Jokes!

Anticleon

Member
Generally a man does not go to the place again where he has been
cheated once…
But many people still go to their in-laws' place...
 

Anticleon

Member
A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for

the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer

came to him and said 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this

Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has.

Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished.'

The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled

each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the

Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the

dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the

trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a

cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch

the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and

the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler

alone, he asked 'How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!'

The wrestler answered 'Well, I was ready to give up when he

got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this

pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with

my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.'

The trainer exclaimed 'That's what finished him off?'

'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts.
 

mjbphotos

What?!?
If you want to have a good laugh or 2 or 3 - head to a Rick Wakeman 'Grumpy Old Rocker' show. Haven't laughed so hard in ages. Oh, the music was good, too.
 

CrowsofFritz

Flamingo!
I miss my anti-joke thread. Lots of laughs. Lots of infractions. Lots of last straws for users. Lots of “fuck you to petty censorship.“
 

Eric V

Inquiring mind wants to know
If you want to have a good laugh or 2 or 3 - head to a Rick Wakeman 'Grumpy Old Rocker' show. Haven't laughed so hard in ages. Oh, the music was good, too.
Rick is one funny guy ! I always am so in awe of his talents past and present, that when I discovered his humor, I was pleasantly surprised. He is easily my favorite keyboard player ever. But his humor just frosts the cake for me.
 

mjbphotos

What?!?
Rick is one funny guy ! I always am so in awe of his talents past and present, that when I discovered his humor, I was pleasantly surprised. He is easily my favorite keyboard player ever. But his humor just frosts the cake for me.
And he is doing another Grumpy tour, too!
 

spantini

COO of me, inc.
Hey, I had to do something similar some years ago. We had just rented a single family home and the back yard's rear third was a small group of pine trees from one side to the other. The space from there to the rear deck was supposed to be grassy lawn. That lawn looked like a friggin' wheat field - up past my waist.

I took a standard push gas mower to it. With the first pass, I tilted it back forty-five degrees. Second pass at around twenty, then a regular mow to finish. The hard part was raking all the clumps away.
 

BroKen_H

Re-member
St. Peter is manning the pearly gates when a man walks up and asks if he can enter.
Peter asks if there is anything about his life that was notable.
"Well," says the man, "there was this time when I pulled up on a stranded girl in her car with seven bikers surrounding the car, pounding on it and yelling unspeakable things they were going to do to her when they got inside..."
"Oh, my!" says Peter.
"So I pulled up and shouted to the bikers to leave the poor girl alone," he continues. "None of them even flinched. I knew something drastic had to be done, so I walked up to the biggest gnarliest biker, punched him right in the teeth and pounded my knee into his groin, and yelled that if they didn't stop immediately there would be more where that came from."
"Goodness," exclaimed Peter. "When did all this happen?"
"Just a few minutes ago..."
 

spantini

COO of me, inc.
St. Peter is manning the pearly gates when a man walks up and asks if he can enter.
Peter asks if there is anything about his life that was notable.
"Well," says the man, "there was this time when I pulled up on a stranded girl in her car with seven bikers surrounding the car, pounding on it and yelling unspeakable things they were going to do to her when they got inside..."
"Oh, my!" says Peter.
"So I pulled up and shouted to the bikers to leave the poor girl alone," he continues. "None of them even flinched. I knew something drastic had to be done, so I walked up to the biggest gnarliest biker, punched him right in the teeth and pounded my knee into his groin, and yelled that if they didn't stop immediately there would be more where that came from."
"Goodness," exclaimed Peter. "When did all this happen?"
"Just a few minutes ago..."
Now that's funny, right there.:ROFLMAO:
 

Mick Doobie

Resist We Much
Back in college there was a point when I was really down and out, terribly depressed. I was drinking way too much, my grades were slipping, all of my professors hated me, I was often broke, my VW Beetle wouldn't start half the time and I suspected the engine was soon to blow. Life just seemed to hate everything about me. Then I met her, an angel of mercy. She was nurturing, generous and kind, intelligent and pleasant company, with a wonderful personality. I was much obliged when she offered that I share her apartment. One day lying in bed after lovemaking, she asked if she was the only one I had ever slept with. I could not lie to her. I told her, yes. "Yeah, all the others were kind of like in the nine or ten range, maybe a few eights,..."

A couple of throw pillows & a beach towel, the back seat of a VW Beetle doesn't sleep half bad. So at least there was that. *shrug*
 
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