The Seed

[jdblessing1970]

This song was written during one of last years monthly challenges. I FINALLY have a recording of how I hear it in my head. Mind you, what I hear in my head sounds better than how I hear it with my ears when I sing it, but you get the idea. As stated on my "Ready for my debut" thread, it's a capella because I don't play an instrument, quite possibly off-key because I'm not a trained singer, and there may be variances in the notes from verse to verse because it's not written down and sometimes the song changes while I'm singing it, depending on how "set in stone" in my mind it is or how long since I actually sang it to myself.

Honest critiques of lyrics / basic tune are welcome. (I already know not to quit my day-job and try to sing for a living. )

The lyrics have gone through a few minor changes since the challenge, so I'm including the latest version here.

Listen here:
http://www.lightningmp3.com/live/file.php?id=17940


Read here:
The Seed
©2007, J.D. Blessing

Gazing out the window of a bus traveling to Kansas
He thinks back on the circumstance that brought him to this place
He never thought too much of life before he bought his one-way ticket
But now the light of liberty is shining from his face.
His parents always told him he’d never amount to nothing
But somewhere deep inside his heart, he knew that they were wrong
He swore that one day he’d improve his situation
And run off to the fields of green, ‘cause that’s where he belongs

Where…
Corn silk smells of freedom
To a boy who never knew
All that life could offer him
Underneath the skies of blue
And the ripe ears taste of Heaven,
He’ll have all he’ll ever need
He’ll reap all that he has sown
And God has given him the seed​

His daddy was the Devil’s own, his momma not much better
They only saw him as a thing of use
So on his sixteenth birthday, he packed his only suitcase
And when the clock struck midnight, he set his future loose
He hitched a ride into town and pawned all he had of value
For “One ticket to Topeka, on the next bus out”
Dreaming of a future as wide as the Kansas cornfields
As he left his past behind him, he knew without a doubt

That
Corn silk smells of freedom
To a boy who never knew
All that life could offer him
Underneath the skies of blue
And the ripe ears taste of Heaven,
He’ll have all he’ll ever need
He’ll reap all that he has sown
And God has given him the seed​

Years later he’ll be working on his farm of sixty acres,
And living in the old homestead he and his wife restored
They’ll teach all their children that they all have a purpose
And no matter what their dream, its worth striving for.

And
Corn silk smells of freedom
To a boy who never knew
All that life could offer him
Underneath the skies of blue
And the ripe ears taste of Heaven,
He’ll have all he’ll ever need
He’ll reap all that he has sown
And God has given him the seed​

 

[gecko zzed]

cornsilk smells of freedom

What a brillant line: "Cornsilk smells of freedom"!

These lyrics are just plain terrific. You've obviously spent a lot of time and care crafting them. They have the narrative flair of Kris Kirstofferson's songs, and capture the story of the rural runaway really well . . . sort of like a Dick Whittington of the west.

More than anything, though, I admire your bravery for putting up an unaccompanied version of your song. To make yourself vulnerable like that is pretty courageous. When I'm doing stuff at home (like recording vocals for a song), I will not do so until I am sure there is no one within fifty feet of the house.

Well done!

 

[jdblessing1970]

What a brillant line: "Cornsilk smells of freedom"!

These lyrics are just plain terrific. You've obviously spent a lot of time and care crafting them. They have the narrative flair of Kris Kirstofferson's songs, and capture the story of the rural runaway really well . . . sort of like a Dick Whittington of the west.

More than anything, though, I admire your bravery for putting up an unaccompanied version of your song. To make yourself vulnerable like that is pretty courageous. When I'm doing stuff at home (like recording vocals for a song), I will not do so until I am sure there is no one within fifty feet of the house.

Well done!

Thanks for all the kind words. "Cornsilk smells of freedom" was the original title for this song, then I changed it to "Cornsilk" before it hit me that the REAL title is "The Seed." After I had written this and read it through several times, I cam to realize that the "seed" the person in the story was given can be both physical (corn) and metaphorical (hope/dreams/etc.) This one is, by far, one of my favorites. All inspired by one of the monthly challenges here, THANKS, DAVE!

As for my unaccompanied track, well, I don't have a choice. I don't play an instrument, and, since I do all this posting from my day job (I don't have internet access at home) I can't very well get online and make up a background track for it yet. Heck, even if I COULD get onto one of those websites, I'm don't know HOW to do that yet. So, in order to have my music "vision" recorded, at least for posterity sake, I'm forced to sing a capella. I figure if something were to happen to me before I get these songs recorded in some shape or form, no one would EVER know how I thought they were supposed to sound.

 

[up-fiddler]

So nice to hear....

.....your voice after a couple of years of reading your lyrics. This is a song that I really liked when you submitted it for our perusal previously. The melody has a straightforward C/W approach which is what I imagined in my head when I read these for the first time. geck's correct about the finely crafted lyric sheet. I know from our work together that you aren't afraid to rewrite until the story is what you consider to be done. That is an important skill many folks lack.

Ditto to geckko's remarks about an a cappela recording. We should all have to subject ourselves to the same measure and see how well our lyrics stand up when they are the only thing out there for the listener to focus upon.

 

[jdblessing1970]

.....your voice after a couple of years of reading your lyrics. This is a song that I really liked when you submitted it for our perusal previously. The melody has a straightforward C/W approach which is what I imagined in my head when I read these for the first time. geck's correct about the finely crafted lyric sheet. I know from our work together that you aren't afraid to rewrite until the story is what you consider to be done. That is an important skill many folks lack.

Ditto to geckko's remarks about an a cappela recording. We should all have to subject ourselves to the same measure and see how well our lyrics stand up when they are the only thing out there for the listener to focus upon.

Thanks again! It means a lot to me. hmmm...wonder if an a cappela recording could be incorporated as part of a monthly challenge... I wonder if maybe another challenge similar in nature to the one that inspired The Seed could be done: a list of words that should appear along with a list of words that shouldn't.

 

[Whatmysay]

JD

I remember this when you first put it up and hearing it sung just completes what is a great narrative song. I'm with GZ there is definitely Kirstofferson's feel to this.

What I like is how the very linear description in the Vs is transformed to the more symbolic level in the Ch using very similar imagery - this is really well crafted.

I work with a colleague who does not consider themselves a 'Drama teacher' because they did not train in the subject at uni despite teaching the subject for well over 14 years (2 years longer than me). When I hear you apologies at the start I feel the same sense of despair as I do for her.

You clearly can do more than just hold a tune, you give a beautifully engaged rendition of fine lyrics. Stop apologising it is not necessary - I know plenty of very average guitarists with no voice who think themselves much more than you.

What you hear in your head sounds great to me.

Burt