Need opinions on a new mix

[famous beagle]

Hey everyone,

This is the first piece of many that I hope to get placed in a TV show, commercial, or film. Here's the first mix. I was hoping to get some input on what, if anything, needs fixing before I stockpile it in the "ready to submit" pile.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=328768&songID=8213414

Also, could you let me know if any particular scene or image comes to mind when you hear it? I had something in mind when I wrote it, but the title would have given it away, so I changed it to "First Piece" for now. I'd like to get people's unbiased input on what comes to mind.

Thanks!

 

[Lo-Fi Mike]

nice

very nice... definitely score material!

I think it's great the way it is, especially for somthing like Juno.

I see someone going thru the motions of a life change.
maybe two young adults are splitting up as one is packing up his apartment to take an internship in Chicago.....but you know he will come back to be with her as he walks out of an important presentation leaving all the guys in suits with puzzled looks on there faces.
and as he drive back to be with her the same score plays again..only this time it is sped up a bit to emphasize the joy.

a bit slower the first time
a bit fast the second

I know it sounds cliche, but that's what i see

 

[famous beagle]

very nice... definitely score material!

I think it's great the way it is, especially for somthing like Juno.

I see someone going thru the motions of a life change.
maybe two young adults are splitting up as one is packing up his apartment to take an internship in Chicago.....but you know he will come back to be with her as he walks out of an important presentation leaving all the guys in suits with puzzled looks on there faces.
and as he drive back to be with her the same score plays again..only this time it is sped up a bit to emphasize the joy.

a bit slower the first time
a bit fast the second

I know it sounds cliche, but that's what i see

Ha! Thanks for the specificity! It's really interesting to hear different people's perspectives.

 

[famous beagle]

Ooops!

Just realized I posted this in the wrong forum. It's been moved to the MP3 mixing clinic.

Sorry about that!