Looking for more of a composition critique than a mix one.

DM60

Well-known member
For starting the song, if you haven't already thought of this, starting with the guitar for a measure, then the e-drums, then start singing. That would flow really well.

On your transition, I think it is a good switch, maybe something a little more to get you there. Not for sure what, like some sort of slide in or, but creative. At 1:35 you just seem to switch again, it was smooth, but it seems like it should be less subtle.

Looks like you have a pretty good idea going there. Hope my input was helpful.
 

spantini

COO of me, inc.
They fit, compositionally. I think filling out the song with more parts will help them blend in better.
 

famous beagle

Well-known member
Very interesting stuff --- especially the drum part in the B section. After one full listen, I'm still not exactly sure what's going on there. Makes me want to listen again to figure it out.

What is your recording chain for the guitars, vocals, and bass?
 

CrowsofFritz

Flamingo!
Very interesting stuff --- especially the drum part in the B section. After one full listen, I'm still not exactly sure what's going on there. Makes me want to listen again to figure it out.

What is your recording chain for the guitars, vocals, and bass?

Thanks! I went with a weird beat that’s a little jarring from being slightly off but still on time.

Vocals: MXL 4000 into Komplete Audio 6

Guitar: Strat straight into the Audio 6

Bass: Hofner into Vox T25. Micd by MXL 4000 2 feet away centered into the interface.
 

PDP

There once was a note
Sorry I don't think the part B works. The composition idea is good, but the double hit on the kick drum at the end of the phrase is not working for me with the rhythm. Maybe accent it differently IDK.
 

CrowsofFritz

Flamingo!
Sorry I don't think the part B works. The composition idea is good, but the double hit on the kick drum at the end of the phrase is not working for me with the rhythm. Maybe accent it differently IDK.

So are you more likely taking issue with the beat than the transition?
 

PDP

There once was a note
So are you more likely taking issue with the beat than the transition?

Yes the kick drum in particular. There's a double kick at the end of the loop. That's very awkward. I'd take the second hit out altogether maybe.
 

grn

Well-known member
This reminds me of early of Montreal. I'd look to them for inspiration on song structure.

I tried not to read other replies and be influenced so sorry if some of this has been said. I think you need space at the beginning before you jump into the vocal, even if it's just playing the chord for 4 beats... even if you hit the chord once for a whole bar or measure and then jump in... it just needs some space.

In my mind, this seems to be in an A B C A B C format, with A being your apparent chorus.

A beginning with the "fallen leaves in the winter..."
B beginning at 0:24 with "and I'll..."
C beginning at 0:51 with "I'm going down"
The C section is the bridge to me.

I might consider doing an A B A C B A structure and changing the lyric in the second B section.

Mix-wise I think the timing could be tightened on the double vocal and in general the vocal could be brought down a few dB. There's a scratchiness on one of the tracks so maybe use a subtle noise remover on that, but it's not too distracting. I'd also compress the guitars a bit more personally and play with panning and expand the stereo field to make it feel wider. I think the parts themselves are fine, but again I also enjoy early of Montreal stuff so if that's not the vibe you're going for then you could certainly go in a more pop direction.
 

CrowsofFritz

Flamingo!
This reminds me of early of Montreal. I'd look to them for inspiration on song structure.

I tried not to read other replies and be influenced so sorry if some of this has been said. I think you need space at the beginning before you jump into the vocal, even if it's just playing the chord for 4 beats... even if you hit the chord once for a whole bar or measure and then jump in... it just needs some space.

In my mind, this seems to be in an A B C A B C format, with A being your apparent chorus.

A beginning with the "fallen leaves in the winter..."
B beginning at 0:24 with "and I'll..."
C beginning at 0:51 with "I'm going down"
The C section is the bridge to me.

I might consider doing an A B A C B A structure and changing the lyric in the second B section.

Mix-wise I think the timing could be tightened on the double vocal and in general the vocal could be brought down a few dB. There's a scratchiness on one of the tracks so maybe use a subtle noise remover on that, but it's not too distracting. I'd also compress the guitars a bit more personally and play with panning and expand the stereo field to make it feel wider. I think the parts themselves are fine, but again I also enjoy early of Montreal stuff so if that's not the vibe you're going for then you could certainly go in a more pop direction.

Thanks for giving it a listen and the critique! I’ve never heard of Montreal. I’ll give them a listen.
 
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