Its been maybe a tad boring around here, are we due a long tl;dr stream of consciousness Mick Doodley post? In the files of suck it up butter cup...eh, here goes...
I think I'm having a bit of a...it damn sure ain't a midlife crisis. I've been here at the new this old house location out in the country for it'll be 2 years in May. Seems like yesterday, it's gone by so unbelievably quick. I'll be turning 61 in about a month. 10 years if I make it that long I'll be 71. If the last 2 is any indication it'll be a blip, a near wink of an eye, 71 years old. Seems the older I get the faster time goes by. I'm seeing folks all around me getting old(er), changing, some suffering the ravages/results of aging, some little doubt approaching the end. Some I viewed as damn near invisible, now small and shrinking, little old people(personally if the doc office is to be believed I've lost about an inch in height!). The older I get, though in the past I may have thought differently, whoever it was who said life is short wins the award for understatement of the years. At times I look years younger than my actual age, at times I catch a glimpse in the mirror and wonder who is that guy. It's not vanity, that kind of went by the wayside in part for instance when at times the younger ladies started acting almost overly nice and smiley, not because you're hot, but because you're not a prospect, but an old guy. A "Sir". Heh. A shocker...shocked I tell you!...even the not so younger ladies with wrinkles.
I find myself more and more measuring things in years. Some the things I want to do. Gardening, you have one shot a year. Fruit trees, years to maturity, once they are planted. It takes planning and consideration, one i've already planted would be in a different location if given a second opportunity. One of my two dogs a boxer mix and prone to cancer, he's in reasonably good shape but breed says not for too much longer. Once gone do I get a sidekick for my other younger dog and risk an orphaned dog somewhere down the line....if something happened to us. I look at my beautiful wife. I think, what if something happened to me, she'd be alone without me to take care of it, problem solver. Yet, I couldn't do without her. Statistics say, not to mention lifestyle both past and present, I'll go first. My heart already breaks for her.
I'm not really depressed, maybe a bit of the winter doldrums. I know growing old(er) and death is part of the deal, take it in stride and with grace. There's nothing productive about dwelling on it, you can't live there. I'm not really afraid of dying, it's inevitable. It's just that, at times lately I'm not feeling very graceful, a bit awkward. I guess I'm not as concerned with the dying, it's the doing, or the inability, or perhaps even the unavailability. I reckon it was the late Walter Becker who wrote, "And you're younger than you realize....Only a fool would say that."
I look around this place, you old f*cks, we old f*cks. Is it just me or do you ever think about this shit as well? Why would you, what's the point, it is what it is, inevitable.
I caution to even click post. A lot could be said on the subject, I reckon it could even have a thread of its own. But who wants to go there. Oh well, I went there, here in this thread. The what's going on with everybody thread.
Though the wife I think has had second thoughts on the matter, I think I just might get chickens this year...maybe.
