Personally, too much high EQ for me which muddles the sound.
Drum kit has the snare EQ'd to high to get any punch, and the same goes for the kick and toms. Cymbals sound great, but the EQ adjustment and some level control would work wonders in the whole mix.
Low end on the mix is lost completely, which might help bring out the bass plus add dimension to the tune. (see note below, it might sound great on your speakers...)
Guitar sounds mic'd too far away. Possibly the guitarist has too much FX on his rig to get an 'up-front' sound. Sometimes difficult, but if you can get a guitarist to drop the verb, delay, and some of the compression you can lay better tape and add that stuff in post.
Right at 2:32 it really sounds great. That's a great sound going on!!!
For the most part, the vox sound good. Last part of the song where the eerie background vox come in, sounds really, really good.
I'd bet the mix sounds great on your speakers. I always have a hard time finding the right mix that sound perfect on every pair of speakers. At your age, you fuckin rock, man. Don't be ashamed of this one at all.
Listening through it a 4th time, I have to say that 2:32 part sounds fuckin perfect! I'm sure I'll listen to this one a bunch more times, which is more than I can say about a ton of tunes!