Love the intro..has a Metalica feel to it...and I've always loved that spooky essence in Metalica music..and her vox do reminisce of Slick's style during the Starship years a bit...hmmm...Metalica meets Jefferson Starship.
If you do go drier with the vox, I wouldn't go too dry.
My ears, my gut, tells me, she's holding back her emotion..she isn't convincing me, she really wants ya to get out of her head!
(sorry..couldn't resist)
I'm pitch handicapped, so I don't hear the pitch problem..even when I sing, I don't hear it..so I am of no help there.
The ending chorus when she finally does get ya outta her head, has more of the grit I wanna hear thoughout the song. I do like the buildup at the end too.
Rather than turn down the guits..if she put just a tad more power into her vocals(let it come from her guts) then I think the vox would be sitting just right with the guits without even touching a knob/slider...okay, so that sounds like a crazy way of hearing or doing something..but hey, it's me talking here, whaddya expect?
Your playing is great...and the tone..I love your solos!
If I remember right, it is your wife singing? Great to listen to a family project!