Constructive Criticism on this song?

[xela526]

hey, all. This is a song I wrote and recorded with a friend. We don't really have any professional equipment. Advice on the recording is much appreciated, but I'm mostly interested in what you think of the composition itself. I'm 17 and had to play every instrument recorded, so some instrumentation isn't has "good" as it could be. Thanks!

Criticism by Transit Papers on SoundCloud - Create, record and share your sounds for free

Feel free to be brutally honest... it's what the internet was made for. haha.

 

[ido1957]

The writing is very good - especially for your age. Lyrics are quite mature too - sorry lot of English students - these days you are an exception. I could use a rhyme at the ends of of a few lines - but that's how I write so it's just my preference.... This is interesting and keeps you listening to the end. The mix isn't bad either. How long have you been working on this one?

 

[JimmyS1969]

HPF is your friend here. 'P's and 'B's' need addressing. There is a bit of semblance as well. Are you using a pop filter screen?

 

[xela526]

I haven't been working on this one for a really long time, its pretty recent. And I did use a pop filter. Thanks for the input.

 

[joeym]

Handclaps are too loud. Pitch issues in the vocals. Drums sound very weak. That sequenced piano especially at the end doesn't fit to the rest of the song. But you do sound like you're trying to do something original.

 

[JimmyS1969]

Handclaps are too loud. Pitch issues in the vocals. Drums sound very weak. That sequenced piano especially at the end doesn't fit to the rest of the song. But you do sound like you're trying to do something original.

^^This^^ is a very honest criticism that you will learn the most from as long as you don't take it as an insult. I have found joeym's advice to be concise and honest. I would take it to heart.

 

[David Artis]

ong

All the above suggestions. My suggestion is you need to spread your mix out some. All the instruments are cluttered in the center.

Like the tune.

 

[aaronmcoleman]

Not bad at all, I wish I could do this at 17. Sounds kinda Ben Folds influenced, lyrics and music.

Bass gets lost in the piano. I could barely tell it was there at first. The arrangement could use a little excitement. It gets cool in the middle, but maybe some strings, organs, or guitars would add some dynamics and a little something else to spice it up.

 

[xela526]

Handclaps are too loud. Pitch issues in the vocals. Drums sound very weak. That sequenced piano especially at the end doesn't fit to the rest of the song. But you do sound like you're trying to do something original.

I think i might take out the handdclaps altogether. I think they are unnecessary. I don't know how to record drums correctly with only one microphone, haha. Is there some secret to it? Thanks for the advice!