I like everything except - the death metal bass drum it doesn't suit the melody or anything else in the song - silly really, the guitars - sound rather generic & the DM doommaster backing vocals.
The vocals are really good until the DM vocal - the melody is good. there are elements of HEART in this but better.
The bass lacks definition though I can hear something chugging along well enough.
Accept the fact that it's more rock than metal, excise the DM elements & replace them with ones that suit the vocals & melody then you'll have a REALLY GOOD ROCK song.
OR
Get rid of the singer, the melody & the rock sensibilities and wade about in the mire of 1,000,001 DM bands that interchange GTR PODS, digital disotortion plug ins & drumagog bass drum patterns.
OR
Go nudeathmetal lite & add a DM rap.