Introducing: COWBELL MASTERING!!!

  • Thread starter Thread starter mshilarious
  • Start date Start date
mshilarious

mshilarious

Banned
We all know there are two elements to a modern, hard-hitting track: a blisteringly loud master, and more cowbell!

Now, for the first time, there is a mastering company that provides both--COWBELL MASTERING!

First, a full-bore hot feverishly blazing cowbell is added to every beat of every one of your tracks! Don't try this at home, COWBELL MASTERING uses patented techniques of clipping the crap out of microphone, preamp, and converter with our secret technique of hitting the cowbell as hard as humanly possible, one inch from an extremely sensitive condenser microphone! If even attempted by mere mortals, your entire recording chain will simply EXPLODE! All of the gear used by COWBELL MASTERING is hand-built by slave labor specifically to absorb this sort of abuse!

Next, your cowbell-laden track is pumped through the loudest VST plugins known to the human race, or any alien races for that matter.

The result? Take this wimpy, non-impactful track (artist identity hidden to protect the reputation of the "engineers" who worked on the original recording). It started with NO COWBELL, and was mastered to a pitiful -15dBFS RMS.

After COWBELL MASTERING's secret patented process, this track is on fire at -8dBFS! AND ALL OF THE ADDITIONAL VOLUME COMES FROM THE COWBELL!!!!

http://www.COWBELLMASTERING.com

This one-of-a-kind service is available only from COWBELL MASTERING at the extremely low price of $13,749.99 per track minute!

RESERVE YOUR COWBELL MASTERING SESSION TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
:laughings::laughings:Is that bob Marley taking advantage of the cow bell mastering:laughings::laughings:
 
How much extra does it cost if you keep the actual cow attached to the bell? Cows add great analog "moo" warmth.
 
As a satisfied customer, I would like to heartily endorse COWBELL MASTERING's service.

I had a dull and lifeless track, which I sent to them along with cashier's check for my entire worldly wealth, and let me tell you - the results were worth at least TWICE what I paid!

Just take a listen!
 
LDS said:
As a satisfied customer, I would like to heartily endorse COWBELL MASTERING's service.

I had a dull and lifeless track, which I sent to them along with cashier's check for my entire worldly wealth, and let me tell you - the results were worth at least TWICE what I paid!

Just take a listen!
Click to expand...

WHAT! You didn't get the first one for FREE. I know a place........
 
Very funny! :)

Although, I think you left out wheather the RMS values you mentioned are to the AES-17 standard, or if it's the square-wave measured type used-in-most-DAW's ...

:eek:


:cool:

- N
 
I too am a huge fan of "Cowbell Mastering" even though I didn't select from the vast library of cowbell sounds.

Instead, I opted for something more expensive, and original :D

 
Njal Frode Lie said:
Very funny! :)

Although, I think you left out wheather the RMS values you mentioned are to the AES-17 standard, or if it's the square-wave measured type used-in-most-DAW's ...

:eek:


:cool:

- N
Click to expand...

I used whichever one was louder :D

Seriously, I don't get different standards for RMS. Take every sample value, square it, average them, take the square root. That's the way I learned it in stats class.

Since 0dBFS is defined as a peak value in either direction, then it follows that a peak-to-peak sine wave must be 20*log(0.707) = -3.01dBFS. Wavelab seems to comply with that . . . :confused:

Ah yes, but I suppose strictly speaking a squarewave is going to have out-of-band information that throws off the calculation. Since an unfiltered squarewave has an RMS equal to peak, that should be 0dBFS, but filtered . . . hold on . . . Wavelab has at 1dBFS peak (not surprising) and -0.01dBFS RMS. That's using its Resampler for a 44-96-44 roundtrip to eliminate out-of-band information, with a 32-bit float source and destination to allow values over 0dBFS.

Oh hey look, I found this old thread that I even participated in!

https://homerecording.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=209104

OK, I don't like the AES-17 standard then. When you develop circuits and you're deep in the Vp-p vs. VRMS difference, you really have to keep your head straight on this or you'll botch your specification. When you tell a customer they have +20dBV headroom, you better mean sine-wave RMS without adding a free 3dB because AES-17 says so. But maybe it's more complicated than that, I dunno :confused:
 
I was just wondering do they also offer wood block mastering ?
All I can find around here is wood block mixing and to tell you the truth I feel they use a little to much compression.
 
Now that would be me then. I can make a snare sound like you hit a dead block of wood :D
 
mshilarious said:
I used whichever one was louder :D

Seriously, I don't get different standards for RMS. Take every sample value, square it, average them, take the square root. That's the way I learned it in stats class.

Since 0dBFS is defined as a peak value in either direction, then it follows that a peak-to-peak sine wave must be 20*log(0.707) = -3.01dBFS. Wavelab seems to comply with that . . . :confused:

Ah yes, but I suppose strictly speaking a squarewave is going to have out-of-band information that throws off the calculation. Since an unfiltered squarewave has an RMS equal to peak, that should be 0dBFS, but filtered . . . hold on . . . Wavelab has at 1dBFS peak (not surprising) and -0.01dBFS RMS. That's using its Resampler for a 44-96-44 roundtrip to eliminate out-of-band information, with a 32-bit float source and destination to allow values over 0dBFS.

Oh hey look, I found this old thread that I even participated in!

https://homerecording.com/bbs/showthread.php?t=209104

OK, I don't like the AES-17 standard then. When you develop circuits and you're deep in the Vp-p vs. VRMS difference, you really have to keep your head straight on this or you'll botch your specification. When you tell a customer they have +20dBV headroom, you better mean sine-wave RMS without adding a free 3dB because AES-17 says so. But maybe it's more complicated than that, I dunno :confused:
Click to expand...

Who let math in the joke thread?
 
I have done work with Cajon mastering. They are big wood blocks. I've been thinking about changing the name of my company to Big Cajones Mastering.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top