to abrupt
 
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Just came back to listen to it again. Heard Eagles this time. This is like driving down the PCH south from Malibu in 1978.
 
I like the song. I don't like the snare during the verses. Maybe cross-stick would sit in the mix a little better. The snare sounds too aggressive for the song, and doesn't really add to the overall impact.

Snare sounds good in the choruses.
 
Starts with acoustic instruments, so I expected the vocal to be more upfront and intimate. The vocal harmonies are very nice, but they are a bit buried. I was hoping for more of a Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young vige where the combination is the melody and it sounds like they are in the room singing right in front of you. I would keep the instrumentation simple, straight-forward and intimate as the instruments sound great.
 
BorderlineProductions said:
Starts with acoustic instruments, so I expected the vocal to be more upfront and intimate. The vocal harmonies are very nice, but they are a bit buried. I was hoping for more of a Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young vige where the combination is the melody and it sounds like they are in the room singing right in front of you. I would keep the instrumentation simple, straight-forward and intimate as the instruments sound great.
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vocals don't seem buried to me what are you listening on? seem buried to anyone else?
 
packrobottom said:
vocals don't seem buried to me what are you listening on? seem buried to anyone else?
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I think the mid-range instruments are almost matching the vocals frequencies.I think the vocal levels are perfect, maybe run those instruments through a 2-3K EQ just a slight drop would not hurt the mix. Around 1:47 vocal is pretty low. I think it is a fine song.
 
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