Yet another song...lyric opinions please.

[mjr]

"My Heart's Platinum"
© 2006, Monte Richardson

V1:
Now I've heard many songs
'bout havin' a heart of gold
Baby don't get me wrong
but that's something I ain't got, you know

V2:
Now it may seem strange
or unusual to some
to admit I ain't got a heart of gold
but baby I think you ought to know

Bridge:
My Heart's Platinum, yeah my heart's Platinum.
Baby I know you wanted a heart of solid gold
But my heart's Platinum.

V3:
It might sound like a boast
but baby that just ain't true
I know I can love you the most
so take the chance and I'll show you

(Bridge x 2)

Thoughts? Opinions?

 

[Monkey Allen]

Is this about some war veteran or something?

 

[mjr]

Is this about some war veteran or something?

No, it's a play on the cliche "heart of gold".

It's a quasi-love song.

 

[ido1957]

Verse #2 might need a revision to get the rhyming to match the other verses.. looks like 1+3 and/or 2+4 rhymes...

I like what you have so far... I would maybe emphasize why having a "Platinum Heart" is as good or better than a "Heart of Gold" in the chorus.

Keep us posted.....

 

[mjr]

Verse #2 might need a revision to get the rhyming to match the other verses.. looks like 1+3 and/or 2+4 rhymes...

I like what you have so far... I would maybe emphasize why having a "Platinum Heart" is as good or better than a "Heart of Gold" in the chorus.

Keep us posted.....

Hmmm. Maybe I could mention something about platinum being more precious than gold...that might work.

How about something like:

My Heart's Platinum, yeah my heart's Platinum.
Baby I know you wanted a heart of solid gold
my heart's made from a more precious metal.
My heart's Platinum.

I'll have to give that second verse some thought to see if I can change anything.

 

[up-fiddler]

Sounds like a heavy metal tune. Seriously, I like the straightforward use of lyric and the chorus (Either one.) has a nice hook. If you use the first written chorus then perhaps throw in a bridge somewhere to explain a bit. The first chorus stays powerful and the listener gets some detail. Just my dos centavos.

 

[mjr]

Sounds like a heavy metal tune. Seriously, I like the straightforward use of lyric and the chorus (Either one.) has a nice hook. If you use the first written chorus then perhaps throw in a bridge somewhere to explain a bit. The first chorus stays powerful and the listener gets some detail. Just my dos centavos.

Very interesting perspective. never thought of it that way...have a bridge and a chorus...may need to look into that...

 

[ido1957]

It might sound like a boast
but baby that just ain't true
I know I can love you the most
so take the chance and I'll show you

Your newly added line in the chorus works well. Plus Verse 3 seems to expand nicely on the superior quality of your platinum heart.

Do you know yet what kind of musical style will this be written in ? It has great meter for both an up-tempo tune or a power ballad. Another good one in the making MJR.....

 

[mjr]

Your newly added line in the chorus works well. Plus Verse 3 seems to expand nicely on the superior quality of your platinum heart.

Do you know yet what kind of musical style will this be written in ? It has great meter for both an up-tempo tune or a power ballad. Another good one in the making MJR.....

Well, it's gonna be country, probably straight acoustic, so probably a ballad of some type.

 

[Emusic]

When I click the link I get The other me played.

 

[mjr]

When I click the link I get The other me played.

Yes, that's my sample song. I don't have this one recorded yet.