my first vox--song 2 of 2

[fearfeasog]

here's song numero dos. please enjoy the "autotune" effect! thought it went well with the theme...tell me if i'm WAAAAAY off here...

thx! mark

 

[fearfeasog]

bumpitty bump. pt 2 of 2!

 

[blacklist]

Hey Mark, sounds good but to me it sounds like trying to copy Tool 10,000 days. Just my 2 cents.

 

[joeym]

Pretty interesting tune. Some more chord variation would do it good, it tends to sound too long.
Voice is pretty good for this style. Drums are very low in the mix. Can't get too friendly with that synth (is it a synth or a lead guitar?) in the verse, it sounds too much like a Casio.

 

[fearfeasog]

Hey Mark, sounds good but to me it sounds like trying to copy Tool 10,000 days. Just my 2 cents.

hey thanks--i don't mind that association. everything reminds us of something else, i guess, right? i am definitely pretty influenced by Tool, so if that's coming out in my vox it's good to be aware of it so i don't push it too far.

thank you for listening!

 

[fearfeasog]

Pretty interesting tune. Some more chord variation would do it good, it tends to sound too long.
Voice is pretty good for this style. Drums are very low in the mix. Can't get too friendly with that synth (is it a synth or a lead guitar?) in the verse, it sounds too much like a Casio.

@joeym--yes indeed it is long and a bit homogeneous. i need to work on the vocal arrangement to help out with that--hopefully i'll nail that and post another version down the road!

drums--yeah i think a little creative mixing could fix that. maybe some HPF magic!

i was interested to learn that the part that sounds like a guitar that rides the song from where the drums come in right to the end is NOT a guitar but a synth patch triggered by a tom fill. it matches the piano sounding patch at the very beginning, as that sound, too, was triggered by the same tom fill. ca RAY zay, huh? is that the synth yo are referring to, or do you mean the organ line that repeats slowly throughout the song? or something else?

thanks a TON for your comments.

 

[Tobe]

Sorry fearfeasog, it is pretentious and distant.

 

[fearfeasog]

Sorry fearfeasog, it is pretentious and distant.

hi Tobe. i appreciate your comment, but can you be more specific? what makes you feel that way? is it the words? the melody? the effects on the vox? the rhythm of the track?


thanks!

 

[kcearl]

I take its your friend is doing the instrumentation on this again?

The good part is your vocals...they sound much better on this track, the effects suit them too...good job, the backings good as well


Im not keen on the instrumentation...the actual tune is fine, even the relentless monotony of the song is attractive to me but it sounds like presets on quite a basic synth or softsynths have been used...

theres no bite to the organ, a saturator and/or some overdrive would give it a bit more bite...the drums could do with a bit more EQ work and it all needs a little more layering/depth..

whenever i make a synth tune there are very few patches that play on their own...nearly every track has a layered track either slightly detuned or in a different octave...it gives them much more meat and presence in the mix..and investing in a decent filter(s) can really help sound manipulation...theres a moogfilter plug in thats only 19 euros and its excellent on softsynths

Some panned FX noises coming and going also helps this kind of track retain interest


but Im surprised its the same person singing...this is much better imho

 

[fearfeasog]

I take its your friend is doing the instrumentation on this again?

The good part is your vocals...they sound much better on this track, the effects suit them too...good job, the backings good as well


Im not keen on the instrumentation...the actual tune is fine, even the relentless monotony of the song is attractive to me but it sounds like presets on quite a basic synth or softsynths have been used...

theres no bite to the organ, a saturator and/or some overdrive would give it a bit more bite...the drums could do with a bit more EQ work and it all needs a little more layering/depth..

whenever i make a synth tune there are very few patches that play on their own...nearly every track has a layered track either slightly detuned or in a different octave...it gives them much more meat and presence in the mix..and investing in a decent filter(s) can really help sound manipulation...theres a moogfilter plug in thats only 19 euros and its excellent on softsynths

Some panned FX noises coming and going also helps this kind of track retain interest


but Im surprised its the same person singing...this is much better imho

thanks for the mixing tips. i think my friend is going to send me the separated trax for this one, so i may get a chance to mess around with some of your ideas myself. FUN!

as for the vox--obviously you know they are tuned to the extreme. so hopefully the pitchiness isn't an issue. i DO feel there's more emotion in this song, maybe the melody is more suited to that sort of treatment. (btw--everyones comments on the other song lacking feeling in the vox dept has led me to try to start from scratch with the melody--i think that may be one of the main problems--that the melody itself isn't too emotionally rich or engaging. does that sound like it makes sense?)

so yeah, thanks! this is the second song i did so it makes sense that its a bit better out of the gate. the chorus sticks in my craw though, i wonder what you folks think of that specifically...? :

 

[Tobe]

Hi fearfeasog,

I was a bit harsh (it was late here... that's my excuse ). I just had another listen and I still think it has a "detached" sound, but that actually suits the lyrics and general intent.

When I'm listening, I can't help anticipating that a crisp, dry, upfront vocal is about to burst out. As it stands, I feel the vocal is a bit buried in effects, but perhaps that's what the song wants.

 

[fearfeasog]

Hi fearfeasog,

I was a bit harsh (it was late here... that's my excuse ). I just had another listen and I still think it has a "detached" sound, but that actually suits the lyrics and general intent.

When I'm listening, I can't help anticipating that a crisp, dry, upfront vocal is about to burst out. As it stands, I feel the vocal is a bit buried in effects, but perhaps that's what the song wants.

no worries--harsh i can take.

so re: vox fx--i'll take a closer listen to that. is it hard to understand the lyrics? sometimes when you as the one working on the tune (me in this case, duh) you forget to listen objectively--obviously i know the words pretty well, so i hear them "clearly" every time. but you DON'T know them, and i need to remember that. not sure if that's the issue but it's something to think about.

i thought the autotune thing and the delay thing worked pretty well--without it it seemed to need something to fill in the in-between bits, push the musical "bed" back a little, since it really isn't doing much. i maybe could roll off a little more high end, and turn the delay down just a bit--maybe that'll help.

and work on the "ahhs"--they kinda suck. copy/paste tomfoolery, there.

thanks for your input!

 

[Tobe]

I can hear the lyrics, but my personal taste just wants some contrast. Perhaps it's not the vocal but the song that needs some sudden impact.

I'm not sure if this will make much sense, but I am thinking of "Let it die" by the Foo Fighters, when they break from a repetitive groove with the line "Do you ever think of me?"... the vocal treatment doesn't change much, but it is the kind of face slapping contrast that I am "anticipating" when I listen to your song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63NiS3uZaTA

 

[fearfeasog]

I can hear the lyrics, but my personal taste just wants some contrast. Perhaps it's not the vocal but the song that needs some sudden impact.

I'm not sure if this will make much sense, but I am thinking of "Let it die" by the Foo Fighters, when they break from a repetitive groove with the line "Do you ever think of me?"... the vocal treatment doesn't change much, but it is the kind of face slapping contrast that I am "anticipating" when I listen to your song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63NiS3uZaTA

wow, that's a powerful song. i like the sense of sudden "vaccum" at that part you mentioned--the way everything seems to stop and float for just a moment, then there's a dramatic guitar thing, and the words which really hit home because of it all. that's a good model, maybe, for this song.

i totally understand the feeling that *something* should change. i have some ideas about that to suggest to my friend. like under the chorus (which i am revising, btw--i never liked the one that's there) i'll suggest there be a change in arrangement, at least a new rhythmic element or pattern. same for the middle part.

thanks!

 

[Tobe]

Hey fearfeasog,

I'm just glad I could say something constructive after my first comment.

And in an effort to remain constructive... you don't need to match the Foo Fighters... they have 20 years of rock legend status to lend them confidence.