what do u guys think of the lyrics

[gibsonguy09]

Remember i am 14 and this is my first song. It is short but i think i can expand on adn make more verses... here it is


i gave you what was left of me
I didn’t give enough
i didnt think about the rest of me
I didn’t think enough
i tried my hardest with the best of me
But the best was not enough
I tried to give you what was left of me
But wat was left was not enough

I tried to hard
I left u out
I thought bout’ me
I didn’t mean to make u cry I
Didn’t mean to hurt you

i tried my hardest with the best of me
But the best was not enough
I tried to give you what was left of me
But wat was left was not enough

I ‘lll give u the rest of me
I’ll try my hardest with the rest of me
I’ll give u what is left of me
Hopefully tht ‘ll be enough
Cuzz I’m in love with u



needs some work and i was hoping ya'll could help me out ..thank you

 

[Rokket]

One of the biggest hurdles to get over when you write is the over use of cliche's. Your lyrics are full of them. It's not bad for a first effort, and it's a topic that is well covered in music.
Keep writing, as you can only improve. I thought about posting a song I wrote when I was 15 that I found lying around the other day. I may do that, just so that I can see where my head was at 23 years ago...

 

[true-eurt]

I agree with Rokket..and with just a few modifications, you could hang onto your original ideas...the enoughs just need a bit more imagination of different words or ways to express your heart..are you planning on putting it to music yourself,or will another do so? If you have an awesome arrangement,you'd be surprised what you can get away with...but practice..practice...practice...

 

[gibsonguy09]

I agree with Rokket..and with just a few modifications, you could hang onto your original ideas...the enoughs just need a bit more imagination of different words or ways to express your heart..are you planning on putting it to music yourself,or will another do so? If you have an awesome arrangement,you'd be surprised what you can get away with...but practice..practice...practice...

I am working on the music. I need a bridge in it i tihnk the last vers i had will be the bridge. Thanks for your input

 

[Garry Sharp]

I can hear it working, you should keep at it, just try to bring another idea into it and as Rokket said drop some of the cliches. I've heard worse on commercial releases.

Sorry to read your sig.

 

[true-eurt]

I am working on the music. I need a bridge in it i tihnk the last vers i had will be the bridge. Thanks for your input

Wow gibsonguy, did you loose someone close to you whom had a terminal disease.. (I noticed your sig..)..I am very sorry about that....Eurt

 

[gibsonguy09]

Wow gibsonguy, did you loose someone close to you whom had a terminal disease.. (I noticed your sig..)..I am very sorry about that....Eurt

Not that but he had a hearty failure and he was 17.... He was on the list for a heart transplant at the top then his lung collasped adn he got taken off the heart list for a lung adn then the next day he died... life goes on he he would want me adn all of his friends to live it up.... great guy