Not sure about this one....a little experiment.

  • Thread starter Thread starter RAMI
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RAMI

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Hey guys,

A little background on this tune. It's the first time I write a song without any direction or idea on where it's going. I always have at least an idea of what the melody and/or the main hook will be. For this tune, I just had a few riffs, threw them together and added some half-ass lyrics to it.

So, since I know how fragmentedly this came together, I hear it kind of dis-jointed. But maybe it flows better than I think....maybe not also. :eek:

Anyway (and I apologize for the long set-up. I hate it when others do the same thing), besides any advice you might have about the mix, etc....I mainly want to know if this sounds like a song, or are the parts too un-related to work well together.

Thanx alot!

I'M COMING HOME
 
Eh, it's not terrible. It doesn't flow seamlessly and keep the foot tapping like your other stuff, but it's definitely not bad.

I'd say keep working with it, keep the ideas, but maybe shorten it. I think it went about 30-45 seconds too long.

One thing that stuck out to me as particularly good were the rhythm guitar tones. Very nice.
 
Greg_L said:
Eh, it's not terrible. It doesn't flow seamlessly and keep the foot tapping like your other stuff, but it's definitely not bad.

I'd say keep working with it, keep the ideas, but maybe shorten it. I think it went about 30-45 seconds too long.

One thing that stuck out to me as particularly good were the rhythm guitar tones. Very nice.
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Coo, thanx man. I'm thinking the same thing. It's not awesome by any means, but I wouldn't throw it away. I just got to spend more time on it. Since I didn't expect much from the final product, I probably didn't give it the attention it needed while putting it together.
 
It was a whole lot better than expected after reading your intro. haha....
Not bad, it's on par IMHO with your other material. It seems a little loose if nothing else but all the parts are good... I'd keep it and consider it done! :)
 
The harmonized breakout at 1:00, 2:19 and at the end.... it's a real Mutt Lang/Def Leopard moment...and ends too quickly....I really enjoyed that....sounded inspired. The lyric and melody were really working together, and it was a wave of energy.
 
Hello RAMI,
lyrically it's fine - it lacks the tongue in cheek or perverse twists you usually employ but they work well with the melody & are certainly nothing to be embarassed about - a series of words that make visual impressions is the joba nd they do that well.
Musically - a good set of riffs and they fit together pretty well. There may be a few tweaks like cut out a verse & extend the outro - as it promises something but is cut short. It doesn't have the trademark RAMI funk lilt to it so perhaps you should hammer the rock accents a bit harder.
Your performances are sterling vocally & instrumentally. THere seems a smidge more reverb on the vocal than usual - I could actually hear it a couple of times - normally it blends.
Keep at it.
 
This didn't sound disjointed at all to me. Flows seamlessing imo. Cool guitars at 1 and 1.55, I love that kind of thing. The only change I'd like is to make the vocals drier. For something that started with no direction, it's turned out pretty damn good. :)
 
ido1957 said:
It was a whole lot better than expected after reading your intro. haha....
Not bad, it's on par IMHO with your other material. It seems a little loose if nothing else but all the parts are good... I'd keep it and consider it done! :)
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Thanx Ido. Yes, if I keep working on it, I'll probably re-track the drums because they're not tight.

jeffmaher said:
The harmonized breakout at 1:00, 2:19 and at the end.... it's a real Mutt Lang/Def Leopard moment...and ends too quickly....I really enjoyed that....sounded inspired. The lyric and melody were really working together, and it was a wave of energy.
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Cool Jeff. Thanx a lot. :cool:
rayc said:
Hello RAMI,
lyrically it's fine - it lacks the tongue in cheek or perverse twists you usually employ but they work well with the melody & are certainly nothing to be embarassed about - a series of words that make visual impressions is the joba nd they do that well.
Musically - a good set of riffs and they fit together pretty well. There may be a few tweaks like cut out a verse & extend the outro - as it promises something but is cut short. It doesn't have the trademark RAMI funk lilt to it so perhaps you should hammer the rock accents a bit harder.
Your performances are sterling vocally & instrumentally. THere seems a smidge more reverb on the vocal than usual - I could actually hear it a couple of times - normally it blends.
Keep at it.
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Thanx a lot Ray. They can't all funk. :) I did make the vocals wetter than I usually do in the verses. I thought it needed it, but I might have put too much.

Bulls Hit said:
This didn't sound disjointed at all to me. Flows seamlessing imo. Cool guitars at 1 and 1.55, I love that kind of thing. The only change I'd like is to make the vocals drier. For something that started with no direction, it's turned out pretty damn good. :)
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Great, thanx Bull. Yeah, like I said to Ray, I'll look into drying up the verses a bit. Thanx a lot. :cool:
FoulPhil said:
Not bad. I like classic rock :D
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Thanx. Me too! :D
 
What the hell, you've got a good song here, Rami. Just the replay the parts you don't feel right and it sounds great (already does to me..). It's got really good dynamics and changes and your voice is top notch. I've written worse songs.....:D

Joey :):):):)
 
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