Monsterpop
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The Life and Art of Bass Playing
by Tony Levin
In the beginning there was a bass. It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it
could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it was very old ... definitely
pre-C.B.S.
And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was very
good in fact, and couldn't be improved on at all (though men would later try.)
And so He let it be and He created a man to play the bass.
And lo the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful 'sunburst' red, and
he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note rang through the
earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments (thus reverb came to be.) And
it was good. And God heard that it was good and He smiled at His handiwork.
Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo it was
funky.
And God heard this funkiness and He said, "Go man, go." And it was good.
And more time passed, and, having little else to do, the man came to practice
upon the bass. And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set of chops. And
he did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like a breeze through the
heavens.
And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which He had
created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of furniture, which
He hadn't even created yet, and He was not so pleased. And He spoke to the man,
saying "Don't do that!"
Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so excited about his new ability
that he slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes. And the heavens shook
with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion. (Some of the Angels
started to dance, but that's another story.)
And God heard this - how could He miss it - and lo He became Bugged. And He
spoke to the man, and He said, "Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix I would
have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts."
And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. But now he
had upon him a passion for playing fast and high. The man took the frets off of
the bass which God had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon the
fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon the neck. And, in his
excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he played a
frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks. And the heavens rocked with
the assault and the earth shook, rattled and rolled.
Now God's wrath was great. And His voice was thunder as He spoke to the man.
And He said, "O.K. for you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I shall create
a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you can even think of."
"And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they shall play so
many notes thine head shall ache, and I shall make you to always stand next to
the drummer."
"You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps to make
thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other instruments, and
lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster than the bass."
"And for all the days of man, your curse shall be this; that all the other
musicians shall look to you, the bass player, for the low notes. And if you play
too high or fast all the other musicians shall say "Wow" but really they shall
hate it. And they shall tell you you're ready for your solo career, and find
other bass players for their bands. And for all your days if you want to play
your fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in like a thief in the night."
"And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand
and go to the bar for a drink."
And it was so.
*****************************************************
by Tony Levin
In the beginning there was a bass. It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it
could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it was very old ... definitely
pre-C.B.S.
And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was very
good in fact, and couldn't be improved on at all (though men would later try.)
And so He let it be and He created a man to play the bass.
And lo the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful 'sunburst' red, and
he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note rang through the
earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments (thus reverb came to be.) And
it was good. And God heard that it was good and He smiled at His handiwork.
Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo it was
funky.
And God heard this funkiness and He said, "Go man, go." And it was good.
And more time passed, and, having little else to do, the man came to practice
upon the bass. And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set of chops. And
he did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like a breeze through the
heavens.
And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which He had
created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of furniture, which
He hadn't even created yet, and He was not so pleased. And He spoke to the man,
saying "Don't do that!"
Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so excited about his new ability
that he slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes. And the heavens shook
with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion. (Some of the Angels
started to dance, but that's another story.)
And God heard this - how could He miss it - and lo He became Bugged. And He
spoke to the man, and He said, "Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix I would
have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts."
And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. But now he
had upon him a passion for playing fast and high. The man took the frets off of
the bass which God had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon the
fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon the neck. And, in his
excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he played a
frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks. And the heavens rocked with
the assault and the earth shook, rattled and rolled.
Now God's wrath was great. And His voice was thunder as He spoke to the man.
And He said, "O.K. for you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I shall create
a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you can even think of."
"And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they shall play so
many notes thine head shall ache, and I shall make you to always stand next to
the drummer."
"You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps to make
thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other instruments, and
lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster than the bass."
"And for all the days of man, your curse shall be this; that all the other
musicians shall look to you, the bass player, for the low notes. And if you play
too high or fast all the other musicians shall say "Wow" but really they shall
hate it. And they shall tell you you're ready for your solo career, and find
other bass players for their bands. And for all your days if you want to play
your fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in like a thief in the night."
"And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand
and go to the bar for a drink."
And it was so.
*****************************************************
