I'm looking for help on driving my car. How do I do it????
Do any of y'all's know how to drive a car?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
No help.
Helpline: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I'm trying to learn to drive my new car. Can you tell me how?"
Helpline: "I'm sorry, we only provide support. You will have to take the initial responsibility of getting some proper training."
Customer: "Well... OK... How come it won't start?"
Helpline: "What do you mean?"
Customer: "It started fine when I brought it home, but then it stopped and now it won't start up again."
Helpline: "Are you out of gas?"
Customer: "What does that mean?"
Helpline: "Look at the gas gauge..."
Customer: "Umm... Where do I find it?"
Helpline: "It will be on the dashboard behind the steering wheel..."
Customer: "This round thing?"
Helpline: "Yes... The 'round thing'... Behind that there will be some gauges... look for one with an 'E' and an 'F'. If it's on 'E' you're out of gas."
Customer: "I see an 'E' but no 'F'...?"
Helpline: "There's no 'F' ??"
Customer: "Nope... There's a 'C', an 'H', the 'E', a 'V', an 'R'..."
Helpline: "That's our logo... Look to the right of that"
Customer: "Oh... OK... There's an 'E' and an 'F'... The needle is on the 'E'."
Helpline: "OK, that means you're out of gas."
Customer: "Can you fix it?"
Helpline: "No, you just need to go to a gas station and buy more gas and it should be fine".
Customer: "What???!!! After all the money I just paid for this thing, you're telling me I gotta buy more stuff for it before I can use it???!!!
Yall are JACKASSES!!!"
<Next Day>
Helpline: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Your cars suck!"
Helpline: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what's wrong!"
Helpline: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed — and now it won't even start up!"
Helpline: "I'm sorry, sir, but it's your responsibility if you misuse the product."
Customer: "Misuse it? I was just following this damned manual of yours. It said to make the car go to put the transmission in 'D' and press the accelerator pedal. That's exactly what I did — now the damn thing's crashed."
Helpline: "Did you read the entire operator's manual before operating the car sir?"
Customer: "What? Of course I did! I told you I did EVERYTHING the manual said and it didn't work!"
Helpline: "Didn't you attempt to slow down so you wouldn't crash?"
Customer: "How do you do THAT?"
Helpline: "You said you read the entire manual, sir. It's on page 14. The pedal next to the accelerator."
Customer: "Well, I don't have all day to sit around and read this manual you know."
Helpline: "Of course not. What do you expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that goes fast and won't crash anymore!"
