Please review this bio

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ColdAsh

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I need to send a demo into a competion next week and i would like some feedback on my bio. Too long, too short, good parts, bad parts ect

Summary
I’ll make no attempt at attention grabbing gimmicks. The band is ColdAsh, a group of guys who are passionate about their music. Aged between 19 and 21 we’ve been in the works for four years now and feel we are ready to make our mark. The song is Decal, we believe it has what it takes to be chosen by you but we wouldn’t send it in if this weren’t the case. It was recorded two years ago with a different drummer and bass player but the song is still in the same form it takes today. It may not be our very best song but it’s one of our favourites and the one that has the most complete recording. We hope you will believe, as we do that it is of a high enough standard to win you over. Thank you for taking the time to read this and to listen to what we have to offer
Edward

Listen to track one of the enclosed CD or Side A of the enclosed tape. It you like what you hear please read on.

The Song
Decal – short sharp and sort of dull. But with the polish of a real recording studio we believe, as we know you will, that we have what you’re after. The song was recorded about you years ago at Studiophonics, as studio in the grey area between project studio and home studio. The members of ColdAsh carried out all sound engineering and mixing.

The Band
ColdAsh – four guys who are passionate about their music and just love to rock. The founding members, Edward and Tristan have been writing together for over four years and originally started ColdAsh as a Beatles cover band. Together they have over 11 songs on or above the level of unearthed entry, Decal. Some demos of these songs are included on the enclosed CD and tape, but as we both know the song of significance is track 1 – Decal
Influences
As a group there are many influencing bands or performers. Although they influence the songs remain original without sounding exactly like one group or another. Main influences are:
The Beatles, You Am I, Motor Ace

Current Members
Tristan Hart – Lead Guitar and Vocals - aged 21 has been playing guitar for over 8 years and has had extensive training in classical piano and music theory. Writes about 40% of the songs and wrote 95% or decal
Edward Briggs - Rhythm Guitar – aged 20 has been playing guitar for over 4 years and learning the skills of sound engineering for over two years. Writes about 60% of the songs and wrote 5% of Decal
Erik Van Wijk - Bass – aged 20 has been playing guitar for 3 years and has recently moved to bass, however four strings are easier than six.
Anthony “Wally” Dinham – Drums – ages 19 don’t know enough for this.
 
The summary - uses the word IT to often....Favorites is spelled incorrectly.... WE is used to much....Don't call the song IT.........
"A group of guys" change that to how many members are in the band with their names and what function they perform.

Most Importantly stop trying to convince/sell me that your band is good in your opinion.............
 
You try to explain and defend yourself to much. Stuff like 'It's not our best song' and 'It was recorded with another bass player and drummer', It gives the feeling that you are not sure about yourself.

The same with the song: don't tell stufflike 'It'll sound better in a better studio', even if it is. It just gives the same signal: we're not sure about ourself. A decent A&R knows the difference between the song and the recording proces.
 
Think of it as a job resume. With that in mind never, never put anything that could remotely be perceived as negative or apologetic. I saw this in "summary" and "the song." Don't cut down yourself or your music before they can even hear it. I would leave the whole "song" section out. Talk about the band but don't put a lot of fluff or filler in it. Let them decide the merits of your songs on their own.

DD
 
I definitely agree with all of the above. I'd also like to add that it's a very "safe" bio. It sounds like what all other bios would sound like. In other words, it doesn't grab my attention. I stopped reading half way through and skimmed the rest of it. A record exec would probably do the same (if read it at all). Just think, he or she gets tons of these, and after a while they just blur together. Your bio will just be lost in that blur. Make something really catching and out of the ordinary.

-Sal
 
Thanks for the feedback. This is my first attempt at writing one and i haven done any research read others. I'll take to comments into consideration and re write it, then may be you can tall me what you think again. BTW SalJsutSal, as im using this bio for a competieiton they will have to read atleast the intro so i dont think safe is such a bad thing.
 
is that for jjj unearthed? if so, best of luck to you... damn i remember the last couple of times it came by this way, the first time i was pretty young, and only had one song recorded... the next time i was just too lazy hehehe... best of luck :)
 
oh i was just thinking; i heard that the bio enclosed with silver chairs "tomorrow" demo went something like this:

its not rap
its not techno
its not pop


imho the bio really counts for nothing, its the music thats gotta impress em... i mean can you imagine someone saying "wow thats an awesome tune, shame about the poor use of grammar in the bio... looks like we'll have to scrap em" pfft c'mon guys, get real

best of luck coldash
 
ColdAsh,

This is the bio for my son's band..........brief and to the point. It was written for a different purpose, but it is laid out so we can adapt it for specific applications if needed. I have blanked the band name out for now..............



"###### is a new and interesting collaboration of local musicial talents, initially playing compositions by Mark Aberle but with joint forays into songwriting coming to the fore.


###### is………
Mark Aberle – vocals, acoustic guitar
Matt Ohma – lead guitar, vocals

Jason Percival – rhythm guitar, vocals
Mitch Cairns – bass, vocals

Matt, Jason and Mitch are all accomplished musicians with a dedication and commitment to their craft. Both together and individually, they have had experiences ranging from session work to TV appearances as well as playing live in a variety of original and covers bands, at times attracting in excess of 800 people to their gigs.

Mark Aberle has bought a wealth of talent and ability to what was already a formidable line-up.

###### is currently working with a couple of drummers who are occupying that position on a “guest” basis while songs are arranged prior to recording.

######’s ultimate aim is to have a versatile repetoire of original music available to everyone through live performances, CD releases and internet distribution.



Hopefully this may be of some help.


:cool:
 
The bio of our previous band said: "##### sounds like Frank Zappa fucked in the ass by Black Sabbath, while giving a blowjob to Tom Waits, who's sucking Jim Morissons tongue"


that always caught the intention of everyone:)
 
Brett's would certainly stand out from the rest....I say go with his idea
 
Suggestion

ColdAsh:

Its just a suggestion, but you might try to avoid writing any part of the bio in the first person perspective. Using subjects like: "I", "we", "us" etc. in a sentence is generally not a good idea when writing a bio. Objectivity (or the illusion of) is what you want to strive for. Therefore, write the bio in the third person perspective. You will achieve that objectivity. Anyone can hype their own band, but an "objective" third-person appraisal of the band looks more impressive.
 
I dont really like the name of the band....sounds like a combination of Ash and Coldplay to me...

also as for the bio if you dont really believe in your own music who will.....? imagine a snoop dogg bio....dis jam is the muthafuckin bomb and if you ain wit it i smoke yo ass!!


also who cares about what percentage of each song was written by whom...

also from the bio there should be more indication as to what to bands sound is all about...its general genre etc...


take care

47ronin
 
Well here's the bio i sent in last week.
Summary
I’ll make no attempt at attention grabbing gimmicks. The band is ColdAsh, a group of guys who are passionate about their music. Aged between 18 and 21 we’ve been in the works for four years now and feel we are ready to make our mark. The song is Decal and we believe it has what it takes to be chosen by you, but we wouldn’t send it in if this weren’t the case. Thank you for taking the time to read this and to listen to what we have to offer.
The Song
Decal – short sharp and shiny. It falls somewhere between alternate rock and pop, although we do not like to label it pop rock. The song was recorded about two years ago at Studiophonics, as studio in the grey area between project and home studio.
The Band
ColdAsh – four guys who are passionate about their music and just love to rock. The founding members, Edward and Tristan have been writing together for over four years and originally started ColdAsh as a Beatles cover band. As a group there are many influencing bands or performers. Although they influence the songs remain original without sounding exactly like one group or another. Our main influences are The Beatles, You Am I, Motor Ace and the Smashing Pumpkins
Members
Tristan Hart – Lead Guitar, Vocals and songwriter - aged 21 has been playing guitar for over 8 years and has had extensive training in classical piano and music theory as well as basic training in sound engineering.
Edward Briggs - Rhythm Guitar and songwriter – aged 20 has been playing guitar for over 4 years and learning the skills of sound engineering for over two years.
Erik Van Wijk - Bass – aged 20 has been playing guitar for 3 years and has recently moved to bass, however four strings are easier than six.
Anthony “Wally” Dinham – Drums – aged 18 is the most recent member of ColdAsh and has been playing drums for over 7 years.
 
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