I'm listening
First listening :
Techno
Oh, boy, I'm smiling at the organ, I don't know why.
Just start right up with the organ, get rid of the little toys at the beginning.
Take the instruments DOWN, don't raise the vocal level. Take the organ down about 3db at least when the vocal comes in.
I can barely understand some of the words. The vocal needs to ride on top of the mix, and it deserves to.
I love the carousel sounding organ.
Too much bass bandwidth for this style.
Good Harmony vocals are GOLDEN, don't bury them with the instrument levels, consult your METERS.
Meters are your friends, ears are just ears.
Nice melodic material.
Take a bigger preparatory breath before you begin your phrase, not huge, just get a little more air into your body, release your shoulders, make little tiny shoulder movement to release tension.
I like what sounds like off the string cello on the 8th note as a rythmic device, I love that technique and that is well mixed.
Effective legato cello intrance.
Beatle like cello walkup.
NICE FINISH, NICE.
Second listening :
Get rid of this stuff in the beginning, just let the organ start the tune.
Bring the instruments down when the harmony vocal comes out.
Drum is a little loud, IMHO i want to hear that really neat carosel keyboard.
I'm liking your use of cello, nice samples, or great playing if it's real.
Keep a glass of room temp water when recording vocals, and take a tiny sip of that, breath in and out measured slow full gentle breaths to wet your passages and GENTLY clear your throat. Resist the temptation to swallow the water, let your tissues absorb that water.
You have a very nice voice under those burrs and flim, treat it better ?
Gargle VERY VERY gently before each take. And clear your throat GENTLY. Clearing your throat harshly tenses the vocal chords up, it shocks them.
I could listen a third time, and I will while I do other stuff, it's a nice tune.
Run the vocal through the enhance, one degree in Soundforge.
Use the water technique.