Really , really nice work, all around. Especially liked the: composition and arrangement; the qualities of the vox; the time-doubling and halving; the artsy and interesting pan ideas; and the delay bounce off the wall R.
If I were to suggest ways to make it better?
The second verse goes 4 {?} cycles, matching the first. It's kind of long and predictable like the first. I'd cut the second verse in half, and dive into the rest of the tune...a little surprise...and make it up later. And add about 4 to 12 bars of that nice guit 'solo' thing. Get it over 3 minutes...I don't hear air play that is under 3 , often.
The tune has good dynamics: breakdowns, the time trips. But someone mentioned the aggressiveness? The solo guitar break is that. But it goes away fast. It's like a little mountain of a flat plain. Some other features that would pleasingly clutter the landscape might be a couple BIG drum breaks; a vox section than screams and emotes a bit; and maybe a some edge on the guitars [EQ] in the R&L sections. Contrast.
Nothing wrong at all with the work. Just adding a few added chess pieces might make for a more attention-getting game. As it is, you're about 2 moves from 'mate'. For future reference?
As the tune stands, I know it'd sound wonderful live...full of power...making me move. But it doesnt come across a lot on the recording. "Bigness and pump and angst". If this is your band, I bet it would really , seriously ROCK, if done in a single recorded/ live take. Guts happen when you're in the midst of musical copulation in front of the mic's.
MHO. FWWIW. It's a bit "tame". It needs to get a little raw, unneccessary, with some livish "strut". All the parts are carefully controlled.....which, with a slightly more interesting landscape, would work. It needs a little "Ya ya".
But it is very, very good as it is. 9 out of 10