UK>>> Is it possiblé <<<UK AT 2020

[pandamonk]

hah, big ewan yeah he was great, had him for all things music business. Patrick was in charge of my year, michael was cool & I had ian aswell. Also Vharri, (spl err) but you probably wouldn't have had her for the HND, I think she really had a thing for me aswell

Mhairi(correct spelling for Vharri i think) had a thing for all the older guys! Or so it seemed, haha. We had her in midi in the HNC. Think Paddy sacked her, but she stayed on doing another job in Ayr college. Big Ewan was such a laugh! Very knowledgeable too! Everyone hated Paddy, but i thought he was alright. Helped me out a lot when i had panic attacks(reason i was off a lot of the HND year). Michael was cool, very laid back. He got promoted when we went into the HND and didn't do much tutoring after that. Ian was cool too. Focused little too much on his band though, and was off for months on end!

Didn't learn all that much there though, haha. Did most of my learning here!

 

[_brian_]

crazy, you'll not believe this!! I'm not working because of suffering from panic attacks!! Well I don't suffer from them now but It's been a long two years of recovery let me tell you. I'm still off sick due to nerves but I'm getting better all the time, it's just not good when you want to perform in front of people

Paddie sacked Mhairi, wouldn't want to read too much into that one!! Paddie seemed a little arrogant at first. He first talked to me about 3/4 or the way through the course. He was praising me for my remix of that stupid jazz number "I'll be there" or whatever. Got on really well after that.

Yeah, I've learned more on this forum as well, the coarse seemed more of a social event more than anything. They had trouble with the PC for the small studio with the O2R so it was working for like half the time I was there. We weren't allowed to touch the large studio downstairs. A little annoying. I think I booked the studio once & it just happened to be down, so I was sickened off to be honest.

 

[pandamonk]

crazy, you'll not believe this!! I'm not working because of suffering from panic attacks!! Well I don't suffer from them now but It's been a long two years of recovery let me tell you. I'm still off sick due to nerves but I'm getting better all the time, it's just not good when you want to perform in front of people

Paddie sacked Mhairi, wouldn't want to read too much into that one!! Paddie seemed a little arrogant at first. He first talked to me about 3/4 or the way through the course. He was praising me for my remix of that stupid jazz number "I'll be there" or whatever. Got on really well after that.

Yeah, I've learned more on this forum as well, the coarse seemed more of a social event more than anything. They had trouble with the PC for the small studio with the O2R so it was working for like half the time I was there. We weren't allowed to touch the large studio downstairs. A little annoying. I think I booked the studio once & it just happened to be down, so I was sickened off to be honest.

That's pretty weird. I've got books that have definitely been of help with the anxiety. So maybe you could borrow one, or buy your own.

It's so difficult to get over though. The more you go out, the better. I get worse and worse, and then i go out to the shops with my parents and feel great when i come back(I'm just back from shops now). It's weird.

It's difficult with me setting up my business. I'm starting with the studio though, which is at the bottom of the garden, so it'll be a good start, then i'll work up to going out and putting on gigs etc with my business.

What are yours like?

Yeah paddy is a bit arrogant, but if something happens which gets you talking, you can get on well with him.

Yeah, i think about 80% of the course was just sitting about chatting, haha!

I couldn't really be bothered with the studios. I never booked them out. The upstairs studios were re-vamped when we where there. They had two small studios with control24s and the 02R downstairs with the nice big live room.

I enjoyed live sound a bit more, but then the panic attacks in mid HND fucked everything up a bit. I barely went until near the end, but managed to get the HND anyway.

 

[_brian_]

Well like I said I don't suffer from panic attacks anymore but I'm kind of stuck due to the fact of not wanting to go anywhere or do anything that might start me panicing, kind of like staying in an imaginary safety zone. I know that's not going to happen but when I'm going out to de-sensitize myself I manage to convince myself otherwise. Yeah it's definatley a problem, I mean I couldn't go out further than a few towns away just now, which sounds stupid - because it is!! So that's the real reason I get pissed off when someone goes on about testing equipment out before buying!! I can't get to the shops nevermind try equipment!!

Running that business could be a great thing for you, being forced into situations & conversations with people all the time is what is needed. The one thing I constantly run in my head is remembering how I used to be & how I am now & that is a great moral booster because a year or two ago I wouldn't have even thought I could do the things I'm doing now!!

Talk about going off topic!! I wonder if there has ever been a thread in this forum that has gone more off topic than this one - I doubt it!!

 

[pandamonk]

Well like I said I don't suffer from panic attacks anymore but I'm kind of stuck due to the fact of not wanting to go anywhere or do anything that might start me panicing, kind of like staying in an imaginary safety zone. I know that's not going to happen but when I'm going out to de-sensitize myself I manage to convince myself otherwise. Yeah it's definatley a problem, I mean I couldn't go out further than a few towns away just now, which sounds stupid - because it is!! So that's the real reason I get pissed off when someone goes on about testing equipment out before buying!! I can't get to the shops nevermind try equipment!!

Running that business could be a great thing for you, being forced into situations & conversations with people all the time is what is needed. The one thing I constantly run in my head is remembering how I used to be & how I am now & that is a great moral booster because a year or two ago I wouldn't have even thought I could do the things I'm doing now!!

Talk about going off topic!! I wonder if there has ever been a thread in this forum that has gone more off topic than this one - I doubt it!!

Yeah, i got to the stage where i wouldn't get a panic attack anymore, just anxiety, but gradually the panics are coming back, the less i go out. I was very agoraphobic, and i still am in a way, although occasionally i get a big desire to go out, like today.

I'll give you a little bit of advice from the books that helps. You need to face, accept, float and let time pass. So you need to face up-to the fact that you are anxious, why you are anxious, etc. Then you need to truly accept that you will be anxious and may panic but just carry on without dwelling on the feelings. Then you float through the feelings, instead of fighting them(fighting creates tension, which fuels the anxiety). And most importantly, you need to let time pass. It's unlikely to change over night, but gradually if doing all the rest, it will fade away to nothing. Panics are basically over-sensitised nerves. They can't change over night, but they can dull over time.

It is stupid, but understandable. You need to get rid of the "can't go further than a few towns". There is no outside force stopping you. Just try it. We'll meet up, to swap snare and mics, and just let yourself float. You might get anxious/a panic attack, but what does it matter? It won't hurt you. It's just thoughts after all. Thoughts can't hurt you. There's no limit. Ok, you want to get back to your "safe place", so do i, but you need to forget the safe place. You've got things to do. Yeah i know what you mean. I'd struggle going to shops. It helps to go with someone, but then you begin to rely on them, so maybe go with someone for the first few times, but then go yourself.

Yeah the business will be good . That's what i remember too. I remember how confident i was. I could do ANYTHING! I still can, but i could do it without a care. Now I'm too sensitised to my physical, mental, emotional, etc, feelings. They will dull though, if i follow the advice i gave you in this post.

Yeah, it's pretty off topic! Aww well, it happens a lot, especially with me haha!

 

[_brian_]

In all honesty I don't think at the moment I could meet up. The fact of meeting someone new coupled with being somewhere out with my boundaries at the moment might not be a good idea. I am getting better all the time & I might feel better when I can let the snare go. I'll speak to you closer to the time though.

 

[pandamonk]

In all honesty I don't think at the moment I could meet up. The fact of meeting someone new coupled with being somewhere out with my boundaries at the moment might not be a good idea. I am getting better all the time & I might feel better when I can let the snare go. I'll speak to you closer to the time though.

It is a good idea. It just doesn't seem it to you. I'm worried too, but you need to test yourself. Even if you panic, it doesn't matter.

You need to stop with the, i feel better 'cause i haven't paniced in a while, because you're still scared you will, and that can cause a panic. It's holding you back. When you get to the stage when you don't really care if you panic, then you're on the road to recovery. Because you're so anxious that you will, it doesn't take much for you to freak out and cause one. But when you don't care, then you might still get one, but you don't care, so it fades quickly and is less likely to happen.

I'm in the same position as you, but trying to adopt the other side.

 

[_brian_]

It is a good idea. It just doesn't seem it to you. I'm worried too, but you need to test yourself. Even if you panic, it doesn't matter.

You need to stop with the, i feel better 'cause i haven't paniced in a while, because you're still scared you will, and that can cause a panic. It's holding you back. When you get to the stage when you don't really care if you panic, then you're on the road to recovery. Because you're so anxious that you will, it doesn't take much for you to freak out and cause one. But when you don't care, then you might still get one, but you don't care, so it fades quickly and is less likely to happen.

I'm in the same position as you, but trying to adopt the other side.

Cheers for the advice man, I need to get back to my old reckless self it seems

 

[pandamonk]

Cheers for the advice man, I need to get back to my old reckless self it seems

Yeh you do. We both do. We simply need to stop worrying, hahaha, and the way to is, face, accept, float and let time pass. Even if you've still got the feelings, just accept them, float past them and get on with your life. I think that book could help you. It inspired me, and even though I'm no where near being back to my old self yet, i know how to get there.

You need to go past your boundaries, otherwise they will always be there. It doesn't matter if you panic when you do, because you will always come out the other end. Also, once you've learned how to get better, a "setbak", like panicking going past your boundaries, is good for you, as the books teach.

 

[_brian_]

is there any books you'd recommend?

 

[pandamonk]

is there any books you'd recommend?

Books by Dr. Claire Weekes. I've got "hope and help for your nerves" and "more help for your nerves". I wish I'd got the agoraphobia one too, although i suspect it'd be much of the same.

 

[pandamonk]

Cheers for the advice man, I need to get back to my old reckless self it seems

I was asked out by a few friends on thursday. I got really anxious about going but just went. I had a few drinks and had the best night in a long time. Then was out on friday and last night again. Three great nights, and they might not have happened if i let the anxiety get in the way. Don't let it stop you man!

Haha, i was paying for it today though. Hungover from 3 nights of drinking

 

[tojo]

, cause they're relatively crap mics anyway?

they aren't crap

 

[_brian_]

superb

Well done!! I know where your coming from. I was at a party (on the ground floor of my building) a week ago. It was my neighbours son's birthday. I felt weird because I never even had met him!! They wanted me to come down anyway. I was going to go down for around 30min tops & I was kind of dreading it but I stayed to around half 2 in the morning, I was the second last one to leave There was around 50 people & I didn't know 94% of them I did feel the panic around 3 times but it helped a lot cause I just ignored it. I drank 3 bottles of stella as well (my first drink in a little over a year) & started to feel it I met the most interesting people, phsycologists, doctors & the like. I wondered why I had been invited? I was told by my neighbour that there was somebody coming that he wanted me to meet & he was one of the top druids in scotland - I still don't now what that means! I met him, he was around 60 & he was the coolest guy. He'd been decorated twice for his work in the Falklands, he was a doctor, he teaches jujitsui (spell err) & he collects & plays old vintage style drums (bongos & the like). I've now to meet up with him for a jam, and he wants to teach me jujitsui. You just wouldn't believe what this guy's done, he was decorated because he ran back into a minefield he previousley vacated twice to pull out two injured argintinians!! Crazy stuff

No I didn't make that all up

You're lucky in a way because when I was having a nervous breakdown I got shot of all my friends because I really didn't know what was going on at the time. They were all in a couple of bands I had played in and one of them was my best friend for 9 years. I told them very unpolitley where to go on several occasions & I'm left all alone oh dear

I can't go back to them now because I've said goodbye to that part of my life plus it's been 2 years since I've spoken to them. The old me is gone and is irretreavable as far as I'm concerned, I kind of enjoy having chapters in my life instead of having one long uninterrupted story. I like the new me & I'm only going to get stronger. I bought myself a whippet anyway

 

[_brian_]

2020 vision

they aren't crap

well that's good because things that are not crap but cost effective are exactly what I'm looking for,

 

[pandamonk]

Well done!! I know where your coming from. I was at a party (on the ground floor of my building) a week ago. It was my neighbours son's birthday. I felt weird because I never even had met him!! They wanted me to come down anyway. I was going to go down for around 30min tops & I was kind of dreading it but I stayed to around half 2 in the morning, I was the second last one to leave There was around 50 people & I didn't know 94% of them I did feel the panic around 3 times but it helped a lot cause I just ignored it. I drank 3 bottles of stella as well (my first drink in a little over a year) & started to feel it I met the most interesting people, phsycologists, doctors & the like. I wondered why I had been invited? I was told by my neighbour that there was somebody coming that he wanted me to meet & he was one of the top druids in scotland - I still don't now what that means! I met him, he was around 60 & he was the coolest guy. He'd been decorated twice for his work in the Falklands, he was a doctor, he teaches jujitsui (spell err) & he collects & plays old vintage style drums (bongos & the like). I've now to meet up with him for a jam, and he wants to teach me jujitsui. You just wouldn't believe what this guy's done, he was decorated because he ran back into a minefield he previousley vacated twice to pull out two injured argintinians!! Crazy stuff

No I didn't make that all up

You're lucky in a way because when I was having a nervous breakdown I got shot of all my friends because I really didn't know what was going on at the time. They were all in a couple of bands I had played in and one of them was my best friend for 9 years. I told them very unpolitley where to go on several occasions & I'm left all alone oh dear

I can't go back to them now because I've said goodbye to that part of my life plus it's been 2 years since I've spoken to them. The old me is gone and is irretreavable as far as I'm concerned, I kind of enjoy having chapters in my life instead of having one long uninterrupted story. I like the new me & I'm only going to get stronger. I bought myself a whippet anyway

Yeah i stopped drinking for ages. Get drunk soooo easily now. Feel the first pint, 2nd im tipsy, 3rd im drunk, n 4th im sloshed, hahaha!

Did your anxieties drop a bit at the party? Mine always do. I ended up walking about 5miles with 1 of my closest friends on saturday. I'd never do that usually!

Wow, that's amazing what that guy did!

Aww that's ashame about your friends. I kind of ditched all mine too, especially when i had my girlfriend, and many moved away to glasgow(for uni). Now most are home for the holidays, and i split up wi that girl about 9 months ago, so I'm seeing them all again, and feeling great. Still very anxious, but getting out n every time i come home i feel better for it, although usually pretty hungover!

Yeah it's good to have chapters. I felt very different, and felt like everyone else would be too. But as soon as i got back with my friends, I was the same person again, and so were they.

You will get stronger, and your whippet will get you out.

 

[_brian_]

Did your anxieties drop a bit at the party?

Yeah they did, after about the first half hour. I then felt really anxious the last hour for some reason. Perhaps it was because it was so late & I was tired.

your whippet will get you out

Yeah that's the main reason I got him, I definately wouldn't have been out as much as I've been without having a dog.

I'm still waiting for my snare, it's being processed by customs at the moment , hope it doesn't cost me too much £££!! I've budgeted for the final price + 30%, so I should be ok.

I've acually started a small 3 day course which has helped with my confidence, the last day is tomorrow. I'm thinking about perhaps going on a more lengthy one. I'll have to see what's available. I'm not going on another music related course!! Well not unless it's run entirely by certain Ewan we both know