feedback on my songwriting ability?

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JeffVyain

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i would really appreciate any feedback on a couple of songs i have here:
http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/album.php?aid=4018&alid=-1

in particular, "a day apart" and "step away" are the two songs i have on there that i feel are the best. blindsided is more fun, but i feel like it gets too repetitive and i'm not too fond of my lyrics... i'm currently a student in nashville, and i'm wondering how worthwhile it would be for me to try to get into the songwriting scene a bit. is there even any money in it outside of the pop/country scene? well, any insight would be appreciated... not too concerned about the guitar/cello playing, as i know neither are very good, but they're the instruments i have to work with so i make use of em...could the songs be worth taking to anyone? with some work?
 
hey jeff

i've listened to 'step away', will listen to others when i have more time.
i really, really like it. a lot. you remind me a lot of joseph arthur. not sure what you think of him, or if you even know him. if you don't, check him out.

are you the cellist? the arrangment works very well, even if it's just following the bassline, and if the intonation's a little off :)

the only criticism i have is a very personal one, and is not really a criticism at all, and it is this: I'm not hugely into romantic songs (even though i'm a pretty romantic guy ;). Guess it's not a problem, but all your songs seem to have something similar in their by-lines. So, I reckon you should try some variation in content. Then again, that's unfair 'cos I've only listened to one song.

I want to hear more! Keep it up.
 
hi jeff,

i listened to "a day apart". it has a beautiful flowing feel to it, the lyrics (which are good) seem to gently drag the listener along. from a songwriting perspective it is very good. i also thought you recorded the acoustic guitar quite well, your voice could do with the odd lesson to get it 100% right, but its not far off. im just a poor humble songwriter myself so i would not know in which direction to point you to showcase these songs. just wanted to say well done.
 
Listening to Step Away. Good stuff, feels like you mean it. As always feel free to ignore what I say :)

There are intonation issues bugging me, both in the guitar (5th and 6th strings I think) and the vox. Quite painful in parts. The cello is a very nice touch. I would have a think about how you build up the heavier guitar strumming in the context of what the voice - and the lyrics - are doing; they don't seem connected. Probably a week off from it and then a critical listen would help you sort that out.
 
i definitely feel you on the intonation issues...the guitar's 5th string has issues...the strings aren't the same, and i think that one is actually a light and the rest are mediums...would that have something to do with me never being able to get it in tune? cuz it's like, when i play it open, it'll sound flat, then once i correct it, i'll play it, say, on the third fret, and it'll be sharp...maybe the ol' takamine just needs to be replaced. the cello is also off. i haven't played it more than a couple hours total in the past 2 years, so i'll work on it...but basically i just wanted to get a song down. i don't feel like i have the talent to ever be a musician, as i think it's pretty obvious that i'm not much of a singer...but as a songwriter, well, that's why i'm here asking you guys questions.
thanks for the responses so far. i really appreciate it.

edit: oh yea, i'm really trying to work on some other content... those were all written in the past 2 months and they're just inspired from a relationship...but yea, i got some catchy guitar licks i'm workin on. i'm just trying to figure out what to write about...brain's just not working for me like i want it to
 
if you just want to be a songwriter and not showcase your own songs and sing, thats fine, but i would still advise getting some singing lessons. i suppose it depends on how you write, but if you free up your voice a little and maybe improve your range then this can give you more scope when you write.
 
ok, don't know if i've got serious problems here. as far as i know my aural skills are not shabby, but i'm not hearing the "painful" intonation problems.

the biggest intonation issue i hear is with the cello, it's a pretty grating at times. the guitar isn't 100% but it's not awful.

i think jeff's voice is just fine. a good producer will make sure the performance is a bit tighter. but, i would simply recommend singing more often (ie. practice), instead of getting lessons.
 
wow

this is great stuff - it's really been a good last couple of days on the BBS for quality recordings :)

listened to step away and a day apart so far. I really like your voice - reminds me a little bit of Jeff Tweedy (which I hope you take as a compliment) :)

the instruments you've chosen really work well - the sound is warm without being too full. Love that harmonica in a day apart. The mixing could probably do with some work as it's a bit bottom-heavy, but that's fr another forum :)

songwriting-wise, I really like a good break-up song, and I think you've captured the mood/emotion really well here. like Garry says, it sounds like you mean it.

I don't hear the intonation issues either, but that could just be my bad ears. :rolleyes:

great songs though mate, I'd be keen to hear your new stuff too.

edit: just listened to 'blindsided' - this is my favourite so far. love the piano :)
 
The intonation issues are there, as Jeff himself agreed - I very much doubt that either Nick or National S have aural shortcomings, it's just that different systems bring out different things, in the absence of a perfect monitor / room set up which very few of us have.

I think it's the conviction in Jeff's stuff which makes it so good to listen to - Jeff I think it's more than good enough to warrant investment in a new set of (matching!) guitar strings :)
 
Backer

Hi Jeff
I have just listened to all of your songs and I believe they are very very good
What do you Mean its obvious you can't sing verywell?
I think its obvious you can sing very well your voice has a certain kind of something that really suits your songs.
I don't know weather to give up or try and get to a level somewhere near yours.
I have an awful lot of trouble completing songs. I don't have much trouble with the music I seem to be able to get the sound i'm after but I have about
12 incomplete songs and its very frustrating. You keep up the great work and no more of this bullshit about not having the talent to be a musician when its quite obvious that you are a fine musician. go for it. Backer
 
alright, maybe i'll start sacking up and playing in front of some people... i just transferred to belmont university in nashville, so once i start meeting people and learning a little about the studio, i can get free studio time in an awesome studio... in the meantime, i'll keep writing.
nick, i really wish i had a piano to play, but unfortunately you're hearing a 50 dollar peavey electric guitar. the attack is really light and drowned out by the attack in the acoustic. in a lot of cases, that first millisecond of sound is the only thing that identifies one instrument from another...kinda interesting

thanks again for all the comments. i appreciate every one. any further suggestion for making them better other than intonation issues? i don't have any bridges in any of those songs...there's a couple reasons for that. for one, i don't really know how to write them, and secondly, i feel like just about every pop song i've ever heard has a bridge, and i just didn't want to make something that felt cliche to me...but at the same time, it may be needed...any thoughts on that would be helpful.
 
alright i just finished my new lyrics...i'm sorry they're still not upbeat...that one's coming. i'll have this song "done" probably sometime tomorrow, as it just needs to be recorded, but the music is all written out...i guess it's called "someway, somehow":

i see the sunshine in your eyes
but i feel the dusk is rollin in
and as i watch this pale moon rise
i'm waiting, i'm waiting for this heartbreak to begin

star by star you fade away
and you're left to haunt my dreams
and i look up and say

someway, somehow, i will find my way back to you
and i know for now that my heart will lead me home

i miss the way my arm goes numb
when i wake up with you in my arms
and when i wake now my body's cold
and i'm falling down, and i feel so alone

tossing, turning in my sheets
running circles in my brain
i come up and come back down again

someway, somehow, i will find my way back to you
and i know for now that my heart will lead me home

someway, somehow, i will find my way back to you
and i know for now that my heart will lead me home

i was sure you'd fall through
you were too good, too fast for me
somehow you made me believe

someway, somehow, i will find my way back to you
and i know for now that my heart will lead me home
 
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