New song-need comments

[Dani Pace]

My style of music might not appeal to a lot of people, but if you like rock with a southern twist check out "It's A Ride" (link below). The mix isn't great (I already know that) but that's a different thread. I'm fishing for comments on the song itself. I need some fresh ideas, it seems like I'm getting into a repitious rut and need a spark of insight to break out of it. It's a fun song to play but I think it could be better, maybe stronger lyrics or something, what do you guys (and gals) think?

 

[up-fiddler]

The intro.....

.... takes 47 seconds before I hear any vox. That's a bit much for my taste. I like the song in a sort of cleaned up Foghat kinda way if that makes any sense. I know that you said the mix was rough but the doubled vox need to tighten up considerably. My first car was a 59 Chevy and there is a bit of nostalgia in the tune which I like for that reason. Keep working. I'll be interested to hear the final mix.

 

[Dani Pace]

I agree the intro is way too long, in fact the whole song seems too long to me at just over 6 minutes. I just can't decide which parts to trim down, probably the shorter guitar breaks, they seem repetitious to me. I admit the vocals are pretty sloppy, but I never claimed to be a singer. All in all I think it's a decent song, it just needs some refinements and that's the comments I'm hoping for. Thanks

 

[Oancient1]

Hey Dani,

Kinda L Skynard sounding -- kind of seems intentionally so to me, but then Southern rock is not a style I have listened to a lot, so perhaps other groups are samey sounding.

Heres's another vote for too long. I would elimimate all but the last 8 bars of the lead-in. IMO you should also limit the v1-to-v2 and v2-to-v3 interludes to four or six bars each, and limit the main solo to 16 bars max. If you really want such an extended solo, consider throwing away v4 entirely. Then either leave the solo where is an do a fade out toward the end, or reposition the solo between v2 and v3 in place of the current interlude.

Lyrics are nice. If you want to eliminate one verse per the above, you can probably use the best ideas from the current v2 and v3 to make one.

The song definitely has potential. The hook and lyrics are original enough. The vocals are well sung if a bit to loud in the mix; the guitar parts are tastefully played if a bit too lengthy. Only other comment is I don't doubled vocal. IMO, decent vocal effects are far too cheap these days to have rely of this old method.

Just my 2 of course.

Tom

 

[Dega500]

Being from the South, many of my songs also end up with a similar feel to this one. Many are even downright country sounding. Don't fight it. It's in you and it's got to come out. If you're in a rut, try listening to a completely different genre of music for a bit.

Now, about your song, I think it's great. You've already got plenty of good advice on where to make it shorter. I read somewhere way back when that some successful songwriter's most valuable trick was to condense, condense and then condense some more. I took this guys advice to one of my, in my own opinion, best songs I have ever written and I got it all the down to 7 1/2 minutes. Its way easier said than done.

Good Luck Dani

 

[MrStitch]

The thread is a bit old, but I'd like to chime in.

Long yes, but thats ok. A lot of my songs end up starting out long as all hell. Then I start stripping away the layers till I find the core... then add the 'little' things that give it a feel all its own.

The vocal effects... over dubbed, over saturated... something. Not that I'm a genius or anything, but have you tried screaming for about 10 seconds?

Try getting a more 'raspy' sound in your voice, and sing from your gut.... I certainly don't mean 'death metal' or anything like that. Just try to 'make it your own'.

Oh, and sing with more conviction. You gotta sell that #^@#!

However, for all I know, those suggestions will make it worse. So just give it a shot, and see what happens.

**not responsible for ruined voice**

Good luck!