An introduction and a song for you to pick at.

[Jason Chinchen]

Hi! My name is Jason. I have been writing songs for quite some time but just started getting serious about 2 years ago. I am 36 and a family man. I love music, especially acoustic and Americana styles ranging from Ryan Adams to Ben Harper. I also love the oldies and early rock n roll, Beatles, Zep, Neil Young, CSNY, Cat Stevens, Van Morrison, etc. I am also influenced by a lot of modern indy sounds like Postal Service, etc.
I have been working on my songs and learning more about recording and mixing . I record on a Sonar 8 Pro Laptop through an Alesis Multimix.
I am dead serious about placing songs. I am dead serious about improving this craft in every way possible. I want you to be ruthless with me.
I have written about 25 songs this year, most while traveling the western united states with my kids and wife in an RV. I now live in Anacortes wa.
Looking to co-write and play live gigs solo or with my band.

So, here is a song I wrote 2 years ago. A murder ballad called "Hollow Tree"

Would love feedback on the song and structure, melodies and recording quality. Thanks!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0GxXCmVzdE

 

[gecko zzed]

I had a watch and a listen.

It is an okay song, and you do it pretty well.

Guitar sounds good, voice sounds good . . . and the song has an awesome hook: "hollow tree".

However, musically, the song doesn't stray much from the very conventional in structure and chords, and the lyrics tend to ramble on.

I would think about making it shorter and sharper, and condense the lyrics. I don't think the material and its treatment warrants nearly five minutes. A more elaborate production might add greater dynamics and extra interest, but the acoustic treatment is stretching the limits of my concentration.

However, there is no small measure of talent there . . . keep it up!

 

[Jason Chinchen]

Thank you sir for the concise answers and constructive criticism. I hear ya on the length, believe it or not I cut it down a verse or so already....

So I just cut some more lines and now it comes in at three and a half minutes. Will re-record tomorrow I hope. Will re-post a new version and you can tell me what you think. I am most concerned about the story making sense of course....

Thank you for the compliments on the hook!