Here's one from the newbie..what do you think?

W

Walktausha

New member


Played in 3/4 time in the style of say..........Merle Haggard
vs. 1
D D7 , G D
I guess I should close the window, The rain is blowing in
D E7 A
The front door is standing open, And the porch light's out again
D D7 D
This house is cold and lonely, I can hear the ra----di----o
D A D
Playing something about a love lost ,That started years ago
(chrs.)
G D
I can see her looking back with a rear veiw
D A
She didn't want me to see her cry
G D
I stood there in the rain while the wind blew
A D
The day that she said good-bye

vs.2
I remember her daddy callin'
I came by to take her for a ride
The rain had just started fallin
and the barn was a good place to hide

We never had much time together
But I cherrished each moment we had
up until she had to leave me
And I'd watch her fade away again
vs.3
The hardest night that I lived through
was the day that she didn't call
I paced the floor for hours
And I stared out that old screen door

They laid her to rest by the willows
I'll never to see her again
I'll sit here and drink to her memory
while the rain comes blowing in

last chrs.
I can see her looking back with a rear veiw
I wonder could she see me cry
I stood there in the rain while the wind blew
The day I said............. good-bye


Well that's my first try.......what do you think. I know from reading some of these post that you tell much about the song by just the words (that's why the chords) but any help is welcome. Let 'er go.....I can take it!
 
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I like it! Two lines seemed to be a bit of a hiccup to me - "her daddy callin" - who's he callin? why is he callin? are you sure he's even callin at all? Callin' can mean courting, or yelling (as in "it's supper time, Mildred, getcha back upin heye!"), and neither seem to fit.

and "looking back with a rearview" Not sure what that's really supposed to mean. the rearview makes me think of a car mirror. I dunno. doesn't quite seem to fit, either. But overall, I dig it. Good country vibe, and not too cliche.
 
Oh, and you're rhyme scheme is a bit wacked. V1 is AABB, 1st half of V2 is ABAB, 2nd half who knows. V3 ABCDEFGF, I guess. Well, you get the point...
 
The part where is says " I remember her daddy callin' " refers to the " hiding in the barn " part. The rear veiw.....if you think about it. "I came by to take her for a ride" ( implies a car maybe), and the next leaving the cemetery looking back at a vision of her, maybe remembering the way she looked at him at some time? Get it?
As for the rhyme scheme I guess you have to be way into country or Merle Haggard, huh?
 
Well since you said that, I thought I'd throw this one that I was working on to see what you thought. It's kinda ruff I know but I'm kinda stuck and maybe you guys can help me out........ no title no music yet.......just the words to another "country maybe"
BTW thanks for the response to the other one. This is a good place to bounce some stuff around and see what falls out!!!! Huh.

When you see me standing there, waiting
Take a look inside of what you've left behind
I'm sure you'll see a bro----ken picture
Of a man that just watched a true love die

Look deep into the eyes... of misery
and hold the hand that you turned away
and tell me why I still feel this hunger
for the true love that I just lost today

We were so in love and had the good life
and I was proud just to be your man
but you traded all that I had to give you
for a good time friend and a one night stand

So now here I stand alone and wondering
Just what it is that I am to do
Do I try again and start this whole thing over
Or try to carry on with someone new

We were so in love and had the good life
And I was proud just to be your man
but I'd gladly trade all of my tomorrows
if I had been your only one night stand
.
if I had been your only------------ man......
 
I agree with andyhix on his comments.

Those were the same issues that popped out at me. Looking back in "a" rearview started to give me the image of the car but it never quite materialized. I would have liked to have heard Looking back in "the" rearview... since then "the rearview" could have been taken as a metaphor for just looking at something thats now behind me. Its also a little bit confusing because I can't tell if "she" is looking at a rearview at something or if the narrator could see her in a rearview.

In the first verse I'm assuming your rhyming "in" and "again" .. which is a rhyme I like, and also "radio" and "years ago" which is another good rhyme.. The next verses like andy said don't follow the same scheme..

All in all its a real good song.
 
Actually, at the end of the song if you recall what you just heard, it might come to you that she's dead now. So looking back "with " a (rear)( veiw) is a play on the wording. I agree with the image of the car......perhaps I should have written....I drove by ........instead of came by. At any rate, thanks for the pointers. I do need all the help I can get!!
 
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