Bullshit ..... first off, I've been playing pro for 42 years 5 to 7 gigs a week every single week year after year. I can tell exactly what the mix is out front from stage after all those years of mixing sound from the stage. If you can't that's fine ..... but I can.
Secondly ..... for the vast majority of clubs , a comfortable volume on stage
is also enough volume for the room ..... sometimes you might put a little small amount in the PA to 'spread ' the sound but most rooms my stage sound is enough. Third, I use a Mesa
Blue Angel and usually have it set at the 18 watt setting which is nowhere near loud enough even wide open (which I never use but still) so that I can't hear the drums and bass.
Fourth ...... PA can and do change the tone of your git if the sound,man changes it. Let's say he doesn't like a bright git but you do, (I don't but just for the sake of an example) so he rolls of the highs ...... there's your tone change right there.
Now, as you said, YMMV and I have plenty of respect to each and every different style and way of playing. For example, for me ... something like the POD XT Live doesn't sound good in my hands .... but I've heard it sound good for other people. What works for you is fine so don';t characterize my attitude as 'silly' when I probably have way more experience and make way more money at this than very many people you know.
And note: I'm not saying your way is wrong ..... I was just saying what my personal preferences are that I've arrived at
for me based on years and years of playing every single night.