New Christmas Song Review Please

[ccarnucci]

Hey all,

Merry Christmas. Here's a little song I put together for the holidays. I was hoping to get a little feedback from the song writing angle. I feel like I'm doing OK there, but it's always good to get others opinions. (after all I'm kinda biased)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tfS137_1xg

 

[GoblinInventor]

I really like it, though I find the lyrics a little... schizophrenic. This in particular

And Im not entirely sure,
how Im gonna find a way,
to make it through this holiday,
aloneagainthis year

I guess fits? but most of this is really descriptive of the christmas season, and there's not much in the way of describing this feeling. Maybe it needs a bridge describing this. I'd want more depth here, and I think there is a lot to be had.

But again, I like the music, and the lyrics aren't forced!

 

[up-fiddler]

Responses

Hey ccarnucci,
Thanks for posting. One of the things that seems to get more critical responses to a thread is posting a copy of your lyrics in the thread. It allows us to use the 'quote' feature to single out stanzas, trouble spots, great images, etc. I guess we are a bit lazy but it helps if we can see the lyrics here when we type out our suggestions. Just a thought and a helpful hint at the same time, Dave. aka up-fiddler

 

[ccarnucci]

Thanks so much for the comments I do appreciate them.

 

[ccarnucci]

Here are the lyrics if needed.

It’s Christmas – Christain Carnucci


Verse 1:


It’s Christmas Eve,
the Yule log’s burning in the hearth.
I huddle close to feel the warmth.

Verse 2:

Out the window
the yard is blanketed in snow.
The Luminaries are all aglow,
And Oh…


Chorus:


It’s Christmas.
Everywhere I see the signs.
If only I could find a way,
to feel it in my heart today.

It’s Christmas.
And I’m not entirely sure,
how I’m gonna find a way,
to make it through this holiday,
alone…again…this year

Verse 3:

The carolers are singing,
just two houses down.
It’s Little Town of Bethlehem.

Verse 4:

The mistletoe is hanging,
halfway down the hall.
I’m not sure why it’s there at all.

Verse 5:

The Christmas tree stands over
boxes, bags and bows.
The twinkle lights are all aglow.
And Oh…


Repeat Chorus:


Bridge:

I’m not sure why this happens at this time of year.
You’d think that I’d be filled with happiness and cheer.
Well I don’t know…
But Oh…


Repeat Chorus:

 

[up-fiddler]

The recording quality....

....isn't very good but as a rough draft I like the song. I especially like the counterpoint that the bridge and choruses provide to the verses. It is almost like two separate songs. One (The verses) is happy and upbeat and the other (The choruses and bridge) serves to show that the holidays can be an especially tough time for some people. The light lifting guitar rhythm helps to point the listener's ear to the lyrics instead of a lot of instrumentation.

If I were to rewrite I would probably keep the same counter play structure but try to rid the verses of some of the cliche phrasing. Hope this helps and, as always, it's jmho, Dave. aka up-fiddler