If only I had known then what I know now.
So many of us say that, and it's true.
I dreamed for years of becoming a rock star, but I lacked two things: confidence and talent. I have one of those now (confidence) but the talent? Not a chance. I can strum a guitar and sing better than 90% of the people out there, and I can write a songs that a few people say, "hey that's pretty good," but I learned a long time ago that I didn't have that God-given talent for music, so I gave up the dream. It's too bad that it took me so long. I held onto that dream for a long time, and it was actually emotionally painful to hear good music in the car or Ipod because I thought, "I should be in that position."
The dream came in stages.
First, there was the young teenager listening to Ozzy and Dio and thinking, "I'm going to do that someday."
Secondly, I picked up a bass guitar at age 15 and tried for hours a day to learn it, but was impatient and lazy at the same time. I didn't want to learn notes, chords, theory, etc. I just wanted to be naturally good. But it doesn't work that way.
Thirdly, I was with a couple folks here and there, but none of our arrangements worked out. We never wrote anything good. But the entire time I thought I was better than most bands out there. I would see bands like Poison, LA Guns, etc., and think, "those guys stink. I'm totally better than them."
But where was I? Living at home with mom at age 20. Not cool.
Finally, I went off to college and "settled" on a career totally unrelated to music, and I'm successful in it (although I don't make a lot I have enough to own a home, take care of the wife and kids, healthcare and a good retirement in fifteen years). But through most of that I felt tons of regret for not having pursued the dream enough.
Eventually I realized, when I became a Christian, that I was a very arrogant and stubborn person. Now, some people realize who they are in other ways, but for me it was coming to Christ. That's when I learned that I wasn't any more special than anyone else, and I was no more deserving than anyone else.
Then my dream of becoming a rock star went away. Finally I was free of that desire and longing. I also learned that I don't want to be famous (well, a little), but seriously, I now know what problems that would be for me.
I also came to realize that I really do lack the talent necessary to make it as an artist.
That said, I still like playing music, making up songs, and having fun with it. I stink, and none of my music will ever gain me fame or money, but that's okay.
Every once in a while I think of becoming a manager and discovering new talent and nurturing it, getting them signed, and then of course taking a fair cut as an agent or something.
But that career is not scheduled for the immediate future. I'm 41 now and have about 15 years left with this career.
I wish everyone the best of luck in their pursuits. If you have what it takes, go for it. I'm a firm believer that you should do whatever it takes to gain confidence in yourself (and still be humble, of course).
Anyone truly can make it if they have the talent. Looks don't matter. It's all about making it happen for yourself.
I remember a quote by James Hetfield of Metallica. He said it in simple terms: "Anyone can do what we're doing if they just put themselves to it."
