lyrics sheet for requested song critique

[Leslie Ell]

Here are the lyrics to one of the songs I sent the links to asking about a critique.

I thought it was a good idea about the guidelines thing that badgas posted.

Thanks again


Are Simple Songs Coming Back Again


It’s so funny when I think of it.
Where we’re going and where we’ve been
I think by now I’ve heard everything.
Are simple songs coming back again?

Getting older by the day.
My life has changed in so many ways
They songs we like they never change.
Are simple songs coming back again?

CHORUS
The nowhere man has gone someplace,
but his friends are still around
Singing songs started years ago,
still searching for that special sound
It hasn’t changed in outward ways,
still do all those things
But now we rest the next day,
while we listen to those simple songs again.

The kids are growing up way too fast,
go straight from young to old
Is where they’re going, where we’ve been?
Are simple songs coming back again?
It’s so funny when I think of it.
The songs of my youth are now classic hits
My children’s songs tell of where they’ve been.
Are simple songs coming back again?

 

[jjtcorsair]

Leslie,

I'm going to be kind of harsh here... Your lyrics aren't very good.

The beginning stanza is promising enough. It sets up a rhythm and a rhyme scheme. In the second stanza you change the rhyming scheme completely. The chorus has a good start with the Nowhere man reference but-

"It hasn’t changed in outward ways,
still do all those things
But now we rest the next day,
while we listen to those simple songs again."

-is a mess.

The second part of the chorus is better- especially the "Kids are alright" refrerence.

Work on using metaphors. Start simply: "x is like y". Work on the rhythms of words and sentences- count your syllables, pat your knee. I like the message of the song, it has potential. Listen analytically to great songwriters, dissect what they are doing and keep working on it.

Jon

 

[Naghorvik_Soran]

i disagree

i rather like them i think thay make a point in a light harted way
weather or not the rhyme sceme lines up tit fot tat is really in my opinion not that important as long as it sounds good when you sing it the only thing i would say in support of the previous post is if you find yourself scrunching words into thier placein the melody you may want to revise but otherwise GOOD WORK

 

[Melody Lane]

lyrics

I give you one thumb up. It was all in all pretty good. I'd like to be able to hear how you sound singing it. Plus having some kicking music to go along with it can make just about any song sound good. Don't get too "hillbilly country" with it thought, people will think you've done gone and lost your hound dog.HAHA

p.s. Is this your first song??

 

[Leslie Ell]

no, I have written quite a few songs... this one is one of my songs from back in the early 90's .. but the recording is new

Thank you for your opinion JJT.. I will think very seriously about your suggestions.... usually people just say that they like it, or they say nothing at all, so it is good to get some constructive criticism

Thank you naghorvik.... I know what you mean about trying to shove too many syllables into a prase.... it is sometimes very difficult to express you emotion within the confining constriction of a song structure...

continuing to grow and learn my craft...
Les