Challenge for March 1st

  • Thread starter Thread starter up-fiddler
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My offering

Here are my lyrics. I'll offer an brief insight into my process. I decided to challenge myself to use all the acceptable words. To further challenge myself, I decided to complete this in 45 minutes (during a flight layover). Since me & you were not allowed I determined to make the story a 3rd party narative. Since God & Devil would be included, I thought the story should be a play on good vs. evil.

I completed this in 30 minutes. I failed to use all 26 words (I did use 23 of the 26). I did consider adding another verse to use the other 3 words (it would have been easy enough and I did have 15 minutes), which would have been something about pulling a scam in an upsatirs bar in Kansas City - but I decided the story would not benefit for that self indulgence.

I did not take this too seriously (how serious can you take lyrics that include foible & zilch):D

The Devil Has Taken Him

Verse 1
He's been around the block more than once
Some call him a character, some call him a fool
He sleeps at the bus station, a sad situation
For someone who studied in Ivy League schools

Verse 2
Why would a man fall so far and so quick
A position at Xerox gave him power and wealth
In less than a year, he looks morally bankrupt
Those martini lunches were zilch for his health

Chorus
Life holds little interest for this notable joker
Without sense of value. without sense of shame
The Devil has taken him, under his wing
The due will be tenfold, for playing this game

Bridge
Maybe he thinks he can manage this foible
And restore his dignity, reclaim his life
But God has forsaken him and turned a deaf ear
Hey, why should he worry, he's opted for strife

Chorus
Life holds little interest for this notable joker
Without sense of value, witout sense of shame
The Devile has taken him, under his wing
The due will be tenfold, for playing this game

Tag
The Devil has taken him, under his wing
The due will be tenfold, for playing this game
 
I saw the words god and Kansas and realized that the song could only be about one thing.

The-Gods-Hate-Kansas-Print-C1010070.jpg


Known in movie form as

theycamebeyondspace.jpg


I'm humbled to say it took me about two hours to write this campy piece of crap. I blame senility. Although I stole as much as possible from the source material, I'm sure the lyrics deviate significantly, which will divide scholars for generations. Anyway, here it is.

The Gods Hate Kansas
by Rat Lizards

Verse 1:
========
Nine new comets light up the night
Nine new craters on one crash site
The rain of pain falls mainly on the plain
On each ear of corn and each shock of grain
The men upstairs blaze a fiery trail
And the Devil is in the wheat-tails

Chorus:
=======
Why? Maybe 'cause
The gods hate Kansas, the gods hate Kansas
The farmers flee in their flannel pajamas
Hey! The gods hate Kansas
Look to the sky

Verse 2:
========
Nine scientists investigate
One with a skull full of metal plate
Eight will serve as zombie slaves
One is immune to the zombie waves
He's the only man left for miles around
And a crimson plague's wiping out the town

Chorus:
=======
Why? Maybe 'cause
The gods hate Kansas, the gods hate Kansas
The farmers flee in their flannel pajamas
Hey! The gods hate Kansas
Look to the sky

Zombie bridge:
==============
We sacrifice
Mankind tonight
Restore the gods
To flight

Chorus:
=======
Why us? Maybe 'cause
The gods hate Kansas, the gods hate Kansas
The farmers flee in their flannel pajamas
Hey! The gods hate Kansas
Look to the sky
 
The process has for me has taken about 2 1/2 weeks of and on. I had about 3 progressions hanging around that I bounced the ideas around in. I had a few versions most did not get past first verse. Two deception/reality (from Xerox) and home/away (from Kansas via Wizard of Oz) chugged away but the second won out and is what you see below.

I didn’t use as many words as I thought I would – I despatched ‘characters’ for strangers in the first line and ‘Only God and the Devil know just what I been through’ – was originally ‘ . . . what I value’. I also used ‘you’ twice (counting you’d), but certainly considered its use more than ever before; trying various alternative lines and realising that using ‘you’ was the most efficient way to say what I wanted.

I think the Mid8 might sound a bit contrived and archaic in its sentence structure, but it sort sends it in a different direction as a bridge should. Foible, never got a look in, but I did consider a verse about drinking liebfraumilch in Germany to rhyme with zilch (that’s where wall in Berlin came from).

I have used cut/paste technique before where you take phrases/words from partial or complete works cut them up then try to rearrange them – this is a technique Bowie uses all the time – I find it very Zen as it is what is discovered as you work with the constraint that is inspiring not just adhere to the rules. Thanks Fiddler for setting it up again this month.

Moment in Memphis

1
The photographs of strangers I just meet
Define a path on a journey without a friend
Too quick was our goodbye
The situation felt unclear now I know why

2
A Facebook face your Xerox of reality
Cannot replace or restore the memory
It was always maybe
Next destination was where we would meet

Ch
Like the moment in Memphis
The year in London
The week in Paris
Three nights in Hong Kong
These ruby shoes left Kansas far behind
I always thought you’d be here by my side

3
This empty bus, on a crowded street full up with rain
So tropical, the neon lights window stain
It’s so beautiful I speak
I look around for you but the bus is just empty
(Like the . . .)

Ch

Mid8
Keep your ear to the road, ‘cause it’ll be notable
When the tides pull home, this joker so prodigal
Only God and the Devil know, just what I’ve been through
They watch with interest as I go, upstairs to you
And say, Hey where do we go from here?


Ch
There was the moment in Memphis
The year in London
The weekend in Paris
Three nights in Hong Kong
The summer in New York
The winter in Dublin
A month in Sydney
On the wall in Berlin

(r)

Over Outro

There’s no place like home
When you know where home is
 
here it is

It's called Wanting Disease
Verse 1

The devil has our ear this time around
He still might pull us down
crippled and deafened by the sound
we wear a jokers crown

Chorus

This situation left us shaken
gripped by this notable disease
this crooked path that we have taken
was quick to bring us to knees
we keep begging god to please

Verse 2

Now we ask our creator to restore
a broken lock on a broken door
get all we want and ask for more
these aren't the things that god is for


Chorus

This situation left us shaken
gripped by this notable disease
this crooked path that we have taken
was quick to bring us to knees
we keep begging god to please

verse 3

Too quick to look away and lie
Too slow to stop and question why
We raise our fists up to the sky
when things go wrong and people die

We have built our foundation on faith that we filch
but out hollow creation has amounted to zilch
the cornerstone of our nation has crumbled to silt
we're still stuffed to the gills and armed to the hilt
 
You guys have some good stuff!!! I said I would play along, so here goes.

I play in a Praise Band, and when I "attempt" to write, it is Contemporary Christian music. Got 11 words from acceptable list which are in caps.

My song is "God Alone"

Verse 1
On a BUS to nowhere, took a LOOK at life.
Was in a SITUATION, cutting like a knife.
I was QUICK to point the blame, MAYBE that's not fair.
I didn't like what I became, GOD RESTORE from my shame.

Chorus
God Alone, can PULL from this slumber.
God Alone, fill my world with wonder.
God Alone, reigns in power and thunder.
God Alone, God Alone.
Every knee will bow to God Alone, God Alone

Verse 2
In the still of the evening, a whisper in my EAR.
Listened with great INTEREST, the message loud and clear.
Said, come and bring your burdens, come and give your all.
I will give you comfort, any time you call.

Chorus
Bridge
God is commanding, soothing not demanding.
He will hear my cry, Never question WHY

Chorus


Charlie
 
And here is the up-fiddler's

I occasionally write dark and brooding stuff but rarely record it. It generally isn't the type of message I want to propigate with whatever feeble writing skills I may possess. This seemed to me an excellent opportunity to write another one. BTW- this is the second song I wrote for this challenge. The first was even worse and wasted several of my diminished brain cell count.

The Edge
c.Dave Morehouse 2008

Look, look, look, look at what he found.
In a room for one with devils all around.
Why, why, why, why is he afraid
When comfort sits just a dream away.

And yeaaaaaaah he hears them howl.
And then he hears them scream.
But the world outside hears nothing.
While they plot their evil schemes.

Does he value all his memories?
Is he quick to press restore?
Lend an ear he’ll tell the story
He keeps locked inside a drawer.

And yeaaaaaaah he hears them howl.
And then he hears them scream.
But the world outside hears nothing.
While they plot their evil schemes.

Crawl upstairs and find the window.
Creep so slowly toward the ledge.
Try to grasp the situation.
Make yourself a solemn pledge.

And yeaaaaaaah he hears them howl.
And then he hears them scream.
But the world outside hears nothing.
While they plot their evil schemes.
 
I must say in advance of the of any formal critique - I'm actually rather impressed with everyone's submittal. They all have some very goods lines. I regret I did not take time to create something of more substance.
 
My entry

I saw the words BUS, Kansas, ear, and situation and came up with the following. I call it "Corn Silk", original title was "Corn Silk Smells of Freedom."

Corn Silk
©J. Blessing 2008

1
Gazing out the window of a bus traveling through Kansas
He looked back on the circumstance that brought him to this place
He didn't think that much of life before he bought that one-way ticket
Now the light of liberty is shining from his face

His parents often told him he would never amount to nothing
Somewhere deep inside his heart he knew that they were wrong
He swore to himself one day he’d improve his situation
And run off to the fields of green ‘cause that’s where he belongs
'Cause...

ch
Corn silk smells of freedom
To a boy who never knew
All that life could offer him
Underneath the skies of blue
And the ripe ears tast of Heaven,
He'll get all he’ll ever need
He’ll reap all that he has sown
And God has given him the seed

2
His daddy was the devil’s own, his momma not much better
They only saw him as a thing of use
On his sixteenth birthday he packed his only suitcase
And when he left at midnight, he cut his parents loose

He hitched a ride into town and pawned all he had of value
Bought a ticket to Topeka on the next bus out
Dreaming of a future that was tall as a Kansas cornstalk
As he left his past behind him he knew without a doubt

That…

ch
Corn silk smells of freedom
To a boy who never knew
All that life could offer him
Underneath the skies of blue
And the ripe ears taste of Heaven
He'll get all he’ll ever need
He’ll reap all that he has sown
And God has given him the seed

3
Years later he’d be buried on a farm of 50 acres
Back behind the old homestead he and his wife restored
He’d leave behind a legacy to the next few generations
And the lesson that true happiness can’t be bought in any store
When…

ch
Corn silk smells of freedom
To a boy who never knew
All that life could offer him
Underneath the skies of blue
And the ripe ears taste of Heaven
He’ll have all he’ll ever need
He’ll reap all that he has sown
When God had given him the seed

4
Gazing out the window of a bus traveling through Kansas
He looked back on the circumstance that brought him to this place
He didn't think that much of life before he bought that one-way ticket
Now the light of liberty is shining from his face


I'm thinking I'm missing a word that should be highlighted, but as I recall, there are 9 in there.
 
I will compile...

...a new thread tonight when I get home and we can start the critique process. It looks like we have some great and well thought participation again this month. I can't wait to get started. Thanks to all the participants who are willing to bare their souls. I hope the process is meaningful to all of us.
 
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