Musician Jokes

  • Thread starter Thread starter gordon_39422
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What does a stripper do to her ass before she goes to work?

Gives him pair of drumsticks and drops him off at band practice!!!
 
Why do bands hire sound guys?

So they can have a ride to the gig!!
 
The Lord decided to go down to earth and take a walk one day. He cam upon a man crying.
"Why are you crying my son?" he asked.
"I am blind , and have never seen a sunset." So the lord healed him and he was happy.

He came upon another man crying.

"Why are you crying my son?" he asked.
"I am crippled, and I have never walked" So the lord healed him and he was happy.

He came upon yet another man crying.

"Why are you crying my son?" he asked.
"Lord, I am a professional musician."

And the lord sat down and cried with him.
 
Another. :)

I came to the pearly gates and was talking to St. Peter, when all of the sudden I heard a gut-busting drum solo. I was impressed. It seemed Buddy Rich had gotten into heaven too. So I turned to St.Peter and asked him, "Is that Buddy Rich?"

"No", he replied, "that's God, he just thinks he's Buddy Rich"
 
Big Bands and Livestock...

What is the difference between a "Big Band" and a Bull?

A bull has the horns up front and the asshole in the back!
 
What do you do to someone who cant play an instrument?

~Give them drumsticks

What do you do to a drummer who can't play?

~Take away one stick and tell him to wave the other in the air.(Conductor)
 
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft????



























































A Flat Miner.
 
How many guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb ?

1 to do it and 5 more to say "I could have done it better"
 
How many guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb ?

1 to do it and 5 more to say "I could have done it better"

Damn you stole mine :)
 
How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?


None. They have machines that do that now.
 
Q. What do you call a drummer in a suit?
A. The defendant
 
satchmo said:
Damn you stole mine :)


Must be an Ottawa Joke. Actually I heard Steve Morse say that one in Toronto when he lost power to his rig at a show. He was killing time while the crew got him up and running again.. :)
 
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