Jokes!

A teenage son asks his dad, “Dad, how did you and mom come up with my lil sister’s name?”

“Well son, your mom and I took a vacation to Adelaide where she was conceived so that’s how Addy got her name.”
Son: “Thanks, Dad.”
Father: “You’re welcome, Lambo Field Bathroom.”
 
BroKen_H said:
How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Doesn't matter, bassists are always in the dark...

How many lead vocalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one they just hold the bulb up and expect the universe to revolve around them.

I knew the pizza was here when I heard the drummer knock on the door.
How did I know it was a drummer? The knock sped up.
What's the difference between the drummer and the large pizza I ordered? The large pizza could feed a family of four.

What's the difference between a trombone and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline.
What do you call a drummer who breaks up with his girlfriend? Homeless...

There's a million of 'em.
Click to expand...
A million and one….

How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb? 5….one to change it and 4 to watch and say they could do it better
 
Religious theme but here goes:

So there’s a guy standing at the gates of Heaven before Saint Peter and he’s asked,

“Have you done one good selfless deed for another in your life?”
Man answers, “Why yes. Yes I have.”
“Tell me about it my son.”
“Well once I was traveling along a desert highway in my car and came across a defenseless beautiful woman who was being harassed and assaulted by a gang of burly biker men. In good conscience I pulled over to help her and confronted the leader of the gang and told him he would have to deal with me before I’d let him and his companions rape this young woman.”
Saint Peter said, “That’s a very noble and selfless act, my son. When did this courageous act happen in your life?”
Man says, “Oh, about 2 minutes ago.”
 
Seeker of Rock said:
Religious theme but here goes:

So there’s a guy standing at the gates of Heaven before Saint Peter and he’s asked,

“Have you done one good selfless deed for another in your life?”
Man answers, “Why yes. Yes I have.”
“Tell me about it my son.”
“Well once I was traveling along a desert highway in my car and came across a defenseless beautiful woman who was being harassed and assaulted by a gang of burly biker men. In good conscience I pulled over to help her and confronted the leader of the gang and told him he would have to deal with me before I’d let him and his companions rape this young woman.”
Saint Peter said, “That’s a very noble and selfless act, my son. When did this courageous act happen in your life?”
Man says, “Oh, about 2 minutes ago.”
Click to expand...
I told that same joke back on page 2... lol
 
A truck driver and his pet monkey pick up a hitchhiker. The hitchhiker says that’s a nice monkey you have. The truck driver tells the hitchhiker thanks and that the monkey gives him a blowjob any time he wants. The hitchhiker says, no way. The truck driver says, I’ll show you, then hits the monkey upside the head and points at his dick. The monkey starts blowing the truck driver as they are riding down the road. After five minutes, the truck driver asks the hitchhiker if he wanted some of this. The hitchhiker says, yes, but don’t hit me like you did the monkey.
 
Keysdweller said:
A truck driver and his pet monkey pick up a hitchhiker. The hitchhiker says that’s a nice monkey you have. The truck driver tells the hitchhiker thanks and that the monkey gives him a blowjob any time he wants. The hitchhiker says, no way. The truck driver says, I’ll show you, then hits the monkey upside the head and points at his dick. The monkey starts blowing the truck driver as they are riding down the road. After five minutes, the truck driver asks the hitchhiker if he wanted some of this. The hitchhiker says, yes, but don’t hit me like you did the monkey.
Click to expand...
Lol for real
 
A man and his fiancé were at a restaurant. His fiancé had to go to the restroom and while walking back to her table, a man told her how fine she was and that he would eat her pussy full of ice cream. When she got back to the table, she told her boyfriend what the man said to her. A couple of minutes later, she saw the man and pointed him out to her boyfriend. The boyfriend just sat there, and the fiancé asked him, aren’t you going to do anything about what he said to me? The boyfriend said, no, I’m not going to mess with anyone who can eat that much ice cream.
 
so this russian goes to the market
to buy a car
makes a deal,
will be 9 years
for delivery

goes to finance

many checks,
lots of looking,
then ok.
when shall we deliver?

the buyer says.
deliver it in the afternoon.
the sell guy goes,
what he hell difference!
can it possibly make!
9 FN years from now!!

the buyer goes
plumber comes in the morning.
 
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